


Lines of Colour

by Kateis_Cakeis



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Dancing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Soulmates, There's a tad bit of fluff here and there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-09-15 00:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 44,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16923216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kateis_Cakeis/pseuds/Kateis_Cakeis
Summary: Bucky had always been fascinated by his ma's red veins. By the yellow veins some of his teachers had. The faded black veins of Steve's ma only made him fearful... People guarded themselves from touch, until they wished to know if someone was their soulmate, if their spark ran deeper.And all Bucky wanted to do was hug his Steve. If only they had been more careful, not as young. Maybe if they had known more.They were eight and seven when their lives would never be simple again.





	1. Nothing Simple

Soulmates were a concept Bucky was just beginning to learn, at age eight. Of course, he’d known since he’d been very little but now school was talking about it, it seemed to matter more. His ma had him sitting on the couch, and he listened to her intently as she explained how wonderful it will be when the day comes. When he’d meet his soulmate.

She also began to explain what would happen, which had interested Bucky the most.

“When you touch, your vision becomes clearer. You’ll notice everything about her. And your veins will change to a soft yellow.” She held Bucky’s arm and tapped on his wrist. “From this blue right here.”

Bucky smiled down at the lines on his skin. They were so clear, so visible. And were the key to finding the one who would be beside him, forever.

“And when you really fall in love, it will fade to a beautiful red.” His ma showed her arm, her veins. “Like mine.”

“What if they stay yellow?”

“They don’t, normally. Most fade to red in the end. Yellow just indicates that she’s yours.”

Bucky nodded, understanding. “Could it stay yellow?”

“If it’s a platonic bond, yes. Sometimes, it can be red immediately. That was how it happened with me and your father.” His ma picked gloves out of her pocket. “But this is why you _must_ wear your gloves, James.” She pulled them onto his little hands, to cover up his skin. She rolled his sleeves down as well and did up his buttons, to cover his neck. He hated being covered, but he understood now. “And why you must keep your skin covered. You don’t want to touch her accidentally in a crowd and lose her forever.”

“What if I do…?” Bucky’s bottom lip quivered.

“Ah, there will be a bond between you, but it forms over time.”

Bucky nodded, quickly. “Can I go play now?”

His ma shook her head. “Steve is coming over, with his ma.”

Bucky lit up, smiling bright. He really liked playing with Steve. He was his best friend. But he always got into trouble, the bigger kids picked on him. It wasn’t fair. Bucky tried his best to be there for his friend, always. He wanted to be by him, forever.

“Yay, Steve!”

His ma chuckled and patted Bucky on the arm. Just as Bucky hopped off the couch, there was a knock on the door, and two seconds later, Steve was running up to Bucky. They couldn’t hug, people weren’t allowed to if you weren’t family or soulmates. So, they clapped their hands together in a way the girls did when playing clapping games.

Bucky could see their ma’s smiling at them.

“James, Steve, why don’t you go play hide and seek?” Bucky’s ma said.

They loved to play that game as Steve always found the best spots. They scampered out the living room, giggling. Bucky took the role of seeking while Steve ran upstairs and hid. He could hear him clambering about as Bucky counted to ten.

“Ready or not, here I come!” Bucky shouted once he was done counting, running up the stairs.

Steve was smaller than Bucky, he could fit into tight spaces and places others couldn’t hide in. Bucky spent the first few minutes checking under beds and behind furniture. When he couldn’t see him there, he pulled open the nearest wardrobe, finding Steve crammed amongst the clothes.

“Found you!” Bucky exclaimed pulling Steve out.

But Bucky lost his footing, falling backwards. He softly landed on the carpet. Yet, pain spiked as Steve’s head collided with Bucky’s, making them both groan in pain before howling with laughter. It wasn’t nice to see your best friend hurt, but it was nice to laugh about it.

Steve moved off Bucky and stood, swaying slightly on his feet. Within an instant, Bucky was up and putting a firm hand on his shoulder, noticing how bony it really was. He needed to make his friend eat more and stop being sick… Bucky didn’t have a name for what he was realising in that moment, just that Steve’s hair always looked soft, and his eyes were pretty and he…

Steve gasped just as Bucky stumbled back, falling to the floor once again.

“St– Steve?” Bucky said, pleading but he didn’t know why. He just felt… this was bad somehow.

Steve ran his hand over his bright yellow veins. “We’re…”

“Boys are you alright?” Bucky’s ma asked, coming into the room. They _had_ been loud. Steve moved towards Bucky.

Steve’s ma was right behind her, but she paled as she set eyes on the two. “Oh… boys…”

Bucky got to his feet, rubbing his veins. “What?”

“Sarah, oh god, they’re not right.”

Bucky frowned, how could he have upset his ma? He always tried to make her proud.

Sarah shook her head. “Winnie, that won’t help.”

“But they’re– they’re…”

“Some soulmates can be platonic.”

Bucky’s ma looked to Sarah, sighing. “I hope you’re right.” She walked up to Bucky. “Come on, Steve has to go now.”

“Winnie–”

“No, Sarah– They need some time apart.”

“They’re _boys_.”

Bucky stepped back from his ma and shielded Steve. “Don’t take him away…”

Bucky’s ma looked to him as if she’d been stung. Bucky was scared, he didn’t want to lose Steve. He didn’t know what they had done wrong… Was it because of their veins? Because they were soulmates? Steve was Bucky’s best friend, he would protect him from any bully. He would. His ma was not a bully, but she was trying to make Steve go.

“Okay, he can stay. No touching.” His ma’s tone was stern, frightening. But Bucky understood, he and Steve shouldn’t have touched.

“We didn’t mean to touch!” Steve said. “I fell…”

Sarah sighed. “Don’t worry, honey, fate made it this way.”

Bucky hoped she was right. If this was fate, it couldn’t be wrong. He and Steve were best friends, so they were platonic, like his ma had said. Just friends, forever.

\--

Bucky was climbing up a fire escape, reaching the level he needed. He was eleven now, he was doing well in school and was getting strong from all the climbing he did. Mainly to show off to Steve, he liked doing stupid things, so Steve could laugh at him. Steve’s laugh was a great sound, but what was better was the bond they shared. It lit up whenever Steve was happy and in turn, made Bucky feel giddy inside.

His veins were still yellow, but that was okay. It would be wrong for them to be any other colour.

He knocked on the window he stopped by, and within a second, it flew open.

“Really, Buck?”

Bucky shrugged, clambering into Steve’s room. Steve, meanwhile, sat back on his bed. “Ma said I couldn’t see you again. I snuck out.”

Steve threw a pencil at him, his aim perfect. He’d be sketching, like always. Little artist Steve, with his sick body forcing him to stay inside while everyone else got to enjoy the summer sun. That’s why Bucky _had_ to see him. Steve always missed out. And he wasn’t gonna let his best guy be bored.

“Hey! What was that for?” Bucky said, rubbing his arm and picking up the pencil.

“You sneaking out. You don’t gotta do that for me.” Steve frowned, taking back the pencil from Bucky and continuing his sketch.

Bucky tried to push reassurances across the bond, but Steve’s mood showed no signs of changing. He often wished their bond was stronger, but Bucky’s parents kept him away from Steve sometimes _just in case_. He never really understood why, he knew it was wrong somehow, but he and Steve were pals, nothing else. He hated being apart.

“What’re you drawing?”

Steve turned to a new page, looking at Bucky with a smirk. “You.”

Bucky sat at the end of Steve’s bed, getting comfortable. “I can’t wait to see this.”

Steve’s pencil scratched against the paper and Bucky closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle sounds. All he needed was _this_ , being able to stay close to Steve, no matter what they were doing. Steve kept coughing as he drew, but still, Bucky didn’t mind, this was Steve. If his yellow veins became a little warmer in colour, who would notice?

Time continued on, and Bucky stared at Steve, his eyes becoming slightly heavy. His friend was becoming much better at art, the longer he stayed ill. Which wasn’t a good thing but… it gave him something to do. That mattered. And watching him improve made pride sparkle up in Bucky. He always sent those sentiments across the bond.

Eventually, Steve pursed his lips and shrugged. “It’s done.” He turned the pad to Bucky, where an ever so slightly imperfect drawing of himself stared back.

“You’re getting really good.” Like always, pride swelled within Bucky. He was so proud, so so proud.

Steve smiled lightly, about to speak, when coughs wracked through his entire body. He coughed and coughed, and Bucky rushed to him. He put an arm around him, pulling Steve close. Eventually the coughs calmed, and Steve grimaced, looking up at Bucky. He held him close, pushing reassurance down the bond.

“Just a cough,” Bucky whispered.

“You shouldn’t have to worry about me, Buck.” He moved out of Bucky’s grasp, eyes downcast. “I’m sorry you have me as a soulmate.”

“Nothing to be sorry about, pal. We’re best buds.” He grinned, brushing a finger over one of Steve’s veins. “The yellow tells us that.”

“I guess…”

“Come on, how about you tell me all about how to draw.”

Steve picked up his sketchbook and turned to Bucky. “You have to draw lines.”

Bucky nudged his shoulder. “Thanks, that explained a lot.”

\--

Bucky was on Steve’s living room floor, on a pile of blankets, staring up at the ceiling. He was humming a tune, something he’d heard on the wireless. Steve was curled up on the couch, drawing a thing or two. Probably drawing Bucky. He was starting to notice the warming of his yellow veins more and more these days. Being fifteen really highlighted how much he cared for his best guy.

People at school were teasing Bucky for his yellow veins. It didn’t bother him, he often told a story of his soulmate, a wonderful gal who moved away. It shut his classmates up pretty quickly. It was a story Bucky’s ma had forced upon him and Steve. Apparently, no one could know the truth about them. Story was, Bucky’s soulmate had moved away, they’d never had a chance to connect. Steve’s soulmate had rejected him, something Bucky had gotten up in arms about, though Steve had said it was okay.

But he’d felt his sadness through the bond.

“Steve?” Bucky murmured, turning his head to look at him. He was quite a sight to see.

“Yeah?”

“What do you think of Dolores?”

“Just ask her out already, Buck.” Steve looked to him sternly. “What are you waiting for?”

Little did Steve know, Dolores wasn’t into men. She had asked if he and Steve were soulmates one day, when no one was about. He’d lied but she’d seen through it, calling Bucky out on his longing looks. Only to then tell him in confidence about her being similar. They cooked up a plan to use each other as covers. Dolores’s veins might be blue, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t pretend to date. No one would hate them too much for that.

“I don’t… Just thinking if it’s worth it.” He frowned. “I don’t want you feeling left out. Dolores has a friend, you know?”

“Not interested.”

“Steve…”

“Buck, no.” He smiled, despite the sorrow coursing down the bond. “You do what you want. I’ll be fine.”

Couple days later, Bucky found himself sitting on footsteps, talking to Dolores, or Dot as he liked to call her. They’d had a meal at a diner and Bucky had walked Dot home, but she was adamant they were going to have a talk. Once they got to her house, they sat down on the steps. It took them a while to talk, with making sure no one was near to hear.

“Are you going to tell him?” Dot said, startling the silence that had settled.

“You think I should?”

“Your veins are warm… not yellow.”

Bucky scuffed his shoe against the stone. “So?”

“Which means your bond is not platonic.” She touched his elbow. “He needs to know. He’s probably thinking the same.”

“I can’t… My ma would–”

“Your ma knows?”

Bucky nodded and sighed. His only regret in life was pulling Steve out of that wardrobe. If he hadn’t, they wouldn’t have touched. “Steve and I, we touched when we were young.”

“Oh… Bucky…”  She nodded to herself. “Then we’ll keep up this cover for as long as we can.”

“Thank you.”

Their relationship was a bit of a surprise, according to their classmates. It went from a sweet romance to Bucky taking out Dot every night he could. Sometimes they’d just walk, enjoy the air, talk about soulmates.

Everyone was convinced they were doing something more scandalous, especially as Bucky knew Dolores wasn’t his soulmate and vice versa. But they were plain wrong, not that their classmates would know any different.

One day, three months on, they went to Rockaway beach, and Bucky actually convinced Steve to come along.

He pretended that he was trying to win a stuffed bear for Dot, but no. Dot had convinced him to win it for Steve. It didn’t go to well, and Dot had a good laugh at him.

“Oh… _Bucky_ ,” she said, hooking her arm around Bucky’s. “It’s okay.”

“I’m going to get hot dogs. Steve, you want one?”

Steve had been watching the waves, obviously trying to ignore Bucky and Dot pretending to be romantic. He turned around and shrugged. “Sure.”

So, he and Dot went off to get hot dogs, while Steve sat on a bench and kept watching. It was as if he was memorising the environment. Which was a lovely thought. Probably so he could draw it later. Bucky should have thought to bring Steve’s sketchbook.

“You’re always thinking of him,” Dot said. “And you’re about to use all your money on hot dogs.”

“You have enough to get home.”

“And _you_ want to spend more time with Steve.”

“No harm in that.” Bucky smiled, just the idea that he’d have more time brought joy to him. His ma was getting stricter with how often Bucky could see Steve, not that he didn’t sneak out anyway.

“There isn’t. But you should really tell him. I can see his jealousy.”

“It’s not–”

“Bucky, trust me, it is.”

He nodded and kept that in mind.

\--

“You are garbage at romance, Bucky,” Steve said.

Bucky had just turned seventeen and his relationship of the month had broken down. It had been a good long while since he’d been with Dot, and the last few girls he’d taken out had all been in similar situations. Keeping secrets from those around them. When Bucky managed to convince Steve to go on a double date, he made sure those he was taking out were partners with yellow veins.

While Steve fought in any back alley he could, protecting the little guy and always scaring Bucky half to death, Bucky was protecting young girls. Bucky’s dates were often girls who needed to pretend their soulmate was a man. If it was a double date, Bucky’s date brought along a friend. It was complicated. It was keeping their family’s suspicions low. Bucky liked to think he was helping. He hoped he was helping.

Right now, since another ‘relationship’ had ended, Steve was lecturing him. He spoke of how he was useless and was somehow disrespecting the girls. Oh, poor Steve, he had no idea.

“I’m not _garbage_ , it’s just… The girls know I’m not their soulmate. It’s a scandal.” Bucky shifted on the couch. Steve’s ma was in bed, sleeping after a long nightshift, he didn’t want to be too loud. Talk of soulmates got Sarah Rogers teary eyed.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

Steve rubbed his arm, seeming nervous. “You’re stuck with me. A platonic bond. And everyone has a soulmate… You never get a real chance.”

Bucky sighed. He was beginning to think platonic bonds only existed between people who wanted that, but romance was always an option. And there were people who ran from their soulmates, them being too violent or otherwise. Sometimes people got second chances with someone else.

Bucky didn’t want anyone else but Steve.

“Pal, I’ve got you. That’s all I need.”

Steve smiled a small bit. Bucky scooted across the couch and put an arm around him. They smiled at each other. There was something so delicate between them and their veins were only getting closer to red than the yellow they had started at. Luckily, no one had noticed. The problem was, had Steve noticed?

“Our veins…” Bucky began.

“Are less yellow now than ever,” Steve finished, glancing up at him. “What does that mean for us?”

“It means I’d really like to teach you to dance.” Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand and pulled him up.

“I’ll step on your toes.”

“All part of the process!” He smiled at his beautiful soulmate. His one true friend. His everything.

Bucky placed his hand at Steve’s waist, and Steve quickly caught on to slip his hand behind Bucky’s back. Bucky hoped that Steve had truly been watching all those times he sat out, telling Bucky to have fun without him.

“We can’t do this without music,” Steve complained, probably trying to get out of this.

“How Deep Is The Ocean?”

“Okay.”

Bucky smiled. “Follow my steps, just… mirror me. Not much room to dance properly.”

He sang quietly. It could only ever be heard between the two of them. Something utterly private, beautiful. As Bucky stepped forward, Steve stepped back. As they moved around the space in front of the couch, Steve was learning to be delicate with his steps. Not that he was bad to begin with, he only needed the chance to dance. And if they were helped along by their bond, sending reassurances and joy along it, then that’s how it was. Besides, they were soulmates. Dancing wasn’t hard between people who were in sync anyway.

As Bucky sang the lyrics, Steve hummed. The song was one question, how much do I love you? But really, it wasn’t a question at all. It was like saying how long was a piece of string. You couldn’t measure the love between two people, two soulmates.

Bucky was beginning to realise he loved Steve, that he’d finally gotten to the age where friendship fell away to reveal something else. It wasn’t something deeper per se, it was just perfect.

He dipped Steve, causing him to gasp. They grinned at each other. And slowly, their warm veins, the orange they’d become, faded into a beautiful, deep red. The moment was only completed as Bucky leant in, pressing his lips against Steve’s.

Steve leant back up, sliding his hand up to Bucky’s neck, reeling him in. Keeping him in place. Bucky held Steve at his waist, pulling him as close as could be. Steve’s lips parted, and their kiss deepened. Bucky had needed this for so long, wanted to know if Steve could really love him. And now, none of that mattered. It was happening. Bucky got to feel the way Steve’s lips moved against his, slotting in like they belonged there. The way their tongues moved together, light fleeting touches. Beautiful. Bucky could explore, he could map Steve.

His hands trailed up Steve’s back, noting all his beautiful imperfections. Steve pulled Bucky forward, and the two landed on the couch, their lips separating. Bucky grinned down at Steve, both were regaining breath. Soulmates moving from yellow to red were often overwhelmed with emotion, but Bucky and Steve had waited a long time for this. The transition was simpler.

Bucky nuzzled Steve’s neck, whispering, “I love you.”

Steve pressed a kiss to Bucky’s throat. “I love you too.”

Bucky nosed along Steve’s jaw, leaving little kisses. He brushed his lips against his skin, trailing up to his mouth. He lightly brushed over his lips, till Steve pulled him down. This time it was deep, longing… like they were kissing to stay alive. Like it was all there was. Breathing came second to this. It was so filled with love, it flowed freely between them, like an open line where nothing was restricted or left behind.

Bucky cupped Steve’s face, his thumbs gliding back and forth on his skin. Soft, delicate, beautiful. Everything was so clear now; his mind was open. His soulmate was right there with him, they could never be parted, not now, not while their connection was so knitted together.

“I love you,” Bucky murmured against Steve’s lips, leaving them to place a kiss at Steve’s ear. “We need to be closer,” he whispered, his breath hot.

Steve put a hand on Bucky’s chest. “We can cuddle, in bed.”

Bucky sighed with content and moved off Steve, offering his hand. Gladly, they pulled each other into Steve’s room. They striped down to their underwear and climbed into Steve’s small bed. Bucky curled around Steve, wrapped his arms around his chest and pulled him close. Steve settled into his arms and the two closed their eyes. Not to plunge into sleep, no this wasn’t what this was for, it was to settle in their stronger bond.

You had to stay close during this process, otherwise the bond had a good chance to be broken. It would be unrepairable, always inadequate compared to other more stable bonds. This wouldn’t happen here. They were safe in Steve’s room.

Bucky didn’t know how much time had passed by the time Sarah Rogers stepped into the room. She gasped and that ripped the two away from their zoned-out state. It was okay, they were still close. And the process was complete anyway, their bond was set and strong.

“Oh… boys,” Sarah said, her face set in a frown. “Life will be hard on you.”

And then she was gone. Bucky and Steve stared at each other, lips curled downwards. They already knew how hard it was. They had resisted the pull towards this for a long time. They had been in love for a long while, only it was unknown and not deep enough yet. When they danced, they fell harder than before, and they knew it had changed everything. What they had was illegal. It wasn’t seen as right. That hurt more than anything else. But it would be okay, no one would notice.

Later in the day, Bucky walked home. He buttoned up his shirt, pulled on his gloves. He’d kept them on lately, using the excuse to his ma that it was pretend, a cover. Really, it was to hide the orange. Now his veins were red, he hoped that she wouldn’t notice. It was a fool’s errand.

He got in and his ma appeared from the kitchen. “Oh, James, you’re home. Did you have a good day?”

Bucky smiled. What a day it was. “Yeah.”

He watched as his ma’s face slowly fell. He wasn’t looking forward to this. “Your veins are red?”

“They are…?” Bucky pulled off a glove to look, feigning ignorance. 

“Don’t pretend with me…! You and Steve, you’re homosexuals now?”

He ducked his head. “Please, _Ma_.”

“What would God think?”

“God made me this way! He did this to me and Steve! We didn’t do anything _wrong_.” He wished his ma could see that… he didn’t do anything wrong. He was _eight_.

His ma shook her head, disproving. “This is it, James, you mustn’t see him anymore. You’ll have to pretend your soulmate came over for a weekend and left again. _Do_ you hear me?”

Bucky gritted his teeth. “I hear you just fine.”

“James, you are my _son_. You will listen to reason eventually.”

He sighed, turning from his ma and ran upstairs. He grabbed the nearest bag and stuffed everything he could into it. Clothes, precious items that mattered to him. He had to leave, immediately, in case… just in case. He didn’t know what his ma would do, she’d always hated the bond he and Steve shared. The fact that it was romantic made it worse.

He stormed down the stairs, stopping at the door. He glanced back, this was his family home. His siblings were here, too young to know why Bucky would leave.

No. It was nothing to him now.

He left, sprinting down the street to get as far away as possible.

Without meaning to, he ended up at Steve’s. His clothes were ruffled from his panicked running. He clutched his bag tight in his hand, his nails surely leaving crescents in his skin. He didn’t care. The only person he needed to be by was his soulmate.

Steve’s door swung open, his eyes wide. “God, Buck, what happened?” He practical pulled Bucky inside, that’s how out of it he was, he couldn’t get his legs to work. Steve manoeuvred him over to the couch and got him to sit. He was seconds away from breaking, and he knew Steve could feel it.

“My ma, she saw the red… Said I couldn’t see you again, so, I– I– left. I had to”

“Buck…”

Bucky brushed his hands through his hair, grabbing a few strands and tugging. “I, uh… I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“You will stay here,” Sarah said, standing tall in her nurse uniform. “I’ve been terrified of what Winnie would do for years. You can stay here.”

“I’ll pay my way, I promise.”

 “I have no doubt.” She smiled. “You’re soulmates in love, you should never be torn away.”

Bucky relaxed, okay, maybe he was safe here. Sarah understood what it was like to be torn away, her veins were a faded black, forgotten and empty. A soulmate love void of the love it required. “Thank you.”

“Nothing to say thanks for. This is an important time for you both.”

Steve curled his arm around Bucky. “We’ll figure this all out, don’t worry.”

Bucky leant into Steve’s touch, smiling slightly. He had no choice in saying goodbye to his family but being with Steve meant the world. “Yeah, yeah we will.”

Sarah was soon out the door, off to work. Steve stayed by Bucky, he was still out of it. Highly out of it. He just wanted to curl up and cry, which Steve allowed him to do by letting him lay his head on his lap. It would never be easy for them. Their love was illegal, despite them being soulmates. In the eyes of most, they were corrupt. But this was all they had ever known, for nine years. They were together from a young age, a privilege soulmates didn’t usually have.

His thoughts were suddenly overruled by large amounts of comfort. Steve was staring down at him, smiling ever so slightly. The emotions flowing through the bond helped, it reminded him that Steve was right here with him, throughout it all.

“We need covers. People will _know_ , Steve…” Bucky said, his voice coming out in a whisper.

“I know. But how can we?”

Little did Steve know… “All my dates were queer girls, in need of a cover themselves.”

Steve actually gasped. “ _Oh_. Then… do you know anyone who needs help?”

Bucky nodded, he did know a couple who were being cautious around their families. They hadn’t found anyone they could trust, but their families knew their veins were red. A terrible set of circumstances Bucky had learnt of the other week. “Connie and Bonnie.”

“Really…?”

“Yeah, they asked me for help, but I couldn’t, at the time. Their veins are red.” He sat up. “We can help them, they can help us.”

Steve smiled. “You think they’ll want to?”

“Yeah, they _need_ to.”

\--

“Bucky… what _are_ you doing?” Connie asked, staring at Bucky with an amused expression.

Bucky, in his mind, was miming a bird cawing but the girls just didn’t understand his actions. Steve was curled up on the couch biting back a laugh. Bucky rolled his eyes and sighed.

“It was a bird, okay?”

Bonnie gave out a hearty laugh. “A dying bird, maybe.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, _again_. “Shut up.” He collapsed onto the couch and wrapped his arms around Steve, trying to escape from Connie and Bonnie.

Steve patted his head. “Aw, Buck. Don’t be a sore loser.”

“Pay attention, boys,” Connie said as she got up to do her routine.

It was any normal Sunday. Spending time with Connie and Bonnie had been a must, years previous, but they were good friends these days. Treasured friends. They had been there for Steve and Bucky when they needed it most. Been there when Bucky’s ma tried to find Bucky, to drag him back home. Been there when Sarah died. Had supported Steve when he was ill. Connie had her father promise he’d take Steve on in his shop, it helped pay the way for art school. Steve and Bucky had defended Connie and Bonnie plenty of times, from harassment and all sorts.

They were the closest of friends, and that made everyone believe Connie and Bucky were soulmates, that Steve and Bonnie were. Even if Bonnie didn’t get on too well with Steve. They just clicked as a group and protected each other in harsh times. It was kind of the point of their whole set up anyway, but it meant more these days. It meant a whole lot more.

Connie mimed opening a book, gaping at it in wonder. Bucky furrowed his brow, not sure what it could be while Steve began sniggering and Bonnie lit up, clearly with an answer in mind.

“It’s Bucky reading one of those books!” Bonnie exclaimed, laughing a little.

“That’s right!” Connie said, excitedly, shooting a look Bucky’s way.

“I swear, you all make it your mission to tease me.”

Steve smirked. Ohhh, here he goes. “It _is_ our mission.”

Bucky raised his hands and stood. “You know what? I’m going to start dinner.”

All he heard as he ventured into the kitchen was Connie, Bonnie and Steve laughing their heads off. Always at the expense of Bucky and his poor feelings. He smiled as he got the pots and pans out, he enjoyed it all really. They were family, if they didn’t tease each other, who would? There had been misery in over the years, but humour kept it light, even in the darkest of times.

Bucky thought he heard a knock at the door but was concentrating on not chopping his hand off to listen. He heard murmured voices, a rush of footsteps, a whimper. He put down the knife and returned to the living room, to find Becca sitting on the couch, crying lightly. Connie and Bonnie were comforting her, while Steve approached Bucky, a frown set on his face.

“Becca?” Bucky said, rushing to her side. He couched by her, trying to catch her line of sight. Her face was stained with tears. “What happened?”

“My– my veins…” She extended her arm; her veins were black. They were completely black, dark and horrifying. It couldn’t have happened too recently, otherwise Becca would have still been in pain. She was more upset than doubled over, screaming as a connection to her died. It was the only time a soulmate was supposed to feel the other’s pain, when they died.

Bucky bit back tears, he had to be strong, for his sister. He wanted to beg to _anything_ , so his sister could have her soulmate back. He couldn’t imagine losing Steve, and Becca, she had loved her soulmate. He knew little of the man, but his sister had _loved_. “Becca…”

“I lost my soulmate.” She took a breath, regaining composure of some kind. It was a miracle she could stop crying at all. “He died a week ago… But I’m here because… Ma is going to come after you again. She thinks God cursed our family because of you. She blames you for me losing my soulmate, for never getting a chance to marry him.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t know why she does… Bucky, you have to stay safe.”

Bucky nodded. “I’ll stay safe, Becca, I’m fine. You… you should be at home, grieving. Not worrying about me.”

“But that’s just it, Bucky. I worry because I don’t want you to lose Steve.” Becca took one of his hands, holding it tight. “If she finds you, I worry that she will make you feel the pain I have felt.”

Steve grimaced. He was standing behind the couch, out of Becca’s eyesight. He had paled since Becca had arrived. Connie and Bonnie were holding back the tears that threatened to run from their eyes. It was a terrible sight, one with black veins, four with red. Love surrounded Becca, yet she had lost a special kind of love. And now, their ma was a threat once more. Bucky thought he’d got away from that.

“Becca… Go home… You need family around you.”

“ _You’re_ my family.” She frowned, a tear rolled down her cheek.

“You need to stay with Ma, forget I ever existed. Forget you were here.” Bucky closed his eyes, he didn’t want to see Becca as he made this decision. He didn’t want to make this decision. But if he was going to keep his little family alive, then he had to distance himself from Becca once and for all. Death had always been a possibility for him, Steve… Connie, Bonnie. But it wouldn’t be at the hands of his own family.

“Bucky… Please.”

“I’m a risk, to you. If Ma knew we were talking–”

Becca shook her head vehemently, squeezing Bucky’s hand. “No. I came here because you’re my brother and I want to be safe.”

Bucky pulled away from Becca, stepping back. He bowed his head, sighing. “I have to protect my family too…”

Connie stood, approaching Bucky. “Are you sure? You’re distancing yourself from your sister.”

“I have to. We’re all at risk.”

“I understand…” Becca stood, slowly. “You have your own family now. I know. Just remember, be careful.”

Bucky didn’t look to Becca as Bonnie and Steve led her out. Connie stared at Bucky sternly. He knew he was about to get told off by the people he cared about most. He was protecting them, and himself, but mostly them. They were everything to him. He hadn’t seen Becca in a couple months… He hadn’t seen his other siblings, his ma, his father in… years. When Sarah had been around, they had more protection. Without her, they had been at risk for a long time.

It was 1939, it wasn’t like there were many places where risk was at a minimum.

It was a couple days later when Bucky realised his decision meant nothing. He was heading to work, down at the docks, when he saw his father standing at the corner of a building. He must have known this was the path Bucky would take somehow. Had his family been watching him? Was he safe? Was… No. He didn’t have to panic. His father’s expression looked neutral. Maybe he was checking up on him…

“Hello, James.”

Bucky had to stop himself from wincing at hearing that name. “Hello.” He continued walking, he had to get to work.

“James. We want to invite you and your… you and Steve to dinner. Your friends can come too.”

He continued walking. Yet, his arm was grabbed, halting him. His father didn’t look particularly happy but since he’d started boxing and working at the docks, Bucky had built up muscle. He could fight back if he needed to. He tore his arm from his father’s grasp and started at him.

“Why?” he wondered. “Why now?”

“There is talk of war breaking out in Europe… Maybe now is time to make amends.”

“Because we might be dragged into war? Because, what exactly?” Bucky stepped back. “It’s not like you or Ma would care if I died.”

His father’s face dropped. “No, James… We would–”

“Would you?” Bucky scoffed. “I have to get to work.” And he kept walking, and nothing stopped him, his father didn’t try. Good, he didn’t want him to. He wanted to keep going, he wanted to ignore that his family knew his route to work. He wanted to protect those who mattered to him. Walking into the lion’s den would not be a good idea. It couldn’t be a good idea.

But, when he got home, Steve saw it for what it was. An olive branch. A chance to start again, to make up and move on from the past. Problem was, Steve didn’t see when the face of Winifred Barnes fell at the sight of Bucky’s red veins. He didn’t hear the poison in her tone. Sure, he knew when she tried to find them. She’d asked around the whole neighbourhood, trying most of all when evening fell. Sneaking around, trying to get to them. But he didn’t know what it was like to be rejected by your own mother.

Seen as wrong…

“Why not, Bucky?” Steve patted his hand. “They’re your family.”

“I’m scared… My ma thinks we’re cursed, Becca said so.” He stared at the floor. “What would they do to us if they could lock the exits?”

Steve sighed, deflating completely. “They wouldn’t hurt you.”

“I’m not so sure… Becca warned us for a reason.”

“And you think it’s because they wanted to hurt us?”

He nodded, fear ran through him. He was terrified of what they would do. Becca was worried their ma would kill Steve, to make Bucky feel pain. That kind of fear didn’t come from nothing, she must have overheard something. She had lost her soulmate and gone to warn Bucky despite her own pain, that spoke volumes.

“What if they don’t? What if they really want to make amends?” Steve asked. He always wanted there to be good in the world, Bucky knew that. But he and Steve knew better than anyone, bullies were everywhere.

“If they did, Becca wouldn’t have come to see us.”

And that was the end of that, or so Bucky thought.

He’d really wished.

By the time the issue rose its head again, war had broken out in Europe. Steve was shouting every day about how America had to get involved, how they needed to fight against evil. And Bucky… he didn’t want to see that change in his soulmate. Didn’t want Steve to be so eager to go and fight, it scared him more than the world did, than his family did. At least, for now, America showed no signs of joining.

He found himself in a shop, buying groceries. Connie was with him, to keep up appearances more than anything else. She had her arm hooked around his as they browsed the aisles, picking up the odd thing here and there. They were going to have another dinner, making a better effort to all work together this time around.

“James,” a familiar voice called out. They turned to see Bucky’s ma, standing tall.

“Ma.”

“Please come to dinner.”

He glanced to Connie, who nodded to him. They stepped back, distancing themselves ever so slightly. “Why?”

“We haven’t seen you in so long… I’m sorry, James, please… come home.” His ma reached out, but he and Connie stepped back again. They stayed close, ready to flee if needs be.

“What do you want from us?”

“Nothing. I want to spend time with my son.”

“You wouldn’t make me feel the most awful pain to exist, would you?” He watched careful as her face fell. Yet, it wasn’t in horror. It was scary, if nothing else.

“I want to do what’s best for you.” Her tone was sharper now. Connie’s eyes widened, her grip tightened around Bucky’s arm.

“That isn’t what’s best. I don’t want to feel his death.” Bucky didn’t know how he was keeping himself together, but he was. He had to, to protect those that mattered most.

“I’ll find where you live.”

“You won’t. Leave, Ma.” He glanced towards the cashier. One of Connie’s cousins and a boxer, like Bucky. “I’m good friends with the owners of this store… I will ask them to protect us, if I have to.”

His ma scowled but complied, leaving the store without saying another word. Connie breathed a sigh of relief, while Bucky bent to his knees, regaining his breath. He hoped that was the last of it, it probably was. They had tried and tried. They knew Bucky would fight if he had to, and he had people to protect him. This felt like breaking free from his family, once and for all.

Connie smiled on the walk home, their groceries in hand. She spoke of how to everyone else, their covers were fine. To everyone else, they were average soulmates. Not people who had bonds that were wrong to society.

When they got in, they found Steve drawing at the dinner table and Bonnie reading a book on the couch. They announced they had groceries, and all piled into the kitchen (it was quite a squeeze). Bonnie took control of chopping vegetables, Bucky was in charge of the small bit of meat they had. Connie and Steve prepared the work area, making sure not to get in anyone’s way.

In the middle of the chaos, a knock echoed through the apartment. Someone was at the door. Steve and Connie had nothing to do, so they went over, while Bucky and Bonnie continued. It was getting late, too late for visitors. Nobody should have been there. It was probably one of their neighbours, maybe the old–

A shriek came from the living room. Bonnie stilled, Bucky told her to stay where she was. He crept into the other room, seeing his father holding a knife towards Steve and Connie. He didn’t think as he rushed forward, pulling Steve and Connie behind him. They went willingly, Connie was shaking, Steve looked ready to fight. He couldn’t risk either of them getting hurt. If anyone was going to die tonight, it would be Bucky and Bucky alone.

“Go to the kitchen,” he said, firmly. He kept his eyes trained on his father.

“Bucky–” Steve tried to protest, fear rippled down the bond.

“The kitchen, _now_.”

Steve lingered for a second before Connie pulled him into the kitchen and away from… this situation. Bucky put his hands up, staring his father in the eyes. His stare was firm, if not dark. His family really wanted him to feel Steve die, really wanted to kill this family he had. They hadn’t done anything wrong, they weren’t hurting anybody.

“Your mother is hurt.”

Bucky gritted his teeth. “She wants to kill Steve… You want to kill Steve?”

“It’s for your own good.”

“No, it’s not.” Bucky stepped back as his father tried to advance. “You don’t get it, do you? Connie, Bonnie, Steve and I, we’re in this situation because people deny us love. Deny us our soulmates. We are bonded to each other for a reason, not to be punished, but to have the harmony our souls desire.” He pointed to his veins. “The red shows the bond between me and Steve, our love. It’s beautiful, it’s not wrong or unnatural, it just is. Father… please. Don’t kill us. Please, please, don’t kill us.” His expression hardened. “I _will_ protect my family if I have to. What you’re doing is destroying your own.”

His father looked to the knife quizzically. He glanced to Bucky, his brow furrowing. He seemed to be working through something. Bucky hoped it wasn’t how best to kill them. How to beat them, cut them till their blood drained from their bodies. Or beat them until they pass out, never to wake. That’s what happened to people like them… He didn’t want it to be his own father but… here they were.

“ _Please_ ,” Bucky begged, because he wasn’t above that. He _needed_ to ensure three people survived tonight.

His father straightened up, Bucky readied himself. If these were his last moments, he was going to fight for them.

The knife fell from his father’s hands, he stepped back, his eyes wide in horror. Bucky moved forward and kicked the knife to the far side of the room. He breathed deeply, staring at his hyperventilating father. He’d had a change of heart, he could have easily overpowered Bucky. But there he was, struggling to breath.

“Dad?” Bucky murmured, staring. “It’s okay.”

“No… No, James,” his father began, regaining his breath. “I was going to kill you and– all you could think about was your love, your family.” He stepped back, tears clear in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, son. I’m so, so sorry.”

He dove out the door and Bucky was left in that living room, hardly believing he was still breathing. A knife lay in the corner… Steve, Connie, Bonnie. They were safe, thank god they were safe. He fell back, to the ground, sitting there. He kept breathing, it was all he had to keep him from screaming.

“Is it over?” Bonnie said, coming into the room.

“It’s over,” Steve replied, crouching down by Bucky. He wrapped his arms around him, placing a kiss at his temple, enveloping Bucky in his warmth. Thank god, thank god his soulmate lived.

“I think– they will leave us alone.”

“You’re sure?” A soothing feeling came running down the bond, lifting Bucky’s spirits ever so slightly.

“Yeah, yeah I am.”

Connie sat down by Bucky, so did Bonnie. They smiled at him and they all got him up and seated on the couch. Bonnie went off to continue dinner, while the other two stayed by Bucky, comforting him. He was glad they were there to support each other, they would never get through anything otherwise.

Thank god they had each other.

\--

The four of them were sitting on the floor, laughing and eating and drinking a small bit. They had the wireless on, listening to wonderful music that played. Bucky had done some extra hours, so he could treat the people around him. A good dinner (even if they were on the floor), some alcohol and later, some dancing if they could convince Steve to come along.

Connie lay back on her hands after she’d finished. “If people like us could get married, what would you want the wedding to be like?”

Bonnie looked to Connie, her eyes swimming with love. “I’d want ours to be small and private, with lots of flowers, in a good church, far from here.”

Connie grinned. “I’d want that too.”

Bucky looked to Steve, already smiling at the mere idea they could get married. “We could have ours outside, in the summer so you won’t get cold but your allergies won’t be too bad.”

Steve didn’t even look at Bucky, but sorrow spiked through the bond. “What’s the point of thinking about it if it’s never going to happen?”

“It might,” Connie said. “It could happen one day. Things might change.”

“Two years ago Bucky’s father tried to kill us. Doesn’t feel like things will change.”

Bucky frowned and wrapped his arm and Steve, moving closer to him. “Doesn’t matter if we can get married legally or not… We’ll just have our own ceremonies.”

Bonnie lit up, scrambling to her feet. “That’s a brilliant idea! We could do it, right now.”

Steve’s brow crinkled before a slight smile tugged at his lips. “Okay… Let’s do it.”

Soon enough, Bonnie was hanging makeshift decorations, made from paper and old clothes none of the four had managed to fix. They all got dressed in their best clothes, their wedding attire. Connie searched around the apartment looking for objects to use instead of rings. Small mementoes they could keep on them without anyone getting suspicious.

Out of all the items in their home, Connie scraped together a few. She’d get a chunky orange bracelet, Bonnie would get flower earrings, Steve would get an old broken watch and Bucky would have the leather bracelet.

Connie and Bonnie were up first, standing in amongst a circle of scrap fabric. It was the best they could do for a spur of the moment thing… Well, for soulmates with red veins, was anything truly spur of the moment when it came to the love they shared? It wasn’t even a full ceremony, just the vows they’d always wanted to speak.

Connie held the earrings in her hand as she said, “I promise to love and cherish you… to be with you through it all, for better or worse. In sickness and in health. For richer or poorer… till death do us part.”

She helped Bonnie get the earrings in. They giggled a small bit as Connie nearly lost the backing of one. Once they were both in, Bonnie took Connie’s hand and slid the bracelet on.

“I promise to love and cherish you… to be with you through it all, for better or worse. In sickness and in health. For richer or poorer… till death do us part.”

Bucky and Steve clapped as the two kissed, sweet and beautiful as the music on the wireless swelled behind them. They gazed at each other for a second, smiling bright, before kissing again. It was only another small press of the lips and they giggled at the end, pulling each other over to the couch, but it showed the easy love that flowed between them.

Steve and Bucky stepped into the circle after Connie and Bonnie calmed down. They beamed at each other, even if it wasn’t in a legal sense, it would still be their vows. Solidifying their true love, in front of witnesses, in their home. The bond fluttered with joy and excitement. Bucky relished in the feeling.

Bucky began clasping the watch to Steve’s wrist as he said, “I promise to love you, cherish you and keep you out of back alley fights.” Connie and Bonnie laughed while Steve shook his head, amused. “I’ll always be with you, for better or worse. In sickness and health, for richer or poorer. To the end of the line, punk.”

Steve chuckled lightly, taking Bucky’s wrist and sliding the leather bracelet on. “I promise to love and cherish you and stop getting into so many fights.” Steve grinned as Bucky gave out a soft laugh. “I’ll be with you, for better or worse. In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. To the end of the line… jerk.”

They both beamed as they leant in to kiss. It was a simple chaste kiss, but the applause from Connie and Bonnie just made it all the better because they’d said vows, made it their own. They didn’t need the church’s approval, or anyone’s approval. This was something between their family and only their family. No one else would know what four little objects meant, or what words they’d spoken behind closed doors.

As they parted, Bucky grinned and held Steve’s hand. They couldn’t keep their eyes of each other.

“Wanna go dancing?” he asked, almost whispering.

“Just here? Where we can dance?”

Bucky leant his forehead on Steve’s. “Yeah, just here.”

\--

Connie strode up to Bucky, pinning his arms to his side. She was getting stronger these days, after the training he gave them all. “Bucky, no,” she said, staring into his eyes.

“But he’s–” Bucky suddenly realised the tears rolling down his cheeks.

“He’ll be fine… But you have to go, Bucky.” Connie patted his arms. “Say your goodbyes…”

Bonnie was standing slightly off to the side, rubbing her arm. “We’ll look after him while you’re at basic.”

Bucky stepped away, brushing a hand through his hair. “I didn’t want to– I should be staying here, with my soulmate… This _war_ …”

“It’s an important one, Bucky,” Connie said, her voice so delicate and full of concern. “You’re a good fighter, you can go out there and you’ll come home.”

“What if I don’t?” He ducked his head, his tears rolling off his face, splattering on the floor. “God knows when they’ll even send me out.”

Bonnie stood tall, taking Bucky’s shoulders and shaking them. “Toughen up, soldier. You have a duty to perform. You’re fine to leave us in charge, your soulmate is in safe hands, always has been.” She slapped him on the shoulder, which hurt more than it should have. “Now go talk to your man, while you still have time.”

Connie folded her arms. “And if he wakes, don’t start an argument with him _again_.”

Bucky brushed his tears away and slipped into his and Steve’s bedroom. He stopped by the doorway, his eyes flittering over Steve’s current condition. Unconscious, still had a bit of a temperature and very, very ill… They hadn’t called a doctor out quite yet, but Bucky knew this was one of the worst bouts of illness Steve had ever experienced. It put a strain on the bond, there was just a dead silence flowing between them. It was like that when Steve was ill.

He approached the bed with caution, sitting on the edge. He tentatively took Steve’s hand into his own. A whimper bubbled in his throat, his eyes began to water once again. It wasn’t fair. Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t they be left in peace…? They’d been through too much, far too much already. And now, this. Going off to basic.

“Hey… punk. You’re really scaring me now, you know that?” Bucky squeezed Steve’s hand, hoping for… some response. All he got was nothing. “I, uh, leave, this morning. Gotta go train… Helps that I know how to fight, partly thanks to you.” He closed his eyes. “I don’t know what will happen from here, Steve. But I _hope_ you stop trying to enlist. It’s not going to work, doll. I’d rather you stay home, safe, doing what you can from this side.”

Bucky brushed Steve’s bangs out of his eyes and kissed his forehead. His fever had died down immensely, since he no longer had sweat all over him. He’d be fine. Connie and Bonnie had his back, they really did.

“I love you.” He patted Steve’s hand and stood, slowly backing out of the room. He didn’t want to take his eyes of him, didn’t want to leave without properly saying goodbye.

“Bu…”

“Steve.” Bucky rushed back over to the bed, looking over Steve. His eyes fluttered open and with weak movements, he tried to reach out. Bucky took his hand and sat back down.

“You’ll… be fine, Buck.”

“Maybe I will.”

Steve’s eyes hardened as he stared into Bucky’s soul. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He smiled, lightly. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

Bucky nodded, tears daring to run again. “Get better.”

“I will…”

And that was that. Bucky squeezed Steve’s hand once more, kissed it and reluctantly left the room. Connie and Bonnie gave him hugs on the way out and reminded Bucky they’d keep Steve in line. Well, the best they could. He was glad his family was so strong… The war surely threatened to tear them apart.

\--

Training was… interesting. After his brief week's furlough, after basic, he was sent to an army base and honed his marksman skills. According to everyone around him, he was the best shot. Which was strange, since he’d never used a gun before but, apparently, people had a talent for it.

He spent the little time he had to write letters to Steve, masking them as letters to Connie. He had a small bit of code to it. If they were for Steve, the C of Connie had two flicks at either end. If the letter was indeed for Connie, the flicks weren’t present.

He couldn’t always trust Steve on what he was saying, and with Bucky being picked out all the time for more training, the occasional week’s furlough was getting rarer. He had to rely on Connie and Bonnie telling him the truth. Steve had been ill most of the time Bucky had been away. He’d been keeping up with his art despite it and… still tried to enlist, lying at every turn.

Funny thing about Steve was, people thought they knew when he was lying. But that simply wasn’t true. Bucky knew all his tells of course, it was hard to lie to a soulmate anyway. But Steve was fantastic at lying to get what he needed, whether that was to do with a protest or to help someone out.

He wouldn’t say he was worried they’d take Steve, but he knew when disappointment spiked along the bond, he’d tried again. It wasn’t good for Steve’s health.

At any time, Bucky was waiting to be sent out. He was worried what kind of emotions were flowing between the bond. He couldn’t hide anything. And the happy little emotions that used to brighten up his day no longer existed. Hadn’t for a while now.

It didn’t help when people on the base kept glancing at him sadly. His red veins weren’t necessarily rare at his age but the majority of those around him had blue veins or yellow veins. The red only made it ‘sadder’ because romantic love was seen as stronger, whether it was or not was debateable.

It was when they made him a Sergeant that it all suddenly became clear. A leadership type of role, all the extra training for a rank. And before he had time to write a letter, he was allowed to go home, for the last time.

He hoped his sorrow didn’t flow too freely along the bond.

\--

Bucky looked all around but, low and behold, Steve was gone. He glanced back to Connie and Bonnie who were staring at him. They shrugged, smiled and told him to go. Which he did. Because, of course, Steve couldn’t just have one night… One goddamn night. Bucky’s last goddamn night. Couldn’t be happy, couldn’t take his mind off the war for one second. Maybe he didn’t want to admit Bucky was going, or whatever, but ignoring him…

All he could think of was how the war might kill him, and how Steve seemed to ignore that. This could be the last night they’d see each other… ever.

He saw Steve standing by the poster, supposed to show you as a soldier or something ridiculous like that. He walked up to him and pushed his shoulder, hoping he could drag Steve away from this.

“Come on. You’re kind of missing the point here. Our soulmates need us to be there to dance.”

On a night like this, keeping up the cover was harder than usual. Bucky just wanted to take Steve into his arms and dance till the morning. But here his soulmate was… going to try again. How many times was this, really?

“You go ahead. I’ll catch up with you.”

Bucky couldn’t quite believe Steve’s steady voice, couldn’t believe that he was doing this tonight of all nights. “You’re really gonna do this again?”

“Well, it’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck.

“As who? Steve from Ohio? They’ll catch you. Or worse, they’ll actually take you.”

“Look, I know you don’t think I can do this.”

“This isn’t a back alley, Steve. It’s war!”

“I know it’s a war. You don’t have to tell me.”

“Why are you so keen to fight? There are so many important jobs.”

“What am I gonna do? Collect scrap metal–”

“Yes!”

“–in my little red wagon.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory, Bucky.”

“I don’t–”

“Bucky, come on! There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.”

“Right. ‘Cause you got nothing to prove.”

Steve glanced behind Bucky, so he followed his line of sight, seeing Connie and Bonnie patiently waiting. They would wait for them to sort it out, but, at this point, Bucky just wanted to enjoy the night. If Steve wanted to stay here, ignore Bucky, then that was fine.

He began stepping away, to leave Steve to do this… again. “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

‘Course he wouldn’t simply be able to walk away. This was Steve. He marched back up to him.

“You’re a punk.”

They melted into a hug.

“Jerk.”

It was too little, too brief. If they’d held on any longer, people would notice, would become suspicious. They couldn’t risk that now. So, Bucky mouthed ‘I love you’ as he backed out of the hug, Steve mouthed it back. It wasn’t enough, it would never be enough. But maybe they could get by like this. Not a proper goodbye, like they could pretend Bucky would come back… The emotions running down the bond told a different story.

“Sorry to interrupt,” a man with an accent said. Bucky furrowed his brow at him, this wasn’t the kind of conversation to interpose on. “I couldn’t help but overhear… You’re soulmates, right?”

Steve widened his eyes but quickly schooled his expression. “Why would you think that?”

Bucky clenched his jaw. “Just because we both have red–”

The man sighed. “You’re soulmates.” He stared at Bucky. “The need for you to keep him safe.” He turned to Steve. “You being desperate to go along, join this war. Typical soulmate behaviour, I’ve seen it a lot over these past years.”

“What about it?” Bucky asked. What was he going to do, turn them in?

“You worry this war will kill him.”

Bucky shuffled a little on the spot. “Yes.”

The man turned to Steve. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” Steve said, shrugging.

“Do you want to kill Nazis?”

Bucky watched intently as Steve’s face scrunched up, as if the very sentence offended him. Of course Steve didn’t want to kill. He’d be a pacifist if the world would let him, but there were too many bad people around. Allowed for a lot of back alley fights.

“I don’t wanna kill anyone. I don’t like bullies. I don’t care where they’re from.”

“Enlist.” The man smiled. “The result may surprise you.” He looked to Bucky, sternly. “Don’t doubt him, don’t stop him, if he wants this.”

Bucky shook his head, amused. “I couldn’t stop Steve from doing anything.”

The man smiled once again. “Good.”

He left then, leaving Bucky very confused. Steve seemed just as puzzled. They locked eyes and sighed, Bucky looked away. This might be goodbye, but they could get lucky. Maybe if that man had some influence, maybe Steve could train and realise he wasn’t able to fight. Maybe then he’d give up and stay safe.

“Be careful,” Steve said, gazing at Bucky intently, lovingly even.

Bucky blew out a breath, mouthed ‘I love you’ again and backed away. He’d allow Steve this chance, even if it was futile. Once he joined Connie and Bonnie, they looked at him with sorrow and dragged him off to dance.

This war… it had already destroyed their family and Bucky hadn’t even left yet.

What horrors would await him?


	2. A Time of Super Soldiers

“What’s wrong, Sarge?” Jones asked, sitting by the fire they’d just managed to set up. It had been a tough day as they made their way into Italy.

Bucky stared at the flames flickering in front of him. A bout of nervousness spiked across the bond… “It’s nothing.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“He doesn’t seem so sure,” Dugan said, joining their lacking conversation, for some reason. “Is it your soulmate?”

“ _Why_ would it be my soulmate?”

“Must be scary, being so young and in love.” Dugan skimmed a finger over the veins on his neck, the beautiful red clear to see. “It’s not pleasant leaving behind a bond like that.”

“I…” Bucky shook his head. “I think my soulmate is doing something stupid.”

“Why, what could she be doing?” Jones wondered.

“She… is nervous, a lot of the time. But gets a swell of pride? I’m not sure what’s going on…”

Dugan patted Bucky’s back. “Woman are hard to decipher.”

Bucky let out a small laugh. “Yeah…”

Jones lay back on his hands. “She could be getting nervous about you, and whatever you feel after we survive another day, she feels pride?”

“Could be…” And it was entirely possible. There was a chance Steve would be getting nervous. But there was no reason to, Bucky kept his emotions on hold during the days. And nervousness, instead of worry, seemed off to Bucky.

As far as he knew, Steve had been successful and was now in training. After all, the man they’d met was sure Steve would be accepted if he enlisted again. Although, that man still puzzled Bucky. Why would he see Steve differently to all the others, who’d rejected him?

It didn’t help Bucky’s worries that a horrible stinging feeling trickled down the bond one day. Bucky had written it off, thinking Steve could have done something in training… if he was training. Now… he wasn’t so sure. All that nervousness meant _something_. It had gone on for a good month and a bit now.

It was times like this that Bucky wished he’d brought the leather bracelet. He’d left it at home, to keep it safe, but that bracelet was his sign of marriage. And he didn’t have it with him.

“Maybe she’s performing,” Dugan pointed out. “I knew a guy whose soulmate was a dancer, she’d get nervous before each performance.”

Bucky scoffed. “Trust me, she’s no performer.”

“Are you selling your soulmate short, Barnes?”

“Maybe. Besides, she’s not tall enough to be a dancer.”

The two men laughed and laughed a little more before Dugan smiled softly and Jones lay back completely.

“Wars only hurt soulmates,” Dugan said, gently.

“If I die,” Jones began, sniffling a small bit, “my soulmate’s veins will go from blue to black. Isn’t that worse?”

Bucky shrugged, pulling his knees to his chest. “I don’t know… The lack of bond would make it hurt less, I’d hope but, then you’d never meet your soulmate.”

Dugan sighed. “If we all die, our soulmates will be left without that bond, without that special relationship that lies between people. That’s the worst of war, a whole new generation of ladies with black veins.”

“My soulmate’s mother had black veins,” Bucky murmured, his eyes settled on the fire once again. Talking about Sarah wasn’t easy, but this conversation between Jones and Dugan seemed important enough. “She would hardly talk about soulmates, and when she did, it was how they should never be apart.”

Jones nodded along. “I knew a mother with black veins, raising three kids. She said she’d get these pains sometimes, her veins would burn, like it was yearning for her soulmate to be back.”

“That’s terrible,” Dugan said. “I think we’ve all known someone with black veins… As I said, wars only hurt soulmates.”

Bucky closed his eyes. “Yeah… they do.”

\--

“You… didn’t have to kill him,” Bucky managed to squeak out. His condition was worsening. Getting to the point where whoever he glanced at looked back in concern.

“Lohmer was a bastard. Now he’s gone,” Dugan said.

“Okay, Dum Dum.”

Dugan furrowed his brow at him before breaking out in a grin. “I quite like that. Can I keep it?”

Bucky shrugged. He was in a cage with a weird lot. A French man that shouldn’t have been this far east, only logical conclusion was that he was brought here… all the way from France. A British man who seemed to be too British, if that was possible. And Jones and Dugan, who loved to poke their heads into everyone’s business and sort things out… Definitely weird.

Bucky liked them all.

He vaguely registered Dernier saying something in French. Jones looked to him and smiled, nodding and looked back to Bucky.

“He says to stop being an ungrateful bastard.”

“Mmm, thanks.”

“He is being a bit… unappreciative, isn’t he?” Falsworth said. “Although, I think he’d rather be left alone.”

“Yeah… I would,” Bucky eked out. God, he felt awful. He was secretly grateful for what the guys had done. He would certainly die if he worked another day. But he couldn’t help but worry that this all had repercussions. That something would happen.

Sure enough, some guards arrived at that door after… who knew how long.

Some words were spoken in German and Jones suddenly went pale. Bucky was hoisted up by two guards and dragged out of the cage. He knew what this meant, he was being taken to the isolation ward… That nobody had ever returned from. Was he going to be tortured? Were they merely going to kill him? Kill him slowly?

He worried he was going to leave Steve in the world, alone. That’d he’d experience his pain as he died.

Bucky didn’t want that, he didn’t want it.

He was dumped into a room with hardly any light in it. He glanced all around. He was alone. What was this… and why? Why wouldn’t they just kill him? He knew nothing.

He wouldn’t tell them anything even if he had information. HYDRA was planning something worse than war, he’d rather die than say a single word.

The door cracked open, letting a tiny amount of light in. A small man with glasses stepped in, holding a chair. The door was swiftly closed, and the man sat down, staring intently at Bucky. He had a clipboard resting on his lap…

What was happening?

“Hello, Sergeant Barnes. I’m Doctor Zola. I’m going to ask you some questions.”

“Why…?”

“When did you and your soulmate fall in love?”

“No.”

“Answer.”

“No.”

The man adjusted his glasses. “You will answer me.”

“No.” How was this relevant in any way? Bucky’s soulmate had nothing to do with the war. And yet, he kept asking.

The questions went on and on and on, and while Bucky wanted to shout out the answers, doing that would only satisfy Zola. For whatever reason, the man wanted to know about Bucky’s life. He couldn’t work out why, but word association appeared to be part of it. The only words he’d gotten out of Bucky so far was ‘no’ and his name, rank and serial number. If anything, he was doing it for his own sanity than anything else.

“Okay, Barnes.” Zola adjusted his glasses once again, setting his pencil down on unmarked paper. “I think it’s time.”

“For… what?”

“Your transformation, of course.”

Before he knew it, Bucky was being dragged out of the room and dragged into another. He was too weak to fight back, he could barely lift a finger, never mind his limbs. He was too sick, too bruised and battered. The guards manhandled him onto a bed of some sort. They lay him down and strapped him to it. The bindings were tight and left little room to struggle, not that he had to energy to struggle.

Zola hovered over him. “Relax… This will only hurt a little.”

He screamed. Pain coursed through his body, burning his veins, his blood. He felt nothing as pain overwhelmed him. It felt like poison was making its way around, felt like his muscles were tensing so hard they were building up. He wanted to curl into a ball until the pain passed… like… Steve used to do. He just wanted it to stop, he’d do anything to make it stop. Why wouldn’t it stop? It felt like forever, infinity, eternity.

A feeling of comfort bloomed in his chest. It did nothing to soothe the pain, but he knew it was Steve, pushing emotions down the bond.

Something pushed its way into his skin, and the pain increased tenfold. He didn’t know how long it had lasted, how long it would last. It burned. His head pounded, he tried to rip himself away from it all.

Zola’s voice echoed in his ear. “He’s not dead… Increase the dose!”

After that, so much pain ripped through him that he struggled more so. Even if he could escape for two seconds, it would be worth it. He pulled and thrashed and screamed in pain. The straps recoiled from his body, lying limply on the table. He hauled himself off, falling to the floor. All his limbs felt so, so heavy.

“No, let him,” Zola said.

Bucky lifted himself up, glancing around. The lab looked like pure horror. Some horrible machine was attached to the ceiling. It had spikes on the end, wires attached to it. Maybe that had been stuck into him? Wires came from the table too… Why was this here? What did they want?

“What… have you done to me?”

Zola smiled. “The procedure has already started…!” He gestured to the table. “Come, we must complete it.”

“No…” Bucky backed away, clinging onto himself. “No.”

“If you don’t come back, it could kill you.”

He closed his eyes. Did he have any choice? They would kill him anyway. He could last a little longer if he obeyed. He’d last as long as it would take for someone to finally come rescue them all. He only had to believe he could make it.

He walked forward, and Zola took Bucky’s arms, dragging him back to the table. He went willingly. He didn’t have a choice. He didn’t want to die yet, didn’t want Steve to feel it yet. He deserved more time before Bucky would break his heart. Break his entire being.

The guards got him back into position.

“Get the straps,” Zola said.

Bucky watched as a guard opened a drawer and brought out sturdier straps. They wrapped them around him and got to attaching them as Bucky started upwards, bracing himself for the oncoming pain. These bindings were to keep him still, to stop him breaking out again.

How he did it in the first place, he didn’t know.

The pain sparked back up once again. He’d been injected. Tears pricked at his eyes as he screamed, wailed, cried out.

Could anyone but this madman hear him? Is this what happened to all those who’d been taken away?

Zola bent over him, smiling, grinning. There was a special evil inside this man… “When did you and your soulmate fall in love?”

Bucky was too weak, too riddled with pain, to tell if he’d answered or not.

\--

All he could do after the pain ceased was repeat his name, rank and serial number. Zola kept bringing up specific memories of Bucky’s, associating them with a single word. Longing, craving to leave this place. Rusted, referring to eroded relationships with his family. Seventeen, how old he was when he fell in love. Daybreak, associated with the memory of him and his squad fighting all night against Nazis.

Zola insinuated more words were to come. He didn’t understand it yet, but the words being associated with memory… He worried for what that meant.

He was completely out of it, not sure how long he’d been there, what day or time it was or where Zola had disappeared to. He knew he wasn’t his only experiment, but he was his only experiment to survive.

He closed his eyes, his words stuck in a loop. It didn’t matter, he needed to stay sane.

“I think we should replace your arms. Make them metal.”

“James Buchanan Barnes. Sergeant. 32557038,” he said it sternly, trying to block Zola out. It never worked.

“Could you imagine the strength you’d have?” Zola approached the table, that wicked smile on. “Your chest would be able to support the arms, despite the metal. We could make you better than Captain America.”

He kept his eyes closed. “James Buchanan Barnes. Sergeant. 32557038.”

“You’re all I need. We could make you strong enough to kill Schmidt.” Zola turned, walking away. “Of course, I would have to rid your memory. You would never be loyal to me, or HYDRA.”

“James Buchanan Barnes. Sergeant. 32557038.” It was what he feared. He was not taking his memory away, not ever. He wouldn’t forget.

“Would you?”

Bucky scrunched up his eyes. “Never.” It was signing a death wish, but rather that than ever complying.

“You will become a shell either way, Barnes.”

“James Buchanan Barnes. Sergeant. 32557038.”

Zola scoffed. It sounded as if he poured liquid into a beaker. Oh… god. “I think it’s time to see what your body can withstand, don’t you think?”

Bucky clenched his fists and continued repeating his words. Even through pain, he could repeat those words, that meant so much, that told him who he was even when he wasn’t sure himself. Sergeant James Barnes. 32557038. Easy to remember. Nothing could take who he was away, not while he held onto it with an iron grip. If Zola succeeded then, he’d surely be lost. He worried for it. The words Zola kept repeating were becoming as drilled into his brain as repeating his name, rank and serial number were. They were tethers, but to two different things.

Zola pushed Bucky’s shirt up. “This is acid.”

Bucky gritted his teeth, closed his eyes as tight as he could and braced.

As the acid poured over the skin on his stomach, it spilled over onto the table, onto his hands. It burnt in a different way to the stuff Zola had injected into him. It was scalding, corrosive. Burning away his flesh. It became too much to bear. He screamed more so than ever before. It was piecing to his own ears, his stomach felt as if it was melting away. The noise he was making was horrific, he could hardly believe it came from his throat. As his vocal chords wore down, his screaming became nothing more than wails.

“It’s… healing…” Zola said, as if it surprised him.

If it was healing… maybe his flesh could recover. Maybe he wouldn’t be scarred for life.

He panted as the pain pattered off. This healing must have been fast acting, as the burning feeling became less intense, only making him want to cry rather than scream. He rolled his head, to the side, staring at this man. Zola had undoubtedly saved his life by injecting him, but this was torture of a special kind. Merciless.

“It is…?” He couldn’t resist asking.

“Mmm. The acid’s effects are null.” He smiled, creepily. “What about fire? Or ice? Or injuries? Yours are healing nicely…”

Bucky stared back at the ceiling. Ignoring Zola was for the best. “James Buchanan Barnes. Sergeant. 32557038.”

Zola had soon left the room, off to find other ways to torture, he was sure.

He didn’t want to die yet, and his body seemed against it. But death was surely the only way out. He didn’t want to become a puppet to Zola. Lose everything he was. He wanted to fight his way out, but the straps were simply too strong and without enough food, Bucky was far too weak, even with his enhanced strength. And if he did escape, what would he do? Run? Get as far away from Zola as possible? Rescue everybody?

It was impossible to tell what he wanted to do. It was impossible to run.

He kept murmuring the only words he really knew anymore.

“…Sergeant. 32557038.”

“Bucky.” Someone was near, it wasn’t Zola. “Oh my god…”

He felt the straps being pulled off. This wasn’t Zola. He wasn’t here. The voice wasn’t Zola. He snapped his eyes away from the ceiling. No, he knew that voice. Knew that voice better than anybody’s. Could it be…?

“Is– is that–?”

Someone hovered over him. “It’s me. It’s Steve.”

Bucky broke out in a grin, placing his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Steve.”

Steve was smiling just as much, he looked so relieved. “Come on.”

He couldn’t believe it. He was here, his soulmate was here. “Steve.”

Steve pulled him off the table and looked at him with adoration. Bucky kept smiling until he took in the man before him. He was so different. Had he always been like this? He’d been here for so long, he wasn’t sure what was real anymore. He’d always thought… Yeah, Steve had been small.

Steve looked him over and placed a hand at his neck, letting it linger before it retracted. “I thought you weren’t here.”

Bucky looked him up and down. “I thought you were smaller.”

There was an explosion Bucky barely managed to recognise and soon, Steve was pulling him away, supporting him. Bucky felt more like he was being dragged but given his weak state, he probably wouldn’t be too good on his own two feet. He was more worried about Steve.

“What happened to you?”

“I joined the army.”

Well… that wasn’t much of an answer. But this must have been what that man had planned for Steve… He had muscle, he was taller. Maybe, if Steve hadn’t been ill his entire childhood, he would have grown up to look like this. He did look better, wasn’t ill. He was out in the field so… the asthma must have been gone. It was all Steve had ever wanted. If only he knew the true horrors of war.

Bucky managed to walk on his own as he and Steve rushed down the hallway. “Did it hurt?” He knew well what procedures that built on muscle, made you stronger could do. Steve had cleanly ripped the straps off Bucky, he was strong.

“A little.”

Maybe that explained the stinging feeling he’d felt after he’d just been deployed.

“Is it permanent?”

“So far.”

If they had gone through the same process… Steve clearly hadn’t been tortured. He was in perfect health. Unlike Bucky, still as broken as he was when Zola dragged him from that cage. And Steve had felt his pain… Could feel his sorrow now, as he could feel Steve’s inner anger.

\--

Bucky couldn’t believe Steve had managed to jump that gap and survive. He couldn’t believe it when Steve practically carried Bucky out of the burning, exploding inferno the base had become. He couldn’t believe all the soldiers that were safe and sound. Rescued from that hell. Steve had saved them all. From the amassed crowd, he managed to pick out his fellow cellmates. Dugan, Jones, Falsworth and Dernier. They were with another man, Bucky had seen him in one of the other cages. It looked like they’d made new friend.

Bucky made a move towards them as soon as he could, glad to find the people he knew were still alive. Steve arrived by them.

“Ah, Captain America, wasn’t it?” Falsworth said.

“It’s only my stage name.”

Bucky was so worried now he knew Steve was Captain America. Zola wanted Bucky to be stronger than him, stronger than everyone. Thank god Zola couldn’t continue that. Couldn’t make Bucky kill his soulmate.

Steve glanced to him with concern, probably because of Bucky’s worry. He raised his head and cast any memory of Zola away.

“I’ll lead us back,” Steve said, immediately taking charge.

“You know where you’re going, _Captain America_?” the guy Bucky didn’t know asked.

Steve smirked. “I have the route memorised. Come on, walk with me.”

That’s how it ended up with Steve at the front, Bucky at his side. Dugan, Jones, Falsworth, Dernier, and the new guy, Mortia, behind them. They’d walked a good few miles by the time Steve called for a break. He rounded up the medics that weren’t injured themselves and sorted out a plan for the wounded. The ones who couldn’t walk were on or in the tanks, they needed to be treated first. Anyone else could wait till they arrived at camp. They had few supplies, they needed to prioritise. Once the medics got to work and everyone else found places to rest amongst the trees, Steve got very concerned about Bucky.

Of course he would, he was his soulmate.

He led Bucky to one side. His eyes flittered over him, his hands gripped his arms, checking every part of him was alright. He did feel fine now, especially as they were on the move. It made his muscles ache less. Perhaps they were getting the activity they needed.

“You okay?” Steve asked, his voice nothing more than a worried whisper.

“I feel… fine.”

“You’re not as skinny as the rest of them…” Steve furrowed his brow, a feeling of worry flowed down the bond. “You were strapped to a table, Buck.”

“I know…” He closed his eyes. “Please, Steve. I don’t want to talk about this. Not yet.”

A loving feeling came barrelling along the bond. Bucky closed his eyes and smiled, the feeling rushed over him like a blanket. In this environment, he and Steve had to be more careful. They both had red veins, and in the past, people had assumed and been right. He opened his eyes and stepped back from Steve, who understood exactly what Bucky was doing.

Bucky nodded to him and stepped away, finding Dugan and Jones pressed up against a tree. They were laughing on about something, but when Bucky got close, they snapped their mouths shut.

“Sarge…” Jones murmured. “Are you alright?”

Bucky looked down at himself. He didn’t think he’d ever be alright again, not after what Zola had done. “I’m good.”

Dugan raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. He patted the ground next to him and Bucky settled by them. “Good to see you alive, Bucky.”

“Same to you, Dugan.”

Jones grinned. “It’s Dum Dum for him now. He’s no longer Dugan.”

Bucky shook his head, amused by these two men. “Alright then, Dum Dum.”

“Also, Falsworth’s Monty now, and we’re calling Dernier Jacques because he wouldn’t accept Frenchie. And… just call me Gabe.”

“ _Frenchie_?”

Dum Dum laughed to himself and meekly raised a hand. “Entirely my fault.”

Bucky chuckled, ah, yes, Dum Dum living up to his name. “Of course.”

Monty stuck his head around the tree. He smirked and looked over to wear Steve was standing, talking to some of the wounded. “So, how do you know, Mr Captain America?”

Bucky fiddled with his hands. “Who says I know him?”

“Oh, come on. It’s obvious. He went looking for you and… same accent.”

Okay… fair enough. Trust Steve to be anything but discreet. “We grew up together.”

“Aw, that’s sweet,” Dum Dum said, patting Bucky’s shoulder. “Looks like he cares for you.”

“Must be a strong friendship,” Gabe said. “Guess we could all use a friend like that.”

Bucky furrowed his brow slightly. “Why does this feel like an integration?”

“Stop irritating him.” Mortia said, appearing by them. “He’s clearly not okay…”

“I’m fine,” Bucky maintained. Staring at Mortia as if he was crazy. He wasn’t… though. He was right, Bucky was far from okay, or fine, or any of that. He’d been tortured, his body was stronger, like Steve’s he supposed.

“You were taken to the isolation ward…” Mortia shrugged. “I’m not going to ask what they did to you but… you’re not okay.”

“I’ll be fine. There’s no time to not be okay.”

Monty pursed his lips, pushing away from the tree and sitting by the rest of them. “How about a song then, lads? Brighten up this sorry state for a conversation.”

The song last about ten seconds before the lot of them descended into laughter. Probably from the high of being free than anything else. It was hitting them all like a wave. All they could do was relish in the feeling, to feel at peace with being a POW. Harder for Bucky to do… after everything. But he was sure he’d get there. He had people on his side. Friends. His soulmate.

After a while, Dum Dum pushed Bucky and gestured to Steve. “You keep glancing to him, go talk.”

Bucky glanced to the people around him, they all seemed eager for him to go. For whatever reason. He supposed knowing someone in the war changed etiquette or whatever. He hoped they didn’t think it was for any other reason…

He made his way over to Steve, who was talking to one of the more badly wounded of the lot. He spotted Bucky and almost instantly excused himself. Bucky almost did a double take, again. This was Steve, his Steve, just taller and muscular and… He was the same person, no matter what had been done to him.

God, he’d willingly been experimented on just to have a chance at joining the war. He could have died… Meanwhile, Bucky had been experimented on against his will. Maybe the two things weren’t dissimilar. After all, Bucky knew he was stronger, like Steve was… For fucks sake, he’d bent that metal railing like it was nothing.

“Steve…” Bucky said, his voice betraying him. He sounded too sad, too broken.

Steve guided Bucky to a more secluded spot. His eyes looked over Bucky, so full of concern. “What’s wrong?”

“What did you do to yourself?”

“I…” Steve looked away. “Don’t be mad, Buck.”

Bucky sighed. “I’m not mad. I’m not.” He gripped Steve’s arm, trying to catch his eyesight. “It really hurt you, didn’t it?”

“Yeah… It hurt like hell.”

“I got an awful stinging feeling one day, I suppose that was the… procedure.” Bucky shook his head slowly. “It almost felt like pain.”

Steve sucked in a breath, still not looking at Bucky. A small bit of shame trickled along the bond. “I suppose it was significant enough to feel like that…”

“Like your entire body was being ripped apart and put back together.”

His eyes snapped to Bucky’s, his brow furrowing. “That’s exactly what it was like…” Bucky watched as Steve’s face fell. “I had an awful feeling that was similar to pain on and off for days… What did they do to you?”

“Now is not the time to ask.”

Steve got this look in his eye before he pulled Bucky into a hug. Bucky held on for dear life, while it may have not been the place, it was the perfect time for it. He’d missed Steve. More so on the days of his torture. Zola had tried to take everything from him, only for his soulmate to come save him. But he was broken now, the pieces of him were stuck together loosely. He threatened to break. So when comfort bloomed within him, he knew Steve was right there, supporting him.

Even if he couldn’t tell Steve what Zola did… He worried what would happen if he did.

\--

When Bucky first saw Peggy interact with Steve, when they got back to base with so many men they didn’t fit, he felt a small bit of jealousy. He couldn’t explain to himself why he’d felt it, Steve was Bucky’s soulmate, their veins were red. There couldn’t be another. Well… there could be… but Steve wasn’t like that. It was irrational to think like that. But Peggy looked at Steve with… something Bucky could only describe as want. Only, she had very clear blue veins.

Bucky could have been exaggerating it. It could have been admiration. He just felt like Steve didn’t need him anymore. That them being soulmates was a mistake. It should have been someone worthy of him, that could give him a normal life. Like Peggy, perhaps. They had a strong bond, they fell in love, but at what cost? To live a life in hiding, forever?

Now, he knew Peggy wasn’t going to steal Steve away. She was a strong women, who often kept their ridiculous team in check when they were being overly dramatic. She believed in them all, that was it. She had believed in Steve, before he got the serum. He was glad for that.

They were back in London, setting out a plan for the next HYDRA base to take down. Dernier was adamant that explosives would be involved. And Steve was being his usual dramatic self, saying they were going straight through the front door like they belonged there. The others were being equally as insane.

Bucky needed a break. To which he found an alcove to stand in, where no one else was. Of course, it only took a few seconds for Peggy to appear out of nowhere, staring at Bucky before sighing. She often did that. Finding him when he’d just escaped for a second to clear his head.

“You never write to your soulmate,” she pointed out, leaning on the wall opposite Bucky, in the small alcove.

“It’s hard to. When we’re always going onto the next mission.” He shrugged, trying his best to make it seem like no big deal. “She’s… She’d only worry if I wrote to her.”

Peggy folded her arms, smirking. “Huh, that’s funny… Because word has it, you used to write to your soulmate all the time… Before Steve came along.”

“And where did this word come from? Come on, Pegs, it’s war. I can’t worry her. Last thing I can do is mention I was prisoner.”

“Doesn’t she already know?”

Bucky furrowed his brow… What was Peggy fishing for? He had no idea where she was going with this. But it leaned towards suspicion, and that wasn’t good for anyone. “No… I couldn’t worry her like that. It’s wrong.”

“You know… Steve never writes to his soulmate either.”

“Peggy, what are you saying?”

“Remember when you hated me?” she asked. She had this smug expression on, like she’d caught Bucky in the act of something. He had a feeling at what she was getting at. “I started thinking about why…”

Bucky rolled his eyes, trying, _trying_ to lead her away from this. “Here we go.”

“The only answer that made any sense was… you were jealous.”

“Now why would you think that?” He folded his arms just as she smirked. She knew…

“And the only reason you’d be jealous is if you thought I was going to steal Steve from you.” Peggy got this look in her eye. “The only reason why you’d stop writing letters to your soulmate is if…” She poked her head around the alcove. Still, no one was there, “he was already here.”

Bucky let out a breath, relaxing his arms. “You wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“No, absolutely not.” She reached out, patting Bucky’s arm. “You felt like Steve didn’t need you anymore, right? That’s why you were jealous.”

“Kinda.”

“Were you worried about your bond?”

“I saw him with you and wondered why did fate bond him with me, when it could have been you?” He bit at his lower lip, casting his eyes on the ground. “You are everything he needs. I’m a mess…”

“Bucky, look at me.” He raised his head, trying his best to look at her. “I’m going to tell you something about the serum, okay?”

“Okay…”

“It was supposed to fix everything, in a way. Cells are in a perfect state, forever. Metabolism burns faster, keeping the muscles in peak condition. It cures all ills.” Her eyes hardened. “If your bond was wrong, or anything like that… the serum would have fixed it. But look at you and your red veins. You and Steve are a strong couple, there was never anything to worry about.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “I’m sensing this whole thing is leading somewhere.”

“He knows you’re keeping what happened to you from him.”

“I told him Zola injected me with shit that hurt.” Bucky shrugged. “So what if I don’t tell him the rest of it?”

“It’s putting a strain on you… On him.” She poked his chest, right where his heart was. “You’re keeping it inside, but soulmates are there to support. You can lean on me all day, offload on me… but you would feel better telling him.”

The good thing about Peggy was that, she listened to Bucky when he did need to talk things out. Putting that kind of knowledge and pressure on Steve’s shoulders would be too much. Peggy, on the other hand, had gotten information out of Bucky with ease. He’d come to trust her. A lot.

“I can’t… Peggy, I can’t. He’d take me off the team in a heartbeat.”

“He wouldn’t.”

“He would.” Bucky sighed. “ _You_ don’t know everything.”

“Tell me…”

He ran his hands down his face, breathing deep. “My senses aren’t the only thing that’s better… I’m stronger… I heal fast…”

Peggy’s face fell. “Oh… He recreated the serum?”

He nodded, slowly. “That’s why he was trying to brainwash me.” He shallowed past a lump in his throat. “I was going to be his way to take down Schmidt, so he could gain control.”

Peggy tugged Bucky into a brief hug. She rubbed his back before pulling away. “Steve never should have dragged you back into all this. You should have gone home.”

Bucky scoffed, feeling a need to laugh. “I couldn’t say no to him… not when war is so unpredictable.” He glanced away, exhaling deeply. “I would have been dragged back in either way. Despite my torture, my skills are more of use actually in the war.”

Peggy pursed her lips but didn’t say anything.

“I can’t tell him.”

“At least tell him about the serum. But no one else, not the team, not Phillips. You don’t want to become a second Captain America.”

He laughed, slightly. “No… I’m much better from a distance.”

She smiled. “Come on. We better get back.”

When the two got back to where everyone still was, the plan had been sorted. It wasn’t like Bucky really needed to be there in the first place. He only needed someone to tell him whether he was going to take up the role of sniper or be with the rest of the team as they burst into the base. Or whatever the actual plan was this time. Stealth was hardly ever involved.

Steve glanced to Bucky and a small bout of reassurance came down the bond. It made him feel warmer. He approached Bucky with a slight frown set on his face. He didn’t say anything at first. Bucky saw the concern settling in Steve’s eyes. He always worried about him these days, knew that Bucky wasn’t okay, but what could they do about it? Precisely nothing.

“I’m glad you can talk to Peggy,” Steve said, smiling a little, almost like the sentence hurt him.

“Sometimes… there’s things you can’t know.” Bucky pressed his lips into a thin line. “For your own good.”

“Tell me one day?”

“I will.”

\--

 He didn’t really know where it came from. One minute they were scouting, being quiet, stealthy, deadly, especially when Steve’s shield got involved. They were checking out an area near a base that was either HYDRA or Nazi, they weren’t sure yet. A lot of small HYDRA bases had been popping up lately, it could have been one of those. They’d seen no evidence of it being anything other than Nazi, as of yet, but there had been reports of the HYDRA weapons being used near there.

They’d gathered about all the information they needed when they spotted one of the smaller tanks. With that, they circled back around and made their way to back. It should have been simple. It was simple.

Till Bucky crashed to ground as a gunshot cracked through the air. From what Bucky saw from the ground, Steve turned and threw his shield off into the distance. There was a small scream as the shield bellowed into the unsuspecting soldier, only for it to bounce off him and make its way back to Steve. Meanwhile, the others had crowded around Bucky, aiming their guns, trying to get a look into who else could be there. And Bucky was just… clutching his stomach, where the bullet had hit. Blood was coming out of him, all he had were his hands to stop it.

“I’ll get him to cover,” Steve said, his voice sounding steady, despite the fear flooding along the bond. “Check we’re safe.”

All of a sudden, Steve grabbed Bucky’s coat and dragged him behind a tree. He carefully rested him against it. This could only end one of two ways… Either in Bucky’s death or… his body heals fast enough to save him. The worst part of their team… not carrying medical supplies to deal with this. Bucky kept his hands on the wound, trying to stop the bleeding the best he could with what little they had. Swiftly, however, his hands were replaced by Steve’s.

Bucky reached up and touched Steve’s cheek with his hand, albeit, his bloody hand. “Steve… Is there an exit wound?”

Steve looked at Bucky with wide eyes. “I shouldn’t move you anymore.”

“Stop panicking, just look.”

Steve carefully pushed Bucky’s shoulder, turning him slightly to look at his back. All the while, Bucky unclipped one of his pouches and pulled out some bandages. Amongst them all, they had enough spare that Bucky could use his own to help stop the bleeding further. Not that it would improve the situation, things were looking bad.

Steve settled Bucky back and helped him apply pressure again. “There’s an exit wound.”

Bucky nodded to himself. “Good, that’s good… Uh, Steve…?”

“Yeah, yeah?”

“I…” He looked to his soulmate, who still had beautiful red veins. That could all change in a matter of moments. He may have been able to heal faster these days… but that didn’t guarantee anything. “I love you…”

“No, no… We are not doing this.” Steve’s eyes turned steely. He got out his own bandages, kept the ones already pressed against Bucky in place, and wrapped them around the wounds.

“Doll, we kinda have to.” He brushed his hand across Steve’s cheek again. He felt a little weaker than normal. “Please…”

Steve closed his eyes as he completed the bandaging. He bowed his head, letting out a breath. “I love you too.”

Bucky smiled, letting his hand fall from Steve’s cheek. “You’ll need to carry me out of here… If I’m getting out of here.”

“I wouldn’t leave you.”

“Damn right we’re not leaving you, Sarge,” Gabe said, crouching down by him. “How’s it looking?” he asked Steve.

“We need to get out of here,” Dum Dum stressed, his voice was a little higher than usual. God, they were all worried about him.

Steve nodded. “Bleeding’s a bit outta control, but there’s an exit wound.”

“I am here, you know?” Bucky said. He had to admit, the blood loss was a bit much but… he didn’t feel too bad.

Monty and Jacques glanced to each other, both looking pale. Jim placed his hands at his hips, while Dum Dum nodded to Gabe. Steve seemed to understand this weird set of messages more than Bucky’s brain did at the current moment.

“I’ll carry him,” Steve said, like he was agreeing to what somebody had suggested. Yet nobody had spoken.

“We’ll cover you the best we can,” Dum Dum said.

Steve scooped him up into his arms, causing Bucky to wince, but he didn’t mind. He was in his soulmates arms and wasn’t going to die on the ground, at least. He could very possibly die in Steve’s arms. That was worse for a soulmate, watching as their bond to another person withered away before them. Feeling that pain right there with them. And once they saw the corpse… It was bad.

Bucky wasn’t entirely sure how much Steve was feeling across the bond. He was in a large amount of pain, but strangely, it wasn’t the worst he’d felt. He’d been through worse in the last six or so months. Was it discomfort? A stinging feeling? Bucky couldn’t help but wonder.

He was getting steadily weaker, sleepier, his eyes felt heavy. But he tried his best to keep his eyes on everyone. Gabe and Jacques were talking in French, and Bucky managed to pick the odd word out here and there. They seemed to be talking about soulmates, maybe thinking of what would happen to Bucky’s. He glanced to Steve. If only they knew…

Monty was a little further ahead, with Dum Dum, they were silent but kept glancing back at Steve and Bucky. Their expressions spoke of worry and concern. The only thing they could do was get Bucky back to camp. And from there, back to base.

Jim, on the other hand, was walking next to see Steve, keeping a cautious eye on Bucky. Jim was easily the best medic out of them all, but even so, there wasn’t much to be done. They just had to make sure Bucky could survive this part of the journey.

Hell, if he was lucky, he’d heal. After all, he wasn’t too sure if his healing power went beyond fixing skin. Or if he’d just die from blood loss or an infection. He had no idea.

He closed his eyes and settled against Steve.

Next thing he knew, he was lying on a cot, in a tent. Clearly not a medical tent, it was too small. So, they were back at camp, and the others were most likely waiting for transport back to base. Maybe they thought Bucky was too far gone and had separated Steve from him, to lessen the sheer pain he’d go through, to stop him from seeing his dead body. Although… he didn’t feel as weak as before. In fact, he felt next to no pain. The bandages wrapped around him told a different story, they were stained red. Dark and terrifying, in a way the colour red should never be.

He propped himself up on his elbows and shifted the bandage up. He let out a shaky breath and fell back, feeling tears of relief pooling at his eyes. There was no wound. He’d healed, without so much as a mark. He hadn’t a clue how long he’d been out, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t going to die today.

His coat, on the other hand, would have to be mended. No way was he giving that beauty up.

Of course, any moment to himself was lost as Steve stepped in the tent, his eyes wide. He looked over Bucky and let out a slow exhale. He looked ragged, probably looked worse than Bucky did. His hair was a mess for a start.

“Your discomfort stopped,” Steve said, crouching by Bucky’s side. “You okay?”

Shit…

“Yeah… I feel better?”

“You were shot in the stomach by a rifle…” His stare was stern, as if he was telling Bucky to stop lying. He almost wished he was. “You haven’t had any meds either.”

“I’m fine, really.”

Steve moved to lift the bandages, but Bucky grabbed his hands in a tighter grip than he’d meant. Steve stilled, looking to Bucky with a furrowed brow. Bucky quickly released him, realising there was no way out of this other than telling the truth. He’d already used more of his strength than what used to be possible for him.

“Don’t.”

“Why not?”

Bucky closed his eyes and lay his head back. “There’s no wound.”

“What…?”

“I’ve healed.”

Bucky cracked one eye open to see Steve’s face meld into total confusion. Here was the secret he’d been keeping, and there was no way to keep it now. If Steve hadn’t felt his discomfort stop, he could have pretended. But the one curse of a soulmate was being unable to keep much from them. They always knew how you were feeling.

“But– How?”

Bucky undid his bandages, placing them to one side and sat up. Steve moved beside him, getting a look at the lack of wound. There was merely blood where a hole used to be. He glanced behind too, checking the exit wound.

“It’s only been a few hours…”

“Really… huh.” Bucky stared at the ground, clenching his jaw slightly. “When I was experimented on…” He paused… this was impossible.

Steve instantly placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, smoothing it over his back. Reassurance flowed along the bond… Steve was there to support him, he didn’t need his words to know that. He took a deep breath.

“Zola injected his version of the super soldier serum into me.”

Steve’s breath hitched. “He… what?”

“Yeah… I wasn’t the only prisoner he’d experimented on, but, no one returned from his lab. It had killed everyone else, except me. I got lucky. But then…”

Steve kept rubbing Bucky’s back, the warmth from that alone brought up the courage for him to continue, despite the tears that dared to run.

“He spoke of his plans. He was going to take my arms, Steve. He wanted me to be stronger than you, than Schmidt.” Bucky scrubbed his face, rubbing his eyes as he did so. “He tortured me with acid just to see how much my body could withstand. You rescued me before he could try anything else...”

“Bucky… Why did you keep this from me?”

“It was easier to forget… Till Peggy got it outta me.”

Steve huffed a breath. “If you need to, you could stay at the SSR base.”

“I’d rather be here… with you.” He bit at his lip, looking to Steve. “I don’t want to be away from you, never again.”

Steve rested his forehead on Bucky’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Monty poked his head into the tent. “Uh… We’ve cooked up a meal.”

Steve jerked away from Bucky, to which Monty only sighed and ducked back out of the tent. They glanced towards each other, a feeling of uncertainty welled in Bucky’s stomach. What was the chance the others had heard them? Or had Steve and Bucky been too careless recently? What did this mean? Monty seemed hesitant, but he was merely telling them they had food.

Steve shrugged and stood up, offering his hand. Bucky took it and was grateful for Steve helping him up, despite being fine and not needing it at all. But it was the thought that mattered.

They headed outside to find Monty standing there, two trays in his hands. The meal of the day was a very small portion of canned meat. After all, this wasn’t supposed to be a long mission, and something was better than nothing. They sat down by the fire that was warming them nicely. And that was when everyone stopped and looked to Bucky as if he’d risen from the dead. Or more… they looked towards his wound, the lack of bandages, and the smooth skin underneath his holed shirt.

Bucky should have expected the elephant in the room to be addressed immediately.

“You look good for a man who was shot… Not a bandage in sight,” Jacques said, spooning up some canned meat.

Bucky looked to Steve, who in turn looked at him. Reassurance came rushing down the bond again. Whatever Bucky chose to do here, he knew Steve had his back. So, with one deep breath, he set his eyes on his friends and prepared to talk about it.

“You all know Zola used me for his experiments.”

They nodded.

“He was recreating the super soldier serum.” He smiled, meekly. “Lucky me survived the procedure.”

“Holy… shit,” Dum Dum muttered.

“So, you can heal fast, like Steve?” Gabe asked.

Bucky gestured to his stomach. “Evidently.”

Gabe nodded, seemingly satisfied as he went back to his meal.

Jacques exclaimed in French, Bucky recognised one of the words as being shit. “Are you as strong as Steve?”

Bucky shrugged. “No idea.” He hadn’t really thought of it before. He knew they could manhandle each other into to bed like they both weighted nothing but that wasn’t a measure of anything. “I don’t use my strength… I wanted to keep this from you all.”

“Must be scary,” Jim said, his eyes completely sympathetic. “It’s understandable wanting to keep it to yourself.”

“Is this really a shock, to any of us?” Monty wondered, glancing around. “It’s not like we didn’t think Bucky was enhanced in some way.” He looked to Bucky. “Sorry, we, uh, talked a lot about your sharp ears and good reactions far too often.”

“Yeah…” Dum Dum murmured. “We’ve been comparing you to Steve for months. And, Gabe and I thought your shots were sharper than before.”

Bucky wrung his hands. “So, this is no surprise?”

The lot of them shook their heads.

“Even I knew something was wrong,” Steve whispered. “You’re much stronger than you ever were but… I don’t know, I didn’t think much of it.”

“I don’t think we wanted to think more of it,” Gabe whispered. “Doing that admitted you’d been through more than the rest of us…”

Bucky cast his eyes downwards. “Well… it wasn’t fun.”

Steve leant forward, moving his tray of canned meat to the side. “I’m sure we can all keep this to ourselves?”

They all made agreeing noises or murmured a ‘yes’. This was their team, their friends, family, they would keep it close to their chests. The 107th Tactical Team always looked after their own. Really… what they needed was a better name. Others nicknamed them as the Invaders but that felt overly wrong somehow. Maybe someone would come up with something one day.

“Wait… what do we tell the transport when they get here?” Jim asked. Yeah… they had desperately wanted to get Bucky back to base.

Monty smirked, looking to Bucky. “We could shoot him again.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “We tell them it was a false alarm but that we could use their help. Lest they have a wasted journey.”

“Oh, good idea.”

They plundered into a silence as they ate. But that didn’t last long. As they all finished up, Dum Dum suddenly got this expression on, like he was preparing to say something.

“You know, Steve felt something was off before we knew you were awake,” he said.

Bucky furrowed his brow and Steve stiffened beside him.

“Relax, we know you’re…” He trailed off. “Jim?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “We know you’re soulmates.”

Bucky gritted his teeth, bracing. Why was this day the day when everything came spilling out? “And?”

“And… we support you,” Monty said, nodding to the others.

“We’re okay with you two doing soulmate things,” Gabe said.

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because wars only hurt soulmates.” Dum Dum clasped his hands together. “You should have every chance you get.”

“But don’t feel you need to keep it private. We have so little entertainment out–” Jacques began to say before Gabe elbowed him and Jim poked him in the side. The lot of them descended into giggles, that lasted and lasted.

It was good to embrace what little joy they could have in the field.

\--

After the mission had easily been dealt with, what with Jacques rigging the base to explode with a joyous grin, and their helpful transport group having their backs as they all went in with reckless abandon, they headed back to plan out the next attack.

Phillips allowed them a little time after a long meeting, deciding if now was the best time to go after another large HYDRA base. It probably was the best time with summer coming along. The nights would be longer but that only made attacks easier to coordinate as things could be done in the dead of night, rather than the early hours of it.

Besides, by the time they were all done, Bucky eagerly visited Howard, who’d been working on his coat. The thing was precious to Bucky, as was everyone’s uniforms in the team. It was all custom made by Howard and his team and all meant something to each of them. For Bucky… it meant looking good while having a warm practical coat. Sure, he stood out in the day, but at night… It made his job as a marksman that little bit easier.

As he entered Howard’s own little area in the base, he set his eyes on his coat immediately. He could pick it out anywhere, he’d always recognise it. And the style would be written into him until the end of time itself.

Howard perked up as he saw Bucky. “Have a look,” he said proudly, stepping aside.

Bucky brushed his hands over the blue wonder that often kept him safe. “ _Ahhh_ , my coat.”

Howard folded his arms. “Yes, your weirdest damn coat to exist is as good as new.”

Bucky held it up, smiling. He knew exactly why Howard didn’t like it but that didn’t bother Bucky in the slightest. It was his design, his one piece of his uniform that really mattered. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Ohh, I don’t know… The beltloops?”

“It’ll be the new thing once this war is over.”

“I really hope you’re wrong.”

Bucky chuckled, setting the coat down. “It’s less comfortable to have the belt anywhere else but the coat.”

“Okay… Whatever you say, Barnes.”

He shrugged, spreading his arms out. “You’re not a marksman, you wouldn’t know.”

Howard merely rolled his eyes, so Bucky left him be. He chuckled as he walked away, Bucky was planning great things for his coat design. Howard would just have to wait and see. Well… if any of them got out of this war that was. Being out of the field never lasted too long, it was why he always made the most of it. Always joked on and had fun, there wasn’t many chances to do that out in the field.

Sadly.

As he was heading to wherever he needed to be next (he didn’t really know, it was a bit hectic), Peggy was marching up to him. His first reaction was to fold his arms, but swiftly he realised that Peggy didn’t look mad at him, just sympathetic. He let out a breath and relaxed his arms, ready to hear what Peggy had to say this time around.

“You told him?” she asked once she got near. Instantly, she was cornering Bucky, preventing his escape. But this didn’t seem bad… Peggy had a wide smile on.

“How…?”

“You talk to me… Steve talks to me…” She grinned. “Information, Bucky, it’s important.”

Bucky chuckled softly and folded his arms. “Less told, more… didn’t die from a fatal gunshot wound.” He shrugged. “If he didn’t feel my discomfort stop, I never would have told him… or the team.”

She sighed. “Every cloud. Is everything good with Steve?”

“He’s as stubborn as ever, but, yes.”

“And the team?”

“They’re supportive.”

She pursed her lips, her eyes raked over Bucky’s face. She was probably reading him like a book. “Our next set of missions may prove dangerous.”

“When are they not?” Bucky smiled, despite the gnawing monster inside wishing this whole war had finished long ago. “What is it this time? HYDRA? Nazis?”

“Nazis. We’re putting you in with the other troops again.”

“Looking forward to it.”

Peggy laughed. “Don’t sound too eager.”

He laughed along with her. “These war rooms confine me, Pegs.”

“Mmm. I’m pretty sure it’s getting a little late.” She turned around, her hair flying along with the movement. “Means someone’s waiting for you, doesn’t it?”

And then she was off… God, she knew too much. But she was perceptive, as a good agent should be. How easily she got information out of Bucky was worrying but… then again, it was Peggy. You’d be met with fire and fury if you didn’t meet her demands or expectations. She believed in the good of people, as did so many wrapped up in the war. That meant she got a little miffed if the good drained out of someone.

Bucky smiled as he thought over the exchange. He made his way to the one place that mattered in London, that had kept him feeling human after so many months. Steve’s room. It was slightly bigger than Bucky’s and the bed was an inch larger than his too. When they’d first stayed in London, Bucky had snuck in every night, getting some well needed rest with his soulmate, as well as some well needed sexual release.

So, as usual, he snuck in, took off his jacket and looked over to Steve, who was reading. Bucky squinted, trying to see what the book was but Steve had closed it and cast if off to the side almost immediately.

“Hey,” Bucky said, smiling.

“Hey. How’s your coat?”

Bucky huffed a laugh as he undid his shirt buttons. “It’s fine, Stark already has it fixed up.”

Steve grinned. “That’s good to hear.”

“Mhm.”

He cast his shirt aside and strode up to the bed. He knelt on it, taking off his undershirt effortlessly. Steve was staring at him, his eyes darkening. Beautiful to watch as the blue was consumed.

“Now?” Steve asked, his eyes drifting down Bucky’s chest.

He walked up the bed on his knees, hovering over Steve. “I almost died.”

“Yeah, and not a mark in sight.”

“Mmm, it’s handy having healing powers.”

Steve slid his hand behind Bucky’s neck, dragging him close. “Yeah it is,” he said as if all his wishes came true, just before kissing Bucky with enough heat and urgency the whole of Bucky’s body sparked alive like never before.

It wasn’t always like this, like this was the last night they’d ever spend together. It was normally calmer, slower and entirely loving. But the high of Bucky not dying was still circling around their bodies. There was a need to reconnect, to have the emotions flowing between them calm and settle, to let the bond feel safe once more. They were soulmates, it was important to spend time close to one another after almost losing each other.

The way they moved was in the rhythm two soulmates would have after so long. The way they kissed was in a perfect unity, knowing exactly what the other needed from their emotions, from that natural harmony they had. Just like dancing, the other knew the next move without thinking. Knew what to do and when, it was all a little magic.

Bucky pulled away, after their emotions had settled into a flow of love between them. He looked down at Steve, who was so beautiful and so perfect in every way. And everything Bucky had ever known. He loved him so much, would probably love him even if they weren’t soulmates. Steve smiled up at him, clearly feeling some of the pure joy Bucky was experiencing. It was a beautiful smile.

“I love you,” he said, ducking down and kissing Steve’s nose.

Steve giggled a small bit. “That tickled.” He gazed at Bucky with all the love in the world. “I love you too.

Bucky dove down and claimed Steve’s lips once more, drowning in the love emitting from them both.


	3. Cold Seeps

“You don’t have to do this,” Steve said, hands on Bucky’s shoulders.

“I want to… I’m not letting your stupid ass go anywhere I’m not going.”

“It’s Zola…”

“I know.” Bucky sighed, but found a reason to smile anyway. “I’d love to see his face when we catch him.”

Steve took Bucky’s face in his hands and kissed the living daylights out of him. Yeah… this was a dangerous mission; a kiss was needed. One of them could so easily die. And if one died, at least they could hold onto that kiss forever, no matter how much it hurt.

When they parted, Steve’s eyes were set on Bucky’s, his thumb traced over his cheekbone. Bucky smiled a little, ever so slightly leaning into the touch. Comfort came barrelling down the bond, before it was replaced by the usual feeling of Steve’s calm but fearful state when on missions.

They nodded to each other and stepped towards the rest of the team.

“About time,” Dum Dum said.

Steve’s expression hardened, as it usually did. “Let’s go.”

The trek up to where they needed to be wasn’t ideal but the information they had wasn’t exactly vague. The HYDRA radio they’d obtained had come in handy. And they needed to be in a specific spot to stand any chance of boarding the train. As Gabe and Jim listened in and the rest of them prepared – getting last minute checks of the zipwire – Steve and Bucky looked out over the edge.

Bucky wanted to joke so badly, to forget how easy it would be to die here. So, he thought of the time he’d thrown Steve in at the deep end more than usual. “Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?”

“Yeah, I and I threw up?”

“This isn’t payback, is it?” He knew it wasn’t, this was the only way on the train. But joking about it made the fear lift a little.

Steve looked up at the zipline. “Now why would I do that?”

“We were right. Dr Zola’s on the train. Hydra dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he’s going, they must need him bad,” Gabe said.

Getting on board the train was a bit of a blur. Between being cast down a zipline and jumping off to land on something moving faster than any old rollercoaster. But once inside, all was a bit eerie. No one was there, like they expected. There was just a bunch of boxes, highly secure looking ones but boxes all the same. It was more than likely HYDRA was transporting materials, but why was Zola on the train? Unless it was the only mode of transport to get him there. That could be the case, probably.

Bucky stepped through the door, expecting Steve to follow on through, but the door snapped shut. He turned staring at Steve, who looked just as panicked as Bucky was feeling. Before he could feel the bond spike up in fear, he turned to find two soldiers. He aimed his rifle and shot, aiming the best he could despite his brief panic.

He could hear Steve fighting something else entirely behind him, but the last thing he could do was concentrate on that. He had to survive. He backed up into cover and continued to shoot at the soldiers. One went down, luckily, but he was all out of bullets when that happen. He got out his pistol and _prayed_. He had enough bullets for this, he just needed to get to the other side, where the soldier was.

He stood and shot repeatedly towards the soldier as he dived to the other side. He only had a few bullets left, he’d counted. Taking a deep breath, he rose from his cover and shot at the soldier. He’d missed, and his gun was out of bullets.

He breathed heavily, knowing this was it. But, somehow, the universe was on his side, as Steve appeared at the doorway, showing Bucky a pistol. Okay… He knew what to do.

Steve opened the door, threw the pistol. Bucky stood as Steve rammed into some boxes. The soldier stepped out of cover and Bucky shot him down.

Now probably wasn’t the time for jokes but Bucky called back to a phrase they so often used. “I had him on the ropes.”

“I know you did,” Steve said, just before he stepped in front of him, shield raised, screaming, “get down!”

Before Bucky knew it, a soldier had shot and knocked Steve down the train. The side had been blown off, it was hanging on by a thread. Bucky did the only thing he could. He picked up the shield and shot at the soldier.

Then the blue light hit him, hit the shield. He went flying off. He reached out, hoping to hold on for dear life. Which he just about managed. His left arm screamed in pain, but he was holding on. Barely holding on. The rail was loose. There was little chance it could hold his weight for much longer. The train was going so fast… The sound of the wind was terrifying. All he could feel was the fear crawling at his throat and panic pooling in his stomach.

“Bucky!” Steve shouted, pulling of his cowl. A least… he’d see Steve’s face before he died.

And then Steve was doing all he could, safely clambering onto the side of the train. Moving along, telling Bucky to hold on. To grab his hand. Bucky tried, he tried to reach up but the rail couldn’t take it. Couldn’t take his weight. Steve reached further, the rail failed under the pressure.

Bucky vaguely heard a screaming ‘NO’ as his own screams filled his ears. His body was diving down into the ravine. As the ground came close, he closed his eyes, trying to find serenity in his last moments, as fear was all he could feel in himself, in the bond.

He could feel something. He wasn’t sure what. Everything around him was white… He was dying? He’d always thought death would be dark and freezing, miserable. Well… he supposed it was cold. So very cold. His coat did little to warm him. He could barely open his eyes, he was so cold and tired and in _pain_.

Oh.

He was in pain. It was radiating up his left arm. Up his back. His legs… There was so much _pain_. So much of it, he didn’t know what to do. The cold was curling around him, cooling his face. It was like he’d put himself in an icebox and sat in it for days on end. He could barely feel his fingers, or anything else.

Somehow, he cracked open an eyelid and was met by snow. He rolled himself over, through the sheer power of will.

His left arm felt lighter.

It was in a _lot_ of pain. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like what he saw.

With all his might, he rolled his head to the left, seeing half an arm. If he had any more energy, he would have screamed. Would have wailed and cried and screamed and worried and all of that. But he was too tired, he couldn’t open his mouth. So… he did all he could. He embraced death.

“Bucky.”

“Oh god.”

“I’m gonna get you out of here.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll look after you.”

“I… I can’t get us out here. No, I can”

“Wake up.”

“Please wake up.”

“Don’t die.”

“You can’t die.”

“I can’t let you die.”

“My veins are still red. He’s still breathing. Get yourself together, Rogers.”

“I did this to you, I let you fall. I’m sorry.”

“I should have done more.”

“Don’t die.”

“I’ll be here.”

Bucky swore he heard fire. A crackling warmth, right by his head. The cold had lessened but his fingers and toes still felt frozen, he longed for their comfort. His body was warm, though. Warmer than before, when he last remembered consciousness. He tried to crack an eyelid open, tried to get a sense over what was happening.

“Nngh,” he murmured, getting some form of sound out. His head felt heavy, his entire body ached. Everything hurt… He couldn’t open his eyes.

He didn’t have half his left arm.

“Bucky…?” a voice– No, that was Steve. That was definitely Steve.

“St…” He was far too weak to get the words out.

“Rest… Okay? Just rest.” Steve let out a breath of… relief? “I’m going to get us back.”

Bucky tried his best to stay awake, yet darkness consumed him anyway.

Next time he woke, he was sure he was being carried. The consistent slight bounce with each step. His right arm was wrapped around his stomach while his left was tucked into Steve, his whole body was curled into him. As if Steve was trying his best to keep him warm. He managed to open his eyes, not completely, but enough to see Steve’s face set in a frown, a grimace. His shield rested on his back, his cowl was nowhere to be seen. There was a feeling coursing down the bond, of determination, of anger.

“Why are… you angry?” Bucky squeaked out, staring up at his soulmate, who looked ready to kill everyone in sight.

Steve glanced down, his eyes wide. His expression collapsed into a scowl, before he looked forward once again. “The train was a trap.”

“Oh…”

“It makes sense to me now. Zola wanted you…” Steve huffed a breath, almost like he was laughing… darkly. “I found Russian soldiers. They weren’t allied, though. They’d been recruited by HYDRA.” He did laugh now, a sinister sound. “I got one talking, before he died. Said they were sent by Zola to search for you. Like I wouldn’t be there to stop them.”

“Steve…” Bucky buried his head in Steve’s chest. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You sound… not yourself.”

“They were going to take you, Buck.” Steve looked at him again, his eyes were full of concern. The bond welled with worry.

“How long was I out?” Bucky could tell they weren’t near the ravine, they were in amongst woodland. Steve had been covering ground quickly, it seemed. Although, Bucky wanted to walk on his own two feet, but his legs didn’t feel right. His body still ached, the pain was lesser now but present nevertheless. His voice was croaky and quiet. His eyes were heavy.

“Been a couple days. You’ve been in and out of consciousness.” Steve thinned his lips. “We’ll get back.”

“How…?”

“I know the way.”

Bucky relaxed then and concentrated on the way Steve was walking. There was a slower step every so often, every other step maybe? He tried to think through what it could be when it hit him. Steve was limping.

“You’re hurt,” Bucky murmured, still trying to find his vocal cords.

“It’s nothing.”

“What _happened_?”

“My veins didn’t turn black. I knew you were alive…” Steve smiled at Bucky a small bit. “I had to jump off the train. We weren’t over the ravine then, I landed on solid ground. Had to jump down the ravine though, curled up on the shield to break my fall.” He stared out into the distance. “Think I broke my leg on impact and my arms were a little weaker for a while but nothing the serum won’t fix.”

Bucky tried butting his head into Steve’s chest, but his movement was too weak to do any harm. “Idiot. You could have died. Or lost a limb.”

“But I didn’t.”

“Does the team know you’re here?”

“I didn’t have time for that.” Steve’s voice sounded insistent, like he was saying that to himself. “My veins didn’t turn black, I had to find you.”

With a sigh, Bucky knew he had to move on from this subject. Steve would never see jumping off a ravine without telling anyone as a stupid thing to do. Arguing would be pointless. “How broken is my body, Steve?”

“Well… you know about your arm?”

Bucky closed his eyes briefly. “Vaguely.”

“It’s gone from the elbow down.” Steve looked to him, giving a tight, sympathetic smile. “You had several breaks, but they’ve mostly healed now.”

Bucky looked down at his body. “Thank goodness for the serum.”

“You alright…?”

“I’m sure I will be. Haven’t had much time to let the arm sink in yet.” Bucky bit at his lip. “It’s gonna be difficult, isn’t it?”

“Don’t think about it yet. We’ve gotta get back to allies first.”

Bucky wanted to say something else, but his eyes snapped shut. He wanted to berate Steve further, wanted to complain and forget the situation they were in. But his body demanded rest, it was too broken to do anything else. The serum needed to do its work, and he couldn’t be awake for it. Whatever his body needed to do, he trusted it enough. With the constant rhythm of Steve’s walking, he fell into another sleep.

When he woke once again, he saw Steve throw his shield at something. Bucky’s groggy eyes didn’t tell him much, but it was no soldier he was aiming at. The curvature was too low, the angle all wrong for it to be a human. Was he… hunting? How long had they gone without food now? Why was Bucky’s body still so broken?

He was more awake when Steve returned, a rabbit in hand. He threw it down and sat by Bucky. It was only then he realised he was sat against a rock and no snow lay beneath him as another rock was overhead. To make matters more confusing, there was a gun in Bucky’s hand. Steve must have placed it there, he’d probably gotten it from one of the Russian HYDRA soldiers. Was it a deterrent? For Bucky’s safety? He didn’t know. But what he could feel, were Steve’s confusing emotions. There was worry, anger, sorrow, fear. Everything.

“How long now?” Bucky asked, pushing the gun away from him. He didn’t want to think why it was there.

“Only a few more hours.” Steve glanced to him, his eyes looking him over. “Your body must be almost done healing.”

Bucky desperately wanted to test that. He looked to his legs and drew one up, finding a bit of pain but not too much. He could probably walk on it. He drew the other up and realised it didn’t hurt at all. Fully healed. His head felt clearer, his eyes weren’t heavy… So, he turned to his left arm. Bandages covered the thing, all clean. After Bucky had been shot, the team began carrying more bandages. Steve must have used one set for the worst of the bleeding, then applied the new ones. That was comforting at least.

It really was gone, though. His elbow was gone, his forearm, his hand. It was fairly useless to have the stump that was left. He didn’t want to scream at it anymore, he just felt sad, felt angry that this had happened. But the shock had passed.

“Shame the serum can’t regrow limbs.”

Steve caught Bucky’s eyesight. He looked wrecked, really. Tired. “You okay?”

“If Zola could have taken my arms and made stronger metal ones, I’m willing to bet Stark could cook something up.” Bucky gave a tight smile. “I’ll be fine. We just have to get back.”

Steve took Bucky’s hand and held it tight. As if Bucky could so easily disappear. “You need to stop almost dying.”

“As long as I have you, what could go wrong?”

“Over here!” Bucky heard, a distant shout. It was fairly quiet but enhanced senses really benefited out here. Especially when he wasn’t entirely sure how far they were from allied lines. He glanced to Steve who cocked his head.

“Was that–”

Bucky nodded, the voice was familiar. “I swear that was Gabe.”

Steve launched up on his feet, walking towards the sound. His shield rested on his arm. They couldn’t be sure if it was Gabe’s voice, they had to be careful. Hence, the shield. Bucky slowly climbed to his feet and while he was in a slight bit of pain, he was right. He could walk on his legs. He wasn’t completely useless. He picked up the gun and followed Steve, who had gained a bit of ground.

There were a few people in the distance but the sun reflecting off the snow didn’t help in trying to see them. Bucky kept the gun close, just in case. Anything could happen, HYDRA could be messing with them. He wanted to trust what he heard. If the team was here, they could get back. It meant they were here to rescue them. But they were probably here for Steve more than him, no superior would want Bucky Barnes back. Once upon a time he and four hundred other soldiers were left to be prisoners. Why would anything be different for him now?

He wasn’t a known super soldier.

“Steve! Bucky!” Dum Dum shouted, running to them, the others quickly followed behind. He had this huge grin on. “We thought you were dead.”

“The SSR couldn’t get us to search for you fast enough,” Monty said.

“Bucky…” Jim murmured, looking at him as if his arm was gone– Oh, yeah. He suddenly realised everyone was looking at him, at his arm.

Bucky himself glanced down to it. He shrugged. “What’s wrong? I’m eight pounds lighter.”

Gabe gave out a small yet sympathetic chuckle. “The jacket looks better that way.”

Jacques nodded along. “Magnifique!”

Bucky laughed a small bit. “Can we just get back?”

Dum Dum swivelled around and gestured for everyone to follow. They ended up walking in more of a line. A diagonal line maybe.

“We’ve got medics waiting in Stark’s plane. Thought we were gonna find you both in a much worse condition,” Dum Dum said, his tone dejected. At least they were both still walking, even if Bucky was missing half his arm.

Steve seemed to perk up anyhow. “Stark’s here? Phillips wanted to rescue us that badly?”

Jim looked down as did the others. “Look for you, yes.”

Bucky understood that. He suspected it. “But not for me.” He could feel Steve bristle, the bond spiked with anger. “I get it. I’m not a super solider that could be used against the allies.”

“But!” Monty clapped his hands together. “You’re both alive, we found you. Now, it’s time to go. We have a new mission.”

“What now?” Bucky asked. He wasn’t going to let Steve get a word in edgeways towards the recuse operation being for Steve, not for the both of them. If Steve did begin to say a single thing, he’d never stop. Bucky was glad to feel the anger along the bond settle.

“HYDRA is going down.”

\--

Bucky was very lucky, he knew that. On the way back to base, the medics had a look at his arm, finding it fully healed. Well, as fully healed as a stump could be. They were so amazed they wanted to test how it could be possible, even going as far to ask Howard if he’d test it. But the whole team shut the medics up in an instant. Bucky was relieved to hear even Howard was against this, despite the fact that the ‘medics’ were actually part of his team of scientists.

The fact that he’d survived the fall at all spoke volumes. Steve surviving made sense, he was the super soldier. But to these medics, they had no idea that Bucky was just the same. Had those abilities. Even to Howard, it must have seemed like a miracle. Although, he’d bet on Howard having a hunch or two. Mostly, the fly back was silent.

Bucky occasionally caught one of the guys sadly glancing at his arm. He felt like he’d come to terms with it quicker than they had.

By the time they got back to London, to the SSR base, it seemed acceptance had come too. With everyone chatting with him like they did before, he could tell they were refraining from staring. Suddenly, it was like half his left arm had always been gone.

Of course, any luck ran out as they were called to Phillips’s office. His eyes skimmed over Bucky as he walked in, a small smile settled on his lips as he glanced to Steve. Peggy was standing off to the side, arms folded. There was a man in the corner, armed with a typewriter.

They both sat in the chairs opposite Phillips.

“We’ll need a full report of what happened,” Phillips began, “however, Barnes, I suggest you take some leave first.”

Bucky worried a small bit as anger trickled down the bond, slowly festering. “What if I don’t want leave first? I can take talking about…” He raised his stump of an arm, “this.”

Phillips gave a nod. “Right.”

What occurred was easy to relay. Bucky fell from the train when a HYDRA weapon blasted the side off. When Bucky fell, so did Steve. (They’d changed that story. After all, it wasn’t like Steve could tell them he knew Bucky wasn’t dead). Steve was conscious more than Bucky and had carried him through the woodland, trying to get back. (They both neglected to mention that some Russians had attacked them, HYDRA soldiers).

“You’ve both been through a lot,” Phillips said as the report was done with. “Rogers, you will have to be caught up on the next mission but I’m sure you will be able to adapt to the plan. Barnes, you will be given an honourable discharge.”

The anger spiked up again, Bucky knew this was bad. Steve stood. “Sir, if I may, Sergeant Barnes can still be of use.”

“He is missing half his arm, Rogers.” Phillips waved dismissively. “He should not be put at any more risk.”

“He can stay here, in the base, advise on strategy. He is a brilliant tactician.”

“Rogers,” Phillips bellowed, clearly having none of Steve’s frankly, ridiculous statements. Bucky may have wanted to stay, but he was indeed missing half his left arm. “This is none of your concern. Stay in your line and go prepare.”

Steve nodded. “Yes, sir.” He left the room swiftly, but anger rippled down the bond, stronger than before.

Peggy stepped around the desk, her arms still folded. “Barnes was a student, would have been an engineer if he wasn’t already living with his soulmate. He was our best marksman, the best anyone has ever seen, Colonel. Stark could likely use his help.”

“This true?” Phillips looked to Bucky, his stare stern.

“Yes, Sir. If I hadn’t been living with my soulmate, the collage would have given me a scholarship for engineering. And being a good marksman is hard. As you know, you have to do complex calculations constantly to make a shot.”

Phillips thinned his lips. “If Stark accepts you, you can stay.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Bucky knew Phillips, the SSR, was taking a big chance with him, but he was glad. If he could stay on this side, still be involved, he’d be closer to Steve. And he could help in giving the team as much up to date equipment as he could. Science was his true forte after all.

“Carter, show him to Stark.”

“Yes, Sir.”

As they left the room, Peggy beamed at him. Bucky gave her a confused furrow of his brow. But Peggy said nothing and continued walking. It wasn’t a long walk to Howard’s domain, though, Bucky had a feeling Peggy would use it to her advantage. Perhaps to have a quick chat. Maybe a lecture. He didn’t know yet.

“You’re certainly the rational one when it comes to you and Steve.”

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. “Steve is still that small angry man, fighting for what he believes in.”

“I think you’re right about that.” Peggy glanced to him, a smile still on her lips. “You’ll fit well with Howard.”

“How so?”

“You’re more likely to point out his mistakes. He’s always messing up a calculation somewhere.”

Bucky once again gave out a small laugh. “I wouldn’t hesitate.”

They rounded a corner and came face to face with Howard’s hectic work area. He beamed when he set eyes on Bucky, diving down and picking up his blue jacket, now with a ready pinned arm. All fixed and brand new again. He came to a stop by him, getting a good look at the jacket he held so close to his heart.

“I stitched it up again! It’ll fit snugly with your arm!” Howard sounded elated, happy in fact. Like this was the greatest gift to ever exist.

“Why?” Bucky was more than confused. There was no reason for Howard to waste his time on this. “I’m not going back into the field.”

“It’s the new fashion, isn’t it?” Howard smiled. “I could make you an arm.” He turned to Peggy. “Do I need to make an arm?”

“No. You have to assess Barnes here. See if he can be an assistant to you.”

A grin slowly spread across his face. He stared at Bucky for a good second. “You passed, congratulations. You’re my new assistant.”

Bucky furrowed his brow. “What?”

“I know what rifle you used in the field. You’re a madman but a clear mathematical genius. I may have also looked at your file… once. Or twice.” He patted Bucky on the back. “You’re sticking with me.”

“Okay…”

Peggy smirked. “Good luck with that.” She moved to leave – probably to go do some worthwhile work – but Bucky couldn’t let her go just yet.

“Peggy?”

“Yeah?”

“When are you all leaving?”

She stood tall. “In six hours.”

“Right.”

A mere four hours later, Howard had taught Bucky the ropes of what he’d be doing. He was looking over Howard’s current calculations for something or other, he wouldn’t tell Bucky what it was quite yet. He held a pencil firmly in his hand, skimming over each number, checking every calculation in his head. Checking and rechecking. After a minute or two, he put the pencil down and picked up the paper.

“Howard?”

“Yeah?” he said, coming up behind Bucky.

“You wrote a three instead of a five here. It’s messed up all your calculations.”

“Oh…” Howard plucked the paper out of Bucky’s hands and picked up the pencil, rewriting over all his mistakes.

Bucky put his hand on his hip. “You could have used an eraser.”

“Much simpler to do this.” He whipped up the paper with a smile and placed it with the others. “Thanks for that, pal.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and went back to looking over the rest of Howard’s work. “You mess up a _lot_.”

“I tend to do that, especially when I’m in a rush.”

He turned to Howard, seeing him leaning against a bench, tapping a pencil off his lips. Bucky furrowed his brow at him, but he shrugged and continued to stare into space. It seemed to be his process, to just stare and think. And over the last four hours, he learnt that Howard tended to blurt out things to bounce ideas off Bucky.

“I’m going to make you an arm,” he said after a while.

Bucky, _once again_ , placed his hand on his hip. “I don’t know if I trust you. An arm is complex, and your flying car was a failure.”

Howard gaped at him. “Excuse me, it has a long way to go.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Are you two working or chatting?” Peggy asked, coming out of nowhere, her arms firmly folded across her chest.

“Both?” Howard said as if it were a question. He grinned at Peggy, who didn’t look amused.

“Work, or Phillips will flip.”

Bucky moved towards Howard and plucked the pencil out of his hand. “We’re working.”

Howard glared for a second before nodding. “Yes! We’re working on a new set of equipment.”

Peggy narrowed her eyes before rolling them. She beckoned Bucky over. He had a feeling what this conversation would entail. “We’re leaving in two hours. Steve is in his room.”

“Thanks, Pegs.”

She smiled, in a gentle way. “Don’t take too long.”

He smirked. “Might be a close call.”

She shook her head as Bucky moved around her, heading towards the one place that felt safe in London. Behind him, he could hear Howard asking where Bucky was going, he never heard a reply from Peggy. He was walking far too quickly and had no time to stop and hear how Peggy was going to excuse Bucky. It was good to know she still had their backs, after all. They were soulmates going through a rocky time. Again, they needed time to be close in any way they could be. Life and death situations never worked well with soulmates.

Especially wars.

Bucky very nearly burst straight into Steve’s room. His eyes set on Steve and could do little but roam. Steve was lying on the bed, propped up by his elbow, gloriously naked. He grinned as Bucky stood stock still.

“Hey gorgeous,” Steve said, his smile brightening.

It made Bucky feel warmth and comfort, that Steve still saw him the same, didn’t fall out of love because Bucky didn’t have an arm. That was one of the joys of soulmates, acceptance. He grinned back and walked up to Steve, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“Mind helping me outta my clothes?” he asked.

Steve was eager to oblige. He unbuttoned Bucky’s shirt with a speed he hadn’t seen before. He slipped it off Bucky’s shoulders, his hand trailed down Bucky left arm. A fleeting touch. Bucky shivered, finding it a small bit sensitive. Steve fiddled with Bucky’s trousers, till they were lying by his feet and Bucky was completely bare.

Steve grinned at him. “We’ve only got two hours.”

“Well…” Bucky smirked, “better make it worth it.”

Steve pulled Bucky down onto the bed, on top of him. Their bodies tangled together, their lips locked, the bond was singing with the contact. They were in harmony, they were close, all they needed was this. Gentle, sweet, love.

\--

It was all over before they knew it. They stood at the door, ready to go back. Steve was prepared, ready for the mission. Bucky was trying to be brave, ready to say goodbye.

They stared at each other for longer than Bucky would have liked.

He slipped his hand behind Steve’s neck and pulled him close, pressing their lips together. His hand wrapped behind his back as Steve cupped his jaw. Naturally, the kiss deepened, having no chance at being chaste. It very well could have ended up with them back in the bed, but they had duties. Steve had a mission. So, they parted, but not far enough, needing to be close. Their lips still touched.

“Be careful,” Bucky whispered. “Don’t wanna lose you.”

“You won’t. I’m not going anywhere.”

Bucky pressed his forehead against Steve’s. “You better not.”

Then, they really did have to part. Bucky went out first, walking fast to make it back to Howard, to his new place in this war. Last thing they needed was someone seeing them. He knew Steve was behind him, going to round the team up. But, fortunately, Peggy stopped him on his way there.

“You need to say goodbye to everyone,” she said.

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “You’re going, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. Phillips too. Most of us are.”

She gestured for him to follow, which he did. Suddenly, he was before the team. He gave each of them a handshake, telling them to get back safely or so help him. Dum Dum merely shrugged and said he couldn’t die, he wasn’t done fighting yet. Monty told him the secret to healing was a cup of tea. While Jim gave a reassuring smirk and nod. Jacques exclaimed that the mission was likely going to kill them, but in French, not knowing Bucky was beginning to learn the language well enough. He gave him a furrowed brow and Jacques ducked his head in apology. Gabe gave him a hug instead of a handshake and told him he’d watch out for Steve.

When he stepped back from them all, he felt far too emotional. Steve was with them all now, having popped out of nowhere. He seemed to be talking through a few things, so Bucky turned to Peggy. Her eyes were sympathetic, her lips turned in a frown. She must have known how hard this was for Bucky, watching as his fellow comrades went off on a mission he couldn’t be a part of.

“Well, Bucky, I wish you well with Stark for the time being.” Her voice was cheerier than her expression.

“And I hope you keep their asses in line.”

“I will.”

Bucky thinned his lips. He stepped towards her, placing his hand on her shoulder. “Look after him, please?”

“I’ll try my best.” She nodded once, making it seem more like a promise.

“Thank you.”

He let his hand drop and Peggy moved towards the team. The Invaders. He wasn’t part of that anymore. But he’d be dammed if he wasn’t with everyone, doing what he could from this side. Steve gave him a look of love before he moved out, Bucky felt it was more like a farewell glance, like Steve expected to go to his death. But he wasn’t. He was _Steve_.

Bucky couldn’t do anything but watch as the forces needed for the mission left with the team.

\--

Peggy watched as the plane disappeared in the sky. Phillips managed to get the car turned around and drove them back. The ride was silent, Phillips looked grim. All Peggy wanted was confirmation that Steve had succeeded, and they could all go home. HYDRA would be done with and all they would have to deal with was the Nazis, not an easy task either. But easier than HYDRA and their powerful weapons. Maybe that was naïve, that this was the end, but she had hope. Plenty of hope.

They found a console, hoping to god Steve would be the one to contact them. Phillips and Morita stayed while the rest were out in the base, rounding up all of HYDRA and shooting them dead. No more prisoners would be taken. Only Zola would be graced with that treatment, his knowledge had been invaluable.

Suddenly, Steve’s voice crackled over the radio. “Come in. This is Captain Rogers. Do you read me?”

“Captain Rogers, what is your…” Mortia began to say but… no, Peggy _had_ to talk to Steve. She’d told Bucky she’d look after him, now he was on a plane with goodness knows how many bombs on it.

“Steve, is that you? Are you alright?”

“Peggy! Schmidt’s dead.”

Well, that was one good thing in this situation.

“What about the plane?” she asked, her voice more frantic than she realised.

“That’s a little bit tougher to explain,” Steve shouted over the background noise. It didn’t sound overly good.

“Give me your coordinates, I’ll find you a safe landing site.”

“There’s not going to be a safe landing. But I can try and force it down.”

Peggy felt the dread grow in her stomach. She could feel her throat tighten. She could so easily imagine Bucky blaming her for whatever happened here. She had to get Steve out of this thinking, he had a soulmate to go back to. There had to be a safe landing, he couldn’t possibly think… Even if it was to save everyone, he couldn’t… He wouldn’t… He’d find a way, for him. If anything, for _him_.

“I’ll get Howard on the line, he’ll know what to do.”

“There’s not enough time. This thing’s moving too fast and it’s heading for New York. I gotta put her in the water.” Steve sounded so sure, his voice was so surprisingly steady. How could he be so content with this?

Peggy could only wish Steve would listen. He could give them his coordinates, even if he had to dive the plane down. They could have forces go out to him immediately. Why would he do this, was he thinking clearly? What about Bucky…? What about his bloody soulmate?

She didn’t want to lose Steve to this, she didn’t want Bucky to lose Steve to this. “Please, don’t do this. Your soulmate is not going to be happy with you, Rogers.”

“Right now I’m in the middle of nowhere. If I wait any longer a lot of people are gonna die.”

Bloody hell… He was right though. He was right. And maybe Captain America wouldn’t think about his soulmate, but Steve Rogers had to be scared out of his mind. Knowing that he was going to leave Bucky behind. Perhaps… Perhaps he couldn’t actually _give_ his coordinates. She didn’t know what was happening on his side. Steve didn’t seem like he was going to explain further.

“Peggy?”

“I’m here.” She wanted to rip him to shreds, but she was going to be with him, until–

“I want you to do something for me.”

“Anything.”

She heard Steve blow out a breath. “I want you to tell Bucky, this was the end of the line. Tell him, I want him to be happy. I want him to live a life. I want him to find somebody who will _care_ for him, I’ll approve of anyone he ends up with.” He seemed to sob a little, the line was too muffled to make out clearly. “Tell him I love him, that I will always love him and I’m proud, no matter what.”

“Steve… Don’t–”

“ _Please_. I need him to know all that… He’ll blame himself for not dragging my ass back.”

“Okay, okay.”

“Thank you.”

Just as he spoke the last syllable, the line went completely dead. White noise echoed through the speaker. She felt the tears running down her cheeks, oh… god… He was dead… Gone and dead and now she sat there, with a message for his _soulmate_.

Peggy glanced to the side, noticing that Phillips was standing there. He nodded to her, walking off. He must have overheard, he knew what Steve and Bucky were to each other now. That made things uncertain, she only hoped he’d do nothing towards Bucky. He didn’t seem like he would do anything.

She turned back to the dead speaker and switched it off, staring at it as tears fell off her face, falling to her lap. Steve was… gone. Her friend was gone, someone so dear to her, to everyone. The team, especially. And his death… it was the ocean that would claim him, if not bombs going off from an unsteady crash. His death would be cold and horrifying. And with his serum, dying could be prolonged, letting him feel all of it, to the last second before death.

And… oh… Bucky. Poor Bucky. How was she supposed to go back to London and tell Bucky all Steve had said

? It wouldn’t bring him back… It wouldn’t even console him, it’d only make him feel worse, from what she knew of her friend… Right now, he’d be experiencing the bond ripping from him, his veins turning black. He’d feel all of Steve’s pain, right along with him. The coldness of it, the swiftness or slowness, depending on the serum’s effects.

Bucky would never be the same, not how she and the team knew him.

Losing a soulmate changed people.

She brushed her tears away and left the console behind.

When they made it back, heading into the SSR bunker, the team was downcast. They held their hats in their hands, even Phillips. Everyone stared at them carefully. It wasn’t immediately obvious what had happened, but a lack of Steve Rogers probably told it for them.

Bucky was in the corner, staring at them just as fiercely. Howard was beside him, looking grim. Bucky’s brow was stuck in a furrow, looking so unbelievable confused. “Where’s Steve?” he asked, moving towards them.

Peggy put a hand to her chest. Bucky’s veins were still red. She turned to the people in the room, they couldn’t see this. They couldn’t know what Captain Rogers meant to Sergeant Barnes. “Leave, all of you.”

They did so, leaving only herself, the team, Phillips and Bucky in the room.

Phillips stepped towards him. “Steve… sacrificed himself. He dove the plane into the ocean.”

“No. No, no, no.” Bucky stepped back, his mouth working but no words came out. He wrapped his arms around himself, as if to make him smaller. “He’s not dead… He’s not dead. He– My veins.” He covered his eyes, clearly holding back tears. He sobbed, yet no tears fell quite yet. As if he couldn’t.

Dugan and Mortia rushed to his side, throwing their hats down. They helped Bucky into a seat. He was hyperventilating, in a panic. He kept repeating his words. Saying again and again that Steve wasn’t dead, couldn’t be dead. He probably wasn’t too wrong about that. Bucky’s veins were still red, but if Steve wasn’t dead by now, it was only a matter of time.

No one had his coordinates. Almost like he didn’t want to be found.

“He wouldn’t do this to me, he wouldn’t.” Bucky covered his face, as if to cry in some about of privacy. “Why…?”

“The plane had too many bombs on it, Bucky… I’m so sorry,” Peggy said, sitting in the chair next to him.

Bucky nodded, still withholding tears. “Did he, uh, say anything?”

“He said… this was the end of the line.” Bucky only sobbed louder at that, actual tears were running now. Phillips stepped away, the others stayed. “He said he wants you to be happy. He wants you to live a life and find someone who will care for you. He’ll approve of anyone you end up with.” She bit back her own tears as Bucky silently cried next to her. “He said that he loves you, he’ll always love you and he’s proud, no matter what.”

Bucky brushed a hand through his hair, his face was stained with tears now. “Why him? Why did it have to him?”

Jones stepped towards him, head bowed low. “Stark is looking for him. We’ll find him, Bucky.”

Dugan nodded. “Yeah, if anyone can do it, it’s Stark.”

“Your veins are red, that can only mean he’s waiting on us to find him,” Mortia said.

“And while we wait, we should have a drink down the pub. Reminisce and wait for his late arse to make an arrival,” Falsworth remarked with a slight smile.

Dernier stepped towards Bucky. “We won’t leave you alone.”

Bucky looked up at his friends, tears in his eyes. “We better get a round in.”

Peggy caught Bucky’s attention, looking him in the eye. “We’ll bring him home.”

The tears running down his face meant he didn’t believe them, not one bit.

\--

They’d been on the boat all day. Bucky was wrapped up, raincoat and all. Howard stood off the side, always demanding to go to the next grid. To look some more. There may have been no sign of any wreckage, but Howard was trying his best. Bucky? Well, he was nothing more than one giant mess. He stared at the red veins on his hand, they were beautiful but almost as torturous as having black veins.

While he knew Steve wasn’t dead, he might as well have been. This wasn’t the first day they’d searched either, it had been weeks now. They had managed to find the tesseract, and if anything, that should have meant finding Steve but… nothing. There was nothing filtering down the bond either, just a horrible silence like when Steve was ill. Yet worse, as he was lost at sea. Not where Bucky could easily find him.

Was there a chance of finding him? Bucky didn’t know. They just kept searching, like madmen. Peggy was starting to lose hope, so had his friends. To them, there wasn’t the slightest of chances they’d find him now. He was gone, yet still alive.

“He’s probably frozen, you know?” Howard said, coming up beside Bucky. Both of them stared out to sea, the vastness of it was almost terrifying.

“Because the ocean is cold?”

“Yes. Shipwrecks become like iceboxes.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “We could keep looking forever and might never find him.”

Bucky looked to Howard, glaring. “That is not an option.”

“But it could be. Your veins may be red but…”

“But what?”

Howard turned away, his head bowed. “Bucky… come on…”

“No, Howard. Do not give up on this.” Bucky would stand his ground, he would keep looking even if it killed him because _this was his soulmate_.

“It might not be possible, is all I’m saying.”

“We keep looking. We don’t stop till we find him!”

Howard turned around, he was blinking strangely, like he was trying to hold back tears. “He’s gone…”

Bucky felt anger swell in him, how could Howard be saying this? He gritted his teeth, clenched his fist. “He’s not gone till my veins turn black! Okay?! He’s not gone till I feel his pain coursing round my body…! He’s not gone _yet_.”

The captain of the ship looking towards Howard. “Shall we proceed to the next grid point?”

Howard glanced to Bucky, he knew he was analysing him from the way his eyes darted around. From Bucky’s fist, to his red sore eyes. Bucky was destroyed, angry and beyond tired. He only hoped Howard would see it from his point of view, he may have had blue veins, but he knew what this meant to Bucky.

They had shared much over the weeks spent looking.

Howard looked to the captain. “Proceed.” He turned to Bucky. “We’ll find him.”

Bucky nodded to himself, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes. “Yeah, we’ll find him.”


	4. Lived A Life

“Hi Peggy,” Bucky said, sitting on the armchair opposite her.

She sipped her tea. “You haven’t come to be dramatic, have you?”

“Do you know what the date is?”

Peggy glanced outside. “Is it… Steve’s birthday?”

Bucky nodded, slowly. He glanced to his hands, fiddling with the leather bracelet he kept so close to him. “What would he think, of me still grieving?”

“He would call you stupid. Then give you a massive hug.” Peggy tried to reach over to Bucky, probably to grab his hand, but he was too far away. Her frail arms couldn’t reach. “Happy Birthday to Steve.”

“Happy Birthday to Steve.” He glanced outside, hoping wherever Steve was, he wasn’t in any pain. Even if he was, Bucky couldn’t feel anything. The bond was silent. “Do you think we’ll ever find him?”

“Are you truly doubting yourself, after all these years? It’s 2011, Bucky. I’m old… Howard’s old… You’re old… yet young.”

Bucky sighed. “A curse.”

“But… he’s out there still. And while we’re old, you’re young enough to drag his ass back.”

“Did he _really_ say that?” He looked to Peggy. Her whiteish, greyish hair lay in those old ‘40s curls still. She still smirked with as much power as she used to, she was _always_ smug. Yet she was old. So very old. Her memory was going, slowly but surely. And her veins were black.

“Yes…!” She sat her tea down on the table right next to her. “You know this. He said, and I quote, ‘He’ll blame himself for not dragging my ass back’.”

Bucky chuckled lightly. It was okay, talking about Steve, sometimes. “Well… at least I didn’t blame myself for too long.”

“No, you didn’t.” Peggy reached out once again. Bucky stood up and took her hand, sitting on the coffee table in front of her. “Oo, your left hand really feels real.”

Bucky nodded, glancing to the hand, the arm. It was the colour of his skin and had red veins, mirroring the real ones on his right arm. It worked perfectly, as if it _was_ his arm. “Yeah. Tony’s new design. The material he’s synthesised makes the skin feel real, makes the veins look better… Yeah, it’s right now.”

“As it should be.” Peggy smiled. “Now, tell me how SHIELD is doing.”

“It’s doing great, Pegs. I’ve finally convinced them to lock away the tesseract and leave it alone... _forever_.”

“Good…”

“And Nick has given Maria Hill the promotion she deserves.” Bucky grinned. “Phil is… well, Phil. He’s… good?”

“Which Phil?” Peggy wondered, smiling.

“Phil the fanboy.”

Peggy broke out in a wide grin. “I love Phil… and miss him.”

“Yeah, well, I swear he’s always watching me.” For dramatic effect, Bucky glanced around him. “What if he’s here right now?”

“Who?” Peggy’s brow furrowed, and she withdrew her hand from Bucky’s.

Bucky frowned. It was getting worse, forgetting conversations halfway through. “Phil, Pegs. The fanboy, was just wondering if he’s following me.”

“Oh, right.” She smiled a small bit. “I’d expect him to.”

Bucky shook his head, amused. “This is why SHIELD agents shouldn’t know about me and Steve being soulmates.”

“You dug your own grave on that one.”

“Yeah… yeah I did.”

It was purely accidental at the time. He’d been telling a new set of agents – back in the ‘90s – about how knowing your team out in the field was important. Knowing them through and through. And one of the agents asked about the train, because of course they did, that mission was a huge rumour in the academy. About how Bucky fell first, and how Steve fell after. So, he’d told them Steve knew he wasn’t dead. Which was a mistake… it only spiralled into him telling the truth.

“You will find him one day. I believe in you.”

“Thanks, Peggy. You’re about the only one who still does.”

\--

Bucky walked into a room and took a seat just as the other seats were beginning to fill. He sat at the back, as he usually did – sunglasses and cap on – and _listened_. Listened about how some people thought some sound was a bomb. Or how their nightmares kept them up. Or how they couldn’t forget specific sounds, or images. How it haunted them. Clawed at them. Kept them alert even when walking their dog. And the guy running the session, Sam Wilson, well, he kept it light. And he told it how it was. Being serious and a small bit funny.

Bucky slouched in his seat when it finished, feeling a little better after hearing everything. How it was perfectly normal, how so many others went through the same things as him. If only he could get himself to go to a soulmate bereavement group. Half of him was sure it would help, but that place would be full of black veins, and his red had no place there.

He got up as everyone else started filtering out. Yet, he heard footsteps coming towards him. Looking up, he saw Sam Wilson staring back at him.

“I’ve seen you a few times… You never speak,” Sam said.

“I don’t see how I can add anything of value.”

“Participation will be rewarded.”

Bucky shook his head, smiling slightly. “Maybe I’ll say something next time.”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Aren’t you Bucky Barnes?”

“Me? Nah. But I have one of those faces.” While he was sure Sam didn’t know him, it was common for those who had been in the army to know of Bucky being alive _and_ young.

“The way you hold yourself is the same as the videos.”

Bucky let out a small laugh. Of course. “Why do you watch those old things?”

“Class used to force us to. You were always more of an enigma than Captain America.”

He didn’t wince at the mention of Steve’s goddamn stage name. But he did feel that bubble in his chest, the one that could burst at any moment. “How was I an enigma?”

Sam took a seat and gestured for Bucky to do the same. He smiled, lightly. “You were the marksman, a sniper. Working in the shadows while others fought in the open. You got shot and battered, you came back from being a POW just as strong… You’re still young. Steve Rogers once gave away your position by saluting you.”

Bucky took off his glasses and cap, setting them down on his lap. He laughed, honest to god laughed like no tomorrow. “Do they _still_ tell that story in the army? I swear to god.”

“Yeah, they do.” Sam grinned. “They also tell it in SHIELD.”

“You’re SHIELD?”

“Nah. I passed through a couple times. Our missions sometimes got convoluted with their missions.” Sam looked Bucky up and down, like he was noting every detail about him. “Why are you here?”

“Therapy is one to one, isn’t it? Here… you can hear how things have changed, and how things haven’t.” Bucky fiddled with his glasses. “I haven’t been in the army since WWII, but I’ve been an agent, a leader in the field. I was there when SHIELD started, been doing missions throughout every decade.” He looked to Sam. “It’s different… but it’s too similar.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Sam shrugged. “Seen plenty of SHIELD agents come through here, sitting at the back like they don’t belong. Like they can’t be here. But they do, they get involved in wars too.”

Bucky pursed his lips, not sure if he should share the info or not. But then again, why not? “I was the one who sent a team on the mission where your soulmate nearly died.”

Sam opened his mouth to speak yet closed it. He narrowed his eyes. “Why’re you here?”

“Partly for the session. Partly to see how you’re fairing.” He smiled, hoping to seem friendly in some way.

“Why… did you send a team out? How did you know?”

“I got intel about the RPGs and knew the wingsuits weren’t enough. You needed backup, people on the ground.” He stared down at his glasses. “It was a two men against too many soldiers. You’re soulmates, you needed backup.”

Sam closed his eyes, slowly, like he was realising something. “You wanted us to survive because you’ve seen too many soulmates die, haven’t you?”

Bucky glanced to the red veins running up his flesh hand. “I’ve got my own tragic story and I’ve seen many other tragedies. For you, I knew I could do something.” He stared at Sam, at his red veins. “Wars only hurt soulmates, after all.”

“Yeah, I guess they do.” Sam thinned his lips. “Is it hard, to have a soulmate grow older than you?” He gestured to Bucky’s veins. “They’re still red.”

“Yeah, I’m well aware of the colour.” He frowned, his eyes felt heavy. He could feel the numbness of the bond, a dead, silent bond.

Some days he wished he could say to the world ‘Steve Rogers is my soulmate’ without sounding mad. Or like he was ruining ‘Captain America’s good name’. Problem was, the general public didn’t really know Bucky Barnes was still alive. If people knew another super solider existed, well, Bucky had always thought it best not to say. And he was still a spy, it was all he knew now. He’d long passed the title of director onto Nick Fury, but he was still on top, running the organisation in some small ways.

“It’s hard to have a soulmate who’s never there,” Bucky murmured, leaving out the part where his soulmate was in the ocean somewhere, still alive.

“But you do see her?”

Bucky chocked back a sob, the tears were pooling at his eyes. Ready to pour. The bubble was fit to burst yet again. “I… can’t.”

“Because she’s old?” Sam looked to Bucky in earnest. He wasn’t trying to dig for information, he was trying to do his job.

“No, I physically can’t see her. She’s not here, she’s not anywhere.” He looked to the man before him, quite frankly, someone he’d just met. But someone who he imagined could be a friend. “She’s not a she.”

“Oh…”

He took a breath and jumped right into the murky deep that was his life. “Steve Rogers is my soulmate.”

Sam only looked as if everything made sense now. Like Bucky hadn’t told him something that had always been hidden. The public never knew who Bucky Barnes’s soulmate was. They hardly knew Bucky Barnes had a life after the war. Howard, Peggy, they’d come out and said they had created SHIELD when the agency became a little more public a few years back. But Bucky, he was still a ghost. As much of a ghost as Nick Fury was.

Spies had to be ghosts, really.

“And he’s in the ocean,” Sam said, shaking his head slightly. “And still alive.”

“Yeah… His serum must be keeping him alive, but for the life of me, I don’t know how. Sixty years he’s been in the ocean, sixty-six to be exact.” Bucky ran his finger along the rim of his cap. “I like to round down.”

“How have you never found him?”

“Funny thing about Steve is… he always has his reasons for doing something.” Bucky looked to Sam. “Problem is, he left his soulmate without giving him any means to find him. Why would someone do that?”

Sam turned away, as if he needed room to think. He was a therapist, he was truly doing his job here, despite the fact Bucky had intruded. Which… he had done. He shouldn’t have done. This was for soldiers with PTSD. Bucky had constantly made the choice to keep fighting. Like it was the only thing keeping him together.

“I should go, I’m sorry.” Bucky began to stand but Sam grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down.

“No, you don’t seem like the kind of guy who’d go cry this out with a friend. You’re here because you want my help.”

Bucky sighed but nodded. “You’re as perceptive as I thought.”

Sam smiled just a bit. “I have an idea why your soulmate didn’t do everything he could.”

“Go on…”

“Soulmates operate on what the other is feeling… Your soulmate thought he was going to die; what emotion were you feeling at that point?”

Bucky furrowed his brow. “I was scared, nervous. It was the first time Steve had gone on a mission without me.”

“And was he scared?”

“He was terrified before the silence… but also, calm.” He looked down, feeling his eyes welling up more. “Too calm.”

“Okay. I think he realised what was going to happen, what he had to do, and why he couldn’t give out his coordinates. Soulmates aren’t good with seeing the dead body, you know that.”

“You’re referring to the withdrawal effect? Where the remainder of the bond is pulled from you, causing violent depression, often ending with the widowed soulmate committing suicide?”

“Yes.”

Bucky closed his eyes, tight. “He knew I was going to look for him…”

“In the ‘40s it wasn’t known about, right?”

“It didn’t have a name… People were thought as weak if they killed themselves after losing a soulmate.” He tilted his head. “Some… people knew to keep a widowed soulmate away from the body, but I don’t think they really knew why. Once, the team kept me separate from Steve after I was shot. We all thought I was gonna die. But, you know, I had the serum.”

Sam placed a cautious hand at Bucky’s shoulder. “But Steve made the wrong call, thinking he’d die.”

“To be fair… He did dive a plane full of bombs into the ocean.”

“With those red veins, it’s not even irrational to believe he’s still out there. Waiting for you.”

Bucky huffed a small laugh. “Yeah. That’s what I’ve been telling people for years.”

“Hey, why don’t you come and have lunch with me and Riley? To say thanks and also… I don’t want to leave you alone right now.”

The fact that Sam didn’t want Bucky to be alone warmed him a small bit. It wasn’t often people who knew of Bucky’s situation thought he wasn’t fine. They called him lucky even. Nevertheless, he smiled slightly and said, “I’m fine, really.”

“Then to say thanks?”

“Okay… It sounds nice.”

Sam launched out of his chair and dug his phone out of his pocket. “Wait till I tell Riley who’s coming, he’ll break out his best bread.”

Bucky chuckled softly. “Best bread?”

“He loves making bread.”

It seemed awfully nice. Something that Bucky could enjoy. He hoped Sam didn’t feel he had to, he suspected he was probably still doing his job. People in the business of helping others often did that. And maybe it was an opportunity to make new friends. Sure, he had Howard and Peggy, but they were much older than him. He had Nat and Clint, Nick and Phil, but they were all in the business. He supposed Tony was a close friend but more like a nephew than a true close friend, he called Bucky uncle anyhow. Same went for Peggy’s children, grandchildren.

“Riley says we better get going.”

Bucky stood and smiled. “Well, we better not keep your soulmate waiting, huh?”

Sam chuckled. “Best not.”

Sam’s house wasn’t too far away. From the VA, it would only be a short sprint for Bucky. But Sam took his car and Bucky took his motorbike. If he was being completely honest, he only chose that mode of transportation because Steve was obsessed with them. He hoped in keeping a slightly concerning amount of them, it would give Steve something to do, once he made it back. Whenever that would be…

When Bucky got his bike all parked up, he had a good look at Sam’s house. Small, quaint, quite nice. Sam smiled and spread out his arms as he walked backwards towards the door.

“Welcome to my humble abode!”

“Looks pretty.”

“It’s domestic paradise.” He swivelled around and opened the door. “Honey, I’m home!”

Someone barked out a laugh, Riley, Bucky presumed. “In the kitchen, sweetheart!”

Bucky grinned. “Is this how you always greet each other?”

“Nah, just when people come over.”

Soon, Bucky found himself settled at a small dining table. Bread sat in the middle along with bowls of ingredients to make sandwiches. Riley watched carefully as Sam took a bite, rejoicing once Sam gave him a thumbs up. Bucky struggled to make a sandwich – with all the choice available – but settled on ham and cheese. He found himself really enjoying the bread and made a mental note to make some in the future.

Riley finished his sandwich quickly. “So… Bucky?”

“Yeah?” Bucky noticed how Sam was looking cautiously to Riley, as if he had no idea what his soulmate could ask.

“What was it like, to have a soulmate back then? Especially since it was _Steve Rogers_.”

Bucky tilted his head towards Sam. “You told him already?”

“Nope?” Sam looked to Riley in confusion, who shrugged.

“You both had red veins and it’s not exactly like it was a secret that the both of you were as thick as thieves.”

“Fair.” Bucky smiled. “Your question is interesting… It wasn’t easy. We had to be secret. My own father tried to kill me, and my mother wanted Steve dead.” He’d long gotten over that, found his peace with it. It helped that hadn’t seen or talked to his parents since those days. Sam and Riley on the other hand wore expressions of disgust. “We lived with two girls who were soulmates in love, used each other as covers. It worked well, before the war. And Steve… well those old laws were one fight he never got involved with.”

“Really?” Riley asked, his tone full of surprise.

“Yeah… He’d never risk it. Probably because our mothers found out when we were kids. Steve’s ma was fine, but mine… She tried to keep me away from Steve, tried to make our bond weak. Eventually Steve himself thought I should stay away for my own safety.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t?”

Bucky smirked. “I’m a master spy for a reason, started sneaking about when I was nine.”

Sam shook his head and Riley put his hand over Sam’s. “To this day I don’t understand those old views, that our kind of bonds weren’t allowed.”

Bucky knew Sam was angry, it came off him in waves. And Riley was consoling him the best way he knew how. It’d been so long since he’d had that for himself, it was nice to see. He pursed his lips and thought about it. “People are stupid. Believe me, I’ve lived long enough to know that.”

“Glad it’s different now,” Sam said, smiling slightly. “It doesn’t matter so much to people.”

“We’re seen as people with soulmates, just like everybody else.” Bucky glanced to his veins. “Bonds are important.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Bucky saw Riley glance downwards before nodding to himself. “Can you tell us much about SHIELD? It’s always fascinated me.”

“Wanna know how it started?”

Riley nodded more than enthusiastically.

“Well… Howard Stark was adamant Peggy Carter was gonna run the show, which she did. Really well in fact. She was super skilled in picking out locations for facilities and just… she was _good_ at her job. Not that Director Fury isn’t, but Peggy was another beast entirely. Chester Phillips was in charge of the agents, controlled the training programmes and whatnot, he was a Colonel after all. Howard, science division, obviously. Me? Peggy knew I would fit well being in charge of weaponry and highly skilled missions. And, well, I did.”

Bucky took a breath, smiling at the memories of a time long gone. His friends coming together to create something that benefitted the world. The best part of it all was the friendships they made, truly. And knowing Chester Phillips as a friend was probably the best part.

“Howard got us all together one day and basically laid out the roles we’d play. He’d planned it for years and when he wanted to go through with it, we all knew our place. Knew we’d be the founders, the leaders at first. It was… special.”

Riley perked up, smiling like a loon, while Sam rolled his eyes, smiling fondly at his soulmate. And _that_ was something Bucky hadn’t seen in a long time. Peggy’s soulmate was dead, her fake husband and his soulmate was dead. Howard still had Maria, but he barely saw them now due to them being retired in California. Normally, Bucky only saw this behaviour out in public, but to see it up close… well, he missed it.

“I have a question, if you don’t mind,” Sam said.

“Go for it.”

“Stark Industries was originally more towards weapons for the army, right?”

Ahh, yes, Bucky had forgotten about that. “Right.”

“There’s a rumour in the army that you changed his mind and that’s why there’s more technology for veterans than there’s weapons for soldiers.”

Bucky noted the excited, anticipating expression Sam was wearing. He desperately wanted to know this, and Riley’s expression wasn’t too dissimilar. A small smile spread across his face. “I did, change his mind. After I lost Steve, Howard became one of my closest friends, I was one of his. I had a little leeway…” He smiled more so than before, yet the next part of the story had him frowning. “We knew a lot of people, friends, who didn’t come out of the war… whole. Me included. He was already making a prosthetic for me, well, it was ’52 by this point so… my third prosthetic. I think it was my third?”

“How well did they work back then?” Riley was quick to ask.

Bucky smirked a small bit. “Not too well, but I could move the fingers. They were too expensive for public distribution, however. So… I pulled Howard to the side one day and told him straight. Weapons hurt people, they don’t protect anyone. Just look at HYDRA and what they did with powerful weapons.” Bucky raised his left arm, wiggling the fingers. “And I told him, ‘look at what you have here, a working prosthetic. Think of what more research could do’.” He clicked his fingers. “And suddenly, his eyes widened, and he told me I was absolutely right. He’d seen what the war had done to our friends, to me and Steve…”

“And that’s why we have the prosthetics of today?” Sam wondered.

“Yeah.” Bucky kept looking at his arm. “We’d have flying cars if I’d convinced him to go into the car industry.” He chuckled softly. “In all seriousness, Stark Industries and their prosthetics, well, it’s the reason they look real, the reason you can have realistic looking veins these days. And so much more than prosthetics…”

Sam grinned. He was probably thinking how Stark Industries had aided the veterans he knew. And Bucky had helped carve that, in a way. After all, some of the development came from his own ideas. “You must be proud of your friends. They’ve lived inspiring lives.”

“Yeah.” Bucky glanced outside, to the world he and his friends had helped to protect. “Yeah, they really have.”

\--

The last four months had been a dramatic change for Bucky. For one, he’d made friends outside of SHIELD. Sam and Riley were good people who made him feel welcome, something Bucky had been lacking outside of work. Sure, he had friends, but too often they were working. You didn’t get much of a break when it came to protecting the world. So, having Sam and Riley made a difference. They could go out and have fun or get a coffee and chat. Bucky even began talking at VA sessions, trying his best to make WWII sound like the recent war.

He’d been a spy for so long it was easy to forget what having friends was like. Especially when friends were becoming as close as family. Sam and Riley had taken him under their wings, treating Bucky like someone who needed to be nurtured. Instead of the ninety-three-year-old master spy and WWII veteran he was.

He was having a fitful sleep one night. It was heading into December, all he wanted was a relaxed mind and a joyful outlook as Christmas began to sweep across the nation. He was not looking forward to the season, he never did. Soulmates got to enjoy the holidays, Bucky normally got neck deep into work and only took Christmas day off, simply to go over to Howard’s and tease Tony endlessly.

But his mind had different ideas. It wanted to remember the bad times, the lonely ones. Where Bucky was alone with a silent bond, red veins and a void in his heart. All he could do was curl up and try his best to cloud his brain with happy songs, thoughts and the good times, rather than the bad. It didn’t truly make a difference, he still couldn’t sleep. His body was thrumming with energy and heat.

Then, of course, his phone started ringing. He glanced to his clock… It was five in the morning, so much for sleep. He couldn’t think of anything so urgent that he’d be called. He only had a background role at SHIELD, only got involved with what he _wanted_ to get involved with. And he had no friends that would call to tell him someone had been hurt. He supposed it could have been Sam or Riley, but it was unlikely they’d call Bucky. He reached up and blindly grabbed his phone, answering it. He lazily placed it against his ear, thank goodness he wasn’t asleep after all.

He may have been groggy and tired, but he still spoke with his best murder voice. “Barnes.”

“Bucky! It’s Phil.” Phil was almost shouting down the speaker but didn’t seem overly serious, like he was excited for something.

Bucky groaned, throwing an arm over his face. “Did you forget about time zones again?”

“No. It’s good news.” Phil’s shoes clicked off the ground. Where was he? “I’m at the private airport in Greenland. Bucky… we found him.”

“Found who? It’s 5am Phil, don’t be cryptic.”

“We found your soulmate.”

Bucky shot up, his bed creaked with the movement. “Where and when do you need me?”

“Triskelion, within the next hour. We’re flying him in quick.”

“On my way.” Bucky thought about hanging up, but… “Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for calling me.”

“He’s your soulmate, of course I called.” He paused. “You’ve waited long enough, and this goes beyond protocol.”

“Have a safe flight.”

“I will.”

Phil hung up and Bucky was left sitting up in bed, sheets pooled at his waist, staring down at his phone. Was this really happening? Was he truly going to get Steve back, after all these years of searching, of hoping and waiting?

He got up from his bed and felt numb. It didn’t feel real, none of it did. Even though he’d wished for this, _every day_ since February 1945. He didn’t expect it to ever come. It was all he’d wanted but it felt too… It felt off, like his entire axis had been tilted. So much could happen in the next few hours, so much.

He pulled himself out of his pyjamas and threw a shirt and some jeans on. He picked out his biggest, comfiest, blue hoodie, finding warmth in it as it settled on his body. Quickly, he put on his shoes, grabbed his phone and got out of his apartment like it was on fire. He saw Sharon coming up the stairs as he raced down them, he knew she was there to watch over him. Not at all creepy… SHIELD just didn’t want its Barnes to go rouge. He’d been known for it in the past, but what could they do? He was the background to it all, even going above Nick Fury. Peggy and Howard had always ensured it, ever since they knew Bucky wouldn’t age.

But none of that mattered. SHIELD didn’t matter right now.

Steve mattered. He was coming home.

As Bucky staggered onto the street, his brain still foggy from the news, he looked both ways. Five in the morning, barely anyone on the streets, for the most part. The city was quiet. He turned to the direction of the Triskelion and _ran_. He was a super soldier, running a few miles to him was nothing more than a pleasant stroll down the streets. It took him less than ten minutes to stroll straight up to the Triskelion and walk right in like he owned the place. He didn’t, the government did, but he’d been a part of it for so long he might as well have.

He walked up to the point where the quinjets came in and waited. He passed the time by closing his eyes and waiting the next hour out. The jets were fast, the best technology SHIELD had. Swift, agile, brilliant. It would only be a short while of waiting, since transporting Steve in wouldn’t be a hard job for professionals.

His thinking must have gotten away from him as, before he knew it, a quinjet was landing right in front of him. It was a little past six, they really had flown in fast. Phil was the first one up, striding up to Bucky with confidence. Following behind him was a large box – presumably with Steve in – being monitored by Fitz-Simmons. Of course it would be them, the best scientists SHIELD had employed in a long time.

“So far so good,” Phil said. “We’re taking him down to a room that’s been prepped for this.”

Bucky brushed a hand through his hair. “I thought the search in Greenland was put to a stop.”

“It was. A Russian oil team called it in. I called you as soon as I saw his body myself.”

Phil walked off to the side, following the box which held Steve inside. Bucky kept his eyes trained on it, at any second, anything could happen. Nothing was certain when all that depended on Steve’s survival was the skill of SHIELD agents. As Fitz-Simmons disappeared with the box behind a set off sturdy doors, Phil grabbed Bucky’s arm, pulling him to a stop.

Bucky looked to him, his brow furrowed. “Why?”

“You don’t want to see this. He doesn’t look…”

“Well, or alive?” Phil nodded. Bucky closed his eyes for a second, pushing the worst from his mind. “Okay, where do we wait?”

Phil gestured to a set of pale blue chairs beside them. Bucky hadn’t really seen them before, like they’d just been put there recently. But then again, he normally didn’t keep an eye on the furniture SHIELD had lying around. There was water on the table that Phil poured into two glasses. They’d prepared for this, for Bucky having to wait.

“How are you holding up?” Phil asked, sitting back comfortably.

“I’m nervous…”

“Stay calm, they won’t be long.”

As they sat and waited, Melinda May came to sit with them. That wasn’t strange, per se, Bucky was good friends with May, especially back when she worked in the field. Her clothes, however, weren’t the typical admin uniform. Then Maria Hill sat by them, again not weird, they were friends. It only got more suspicious as he saw Nick idling in the distance. Looking up, Clint was up on the rafters. He glanced to the sturdy door, Nat was lurking by it.

His eyes darted to some heavily armed SHIELD agents walking around, too many for a place like this. Not only did they have the newest weapons at their sides, they were excessively armoured. Armour that had been specifically designed after the Hulk incident. And any officers that would normally be flooding the halls were gone. He noticed May sit forward ever so slightly, she’d clocked on that he’d realised something was off.

“Am I under guard?” he asked, turning to some of the most skilled agents SHIELD had ever seen.

“I wouldn’t say that…” Phil said, keeping to the vague tactics he always did.

“There’s at least thirty heavily armed guards in this room and I’ve been surrounded by three of the most valued agents… Nick is in the distance, Clint is up by the ceiling, bow in hand and Nat is pretending to be someone else. I know these tricks… What are you expecting?” He was Bucky Barnes, they didn’t think they could elude him, did they? He was the longest serving SHIELD agent after all.

“Rogers could die at any moment,” an approaching voice said. Bucky turned, seeing Fitz and Simmons. Simmons had been the one to talk, with her cheery voice like she wasn’t talking about Steve’s possible death.

“And… you don’t want me barging in there as my veins fade to black?”

“Never before has a soulmate been faced with the withdrawal effect after so many years apart,” Fitz said. “The consequences for you are untold.”

“So, we have three highly secure metal doors standing between you and Rogers,” May said, sternly.

“And more guards between them,” Hill declared, she leaned back in her chair, her mouth set in a frown. “You’re a super soldier who could lose their soulmate, we’re not losing you too.”

Bucky brushed a hand through his hair, almost wishing it was longer, so he could pull it. So he’d feel better as the want to scream crawled up his throat. “He’s not gonna die.”

“He’s been frozen for sixty-six years,” Simmons began, “the damage to his brain could be–”

“ _Could_ be. There’s no certainty.” Bucky rubbed his neck, closing his eyes. He wanted to get away, they couldn’t think Steve would die. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. “He’ll be okay… He’s Steve. He’s lived this long, why would he die now?” He bowed his head and tried to stay strong, to be the hard-headed agent he was known to be.

“It’s okay to be scared, Bucky,” May said, her voice overly sympathetic. “All that matters is you staying safe in all this.”

“Yeah. We couldn’t possibly take two losses.” Phil sounded fearful. Maybe they all were, but Bucky had so much _hope_. He’d waited so long for this. Now it was here, all he wanted was for Steve to wake.

“Bucky, you should be prepared,” Simmons said, her hand falling to his shoulder, “for the worst.”

Fitz began typing on a tablet. “They’re defrosting now.”

“Do you _have_ to make it sound like it’s casual?” Bucky put his head in his hands, if anything happened to Steve… He’d tear the place down. “Just tell me when they’re done.”

Bucky stood up and got his phone out of his pocket. It was creeping towards eight now. He stepped away from the agents there to watch him and shot a quick text off. It was probably too early to disturb them, but Bucky wanted Sam and Riley to know what was going on. They were close friends now, saw each other a few times a week. Bucky felt it important to keep them in the loop, and any advice he could get would be icing on the cake.

Two seconds later, Sam was calling.

“Hey, man.”

Bucky shuffled his foot. “Hey.”

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“They’re warming him now… There’s this tingle in my bones, like the bond knows I’m close. I dunno.”

“No, I saw a study about being separated.” Sam sighed. “Being close to him again, it’ll kickstart all those old familiar feelings.”

“Clear up the void in my soul?”

“Yeah.”

“He might die, Sam.”

“He’s not gonna die, Bucky,” Riley said. Bucky hadn’t realised he’d be on the other end too but was glad for it. “He’s your soulmate, he wouldn’t make you wait this long only to die.”

“This isn’t a fairy tale, Riley.”

“It isn’t,” Sam said. “But it’s a miracle you’ve found him now. Hold onto that. Your veins are still red?”

“‘Course.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about.”

“Most of all, when Steve wakes, you’ll get that soulmate need to be close after a near death experience. And being apart.” Riley softly chuckled into the mic. He was right though, Steve and Bucky had plenty of _those_ experiences in the past.

“You say that, but… Steve’s gonna be a man out of his time.” Bucky stuffed his free hand into his pocket. He was only just beginning to realise… it’s been sixty-six years. Six _decades._ “There’ll be so much to tell him… He’s… God, it was _1945_.”

“Bucky,” Sam said, his voice steady and stern. It could ground Bucky any day, a perfect voice for a counsellor. “You’ll get him through it. He’s your soulmate, you’ll get him through it.”

“And you’ve lived a life, like Steve wanted you too… He’ll be proud, and he’ll get passed being in a new world. A better world.” Riley didn’t sound too sure about that, but Bucky took the advice on board.

“Thanks guys.”

They continued chatting after that, just talking about anything. Sam and Riley didn’t have anywhere to be, and Bucky was waiting so they were free to talk. Bucky mostly listened to his friends crack on about some joke or whatnot, merely distracting him as Steve was thawed out of the ice.

He’d been in the ocean so long, sitting in ice, waiting and waiting, only for sixty years to pass. Seventy years if Bucky rounded up. To be apart from his soulmate for so long… It had never happened like this before. If soulmates separated for many a decade, moved on, for any reason, love could die out and yellow veins could return. But those soulmates never tended to meet back up and reconnect, the bond would become so distant, it was like it wasn’t there.

It had almost happened to Steve and Bucky when Bucky’s mother first found out. And over the years after that, until Bucky ran away. But with Steve being in ice, Bucky’s veins had never faded. He’d lived a life with an empty bond, waiting. It was different to all the research they knew.

So Sam and Riley distracting him really helped, until Fitz crept up behind him.

“He’s still alive,” he said, whispering, as if not to disturb Bucky on the phone. “They’ve thawed him out.”

Bucky turned to Fitz, his eyes downcast. “What now?”

“We’re transporting him to a recovery bay now.”

“No… Not here.” Steve didn’t need DC, it was foreign. “We need to take him to New York.”

“Why?”

“It’s different but it’s home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on [tumblr!](http://kateis-cakeis.tumblr.com/)


	5. The Future Isn't All Bad

Bucky folded his arms, staring through glass. The room itself – the one behind the glass – was in a room, to keep anyone under level 7 out. He kept staring, at the machines, at the hospital bed, at the flowers that littered the room. It was too white, too clinical, too much for someone from the ‘40s. He wouldn’t understand, none of these traditions would make sense to him. The balloons, the flowers, the cards, more for Bucky than Steve…

“He’ll wake,” Nick said, stepping beside Bucky.

“When are we disconnecting him?” He sighed, letting his arms drop. “I know it isn’t procedure but… He’s a super soldier, keeping him hooked up to machines isn’t the best idea.”

“We can disconnect him now…?”

Bucky looked to his friend, who looked so unsure. It wasn’t often you got to see the famous Nick Fury in a state of uncertainty. He was director for a reason. Making tough calls all the time, keeping a clear mind, disobeying every order from the Security Council. Because… when were they ever right?

But Nick Fury was unsure because Bucky’s soulmate’s life was on the line.

“Nick…?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for being here with me.”

Nick smiled, a true genuine smile. “I’m always here for you, Bucky. I’m your friend.”

Bucky reached out and wrapped his arm around Nick in a quick side hug. “Bros before SHIELD.”

“Say that again and I’ll get Phil to stalk you.”

“I… honestly believe you.” Bucky laughed a small bit, moving away from Nick. “Can’t displease the soulmate, can you?”

Nick glanced to his yellow veins. “Well, he does need those cards signed when Rogers wakes.”

Bucky huffed a laugh. “Yeah, yeah.” His smiling demeanour melted away. “Get him disconnected… I’m gonna go get lunch.”

He stepped away from the glass, stepped away from his life that lay in the bed beyond the glass. With his ‘40s hairstyle, his red veins. He had no idea what the world was like… Bucky would have to be his guide to 2000s.

Nick nodded, looking on.

Bucky got out his phone as he walked down to the first floor, where the cafeteria was. He saw plenty of familiar faces as he headed down, they nodded to him and smiled softly, giving their silent support. And rumours flew in SHIELD, few didn’t know Steve had been found. He got his earphones out of his hoodie and popped one in, getting some music on from his favourite artists. But he couldn’t help clicking on to a few ‘30s songs, just to get him in the mood. To make him feel the past, those memories he’d kept in a corner of his mind he rarely visited.

He made it to the cafeteria eventually, walking straight up to Clint, who, for some reason, was working there today. He should have been on a mission, but he was here. He must have done something to Nick, pissed him off somehow. Just the other week, Nick had trusted Clint to take down Bucky if he had to. He must have said something stupid again to get a punishment like this.

Bucky did love Clint though, he was one of his favourite people. One of the best agents, best archers. A real friend outside of SHIELD. He’d been a saving grace in the ‘90s, when he needed younger friends. And Clint being Clint couldn’t believe Bucky was Bucky back then. Thought he was some lookalike for the longest time. That memory always entertained Bucky. For all Clint was, he could be a dumbass sometimes.

“You’re looking happy,” Clint said, beaming regardless of his situation.

Bucky smiled, yeah, he was happy in ways. “And you need to serve me my usual.”

Clint smiled and disappeared into the back, bringing out Bucky’s premade sandwich, wrapped up in paper. “It’s happening today, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, they’re listening to me for once.” Bucky grabbed the sandwich and peeked through the paper, looked well made enough. He placed a couple dollars on the counter. “What did _you_ do?”

“I teased Fury about Coulson and… I don’t know, I’m here now.”

Bucky chuckled, classic Clint. At least the oddball of an assassin he was could cheer him up. “Well, I’ll see you later.”

“Good luck!”

Yeah, luck was what Bucky needed. He headed back and flicked through his phone. Friends who had his number had been texting him. He was popular today, but only because people wanted to know. But he’d been waiting more than anyone else, they should have known he wouldn’t be on his phone much. He still had his earphone in, which was currently playing ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’, and wasn’t that relevant to the day? Early December, heading straight for Christmas… He desperately wanted Steve back in his world.

He got back to the room and stayed behind the glass, just for a little longer. The machines had been unplugged and separated from Steve. He was on his own now, ready to wake up when he wanted to. Bucky twisted his mouth at the sight of it all. It was gonna scare Steve, there was no good way out of this. It would be terrible, but Bucky felt overjoyed all the same. He had _Steve_ back.

He sat in a plastic chair and ate, listening to whatever his phone went onto next. A ‘30s song here, a Queen song there, the ‘70s, ‘80s, ‘90s… Music from every corner of his life blasted through the earphone, reminding him of the life he’d lived, and the life he never got to have. He stared at Steve throughout it all, waiting.

Once he’d finished his sandwich, he went into the room and sat in the plush chair next to Steve’s bed. He looked so peaceful, like he’d wilfully slept there. Like he’d been here this whole time. Bucky’s skin was clawing at him to get closer, to be next to Steve in whatever way.

But he couldn’t yet…

He took Steve’s hand into his own and _squeezed_. He brushed his thumb over his knuckles, tracing it along his veins. The beautiful red stared back at him, his veins so clear against his skin. Bucky closed his eyes; his emotions were bubbling to the top. He’d been waiting so long, he didn’t know what to do with himself. All he could think about was the bond.

While he loved them, his own red veins had brought him trouble over the years. He’d been under many identities and having red veins, that only made things harder. Wasn’t simple to seduce a suspect when they thought you had a soulmate at home. On the plus side, he was never ashamed of them. Not like it used to be, way back when. Once, he was scared. Now, the thought of fear never crossed his mind.

He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the glass as he looked around the room. He needed a shave, maybe a haircut. He was never going back to the long styles he used to wear, oh… thirty years back. No, forty years back. Maybe thirty-five? He began to wonder what Steve would think of his longer hair, what he would think if Bucky grew it out again. Not that he would, he just liked the thought…

Glancing up, to the clock on the wall, he noted the time. Why wouldn’t Steve just wake up already and stop being dramatic? Although, what did he expect really? Steve would always be Steve, even when unconscious. He smiled and looked to Steve with gleaming eyes.

He leant his head on Steve’s hand. “I’ve been waiting sixty-six years, punk. Wake up already.”

“Bu…”

Bucky raised his head. “Steve?”

Steve blinked awake, his head rolled along the pillow, his eyes found Bucky in an instant. Though, they widened.  Maybe in shock? For one thing, he doubted Steve thought he’d live. For a second, Bucky had a left arm. New and improved, blending in like it was never gone at all. Technology had changed, and judging from Steve’s eyes darting about, he was realising that.

“Where am I?” he asked, his voice was nothing but a faint whisper.

“New York. In a SHIELD facility. An organisation Peggy, Chester, Howard and I created…” Bucky bowed his head, here was the hard part. He squeezed Steve’s hand. “You’ve been asleep, sweetheart. It’s been sixty-six years since we last spoke.”

Steve bolted up, staring at Bucky like he was mad. He almost wished he was mad. “How? No, it can’t. You’re…”

Bucky stood and put a hand on Steve’s chest, trying to get him to lie back down. He wouldn’t, though. As stubborn as ever. “That’s another thing entirely, Steve.”

“Tell me why you look young.”

“Too much to soon Steve.” Bucky smoothed his hand over Steve’s chest, he was breathing heavily. More than normal… Well, was it normal? What did Bucky really remember as Steve’s normal?

Steve closed his eyes. “I’ve woken up in the future, Buck. Nothing is too soon.”

The bond was warming up, Bucky thought, as he only felt small emotions here and there. He knew that Steve must have been having a war inside himself, and that war was slowly becoming louder across the bond. He looked to Steve, who had been preserved, who had the exact same appearance as 1945. Bucky from the past never knew this day would come, he’d lost hope one too many times. To see Steve so confused and _hurt_ , well, he should have expected it.

“When I turned fifty-five… Howard wanted to do tests on me. We realised… Well, the cells are kept in perfect condition, you know that. They don’t degrade, I don’t age.”

Steve breathed rapidly, more than before. “Ageless?” he whispered.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry… you had to wait, all this time.”

“Hey. No.” Bucky sat on the side of the bed and wrapped his arms around Steve. “My veins were always red, always. All I had to hold onto was hope.”

Steve leaned into the touch. They did need to be close. “Why did it take so long?”

“We never had _anything_ to go off, Steve. I searched the ocean for _months_ with Howard, almost every day.” Bucky ducked his head, closing his eyes. The memories were painful. “We could never find you… Found the tesseract, never you. Every five years, I’d get SHIELD to search again. Every five years, our technology improved. In the end, it wasn’t us who found you. But we did it, we brought you back. Howard, Peggy and I, we never gave up, my red veins told us you were alive.”

“I… can’t imagine what that would be like.”

“It was torture. I could never grieve, I could never move on. You were _out_ there.” Bucky smiled. “But here you are, in a future so _bright_.” He jostled Steve a bit, his excitement of news overtaking him. “It’s legal to be ourselves now. Our love… it’s legal.”

Steve opened his mouth, yet no words came out. Shock rippled down the bond. “Really…?”

“Yes, really.”

“Thank god.”

Bucky patted Steve’s shoulder, wanting to desperately move the conversation on. “I’m a bit of an old man now.”

Steve huffed, looking Bucky up and down. “Coulda fooled me.”

“Well, I am pretty spry for a ninety-three-year-old.” Bucky smiled as Steve let out a small laugh. “Uh… I have to take you to see Fury. He’s the director of SHIELD.”

“Why aren’t you?”

“I’m more in the background, someone still above Fury but… I don’t run the day to day.” Bucky sighed, looking away. “Haven’t led for a long time.”

“Why do I have to see him?”

“We… have to integrate you into society.” Bucky glanced out the window. “Things have changed.”

“Like what…?”

“It’s long story…”

\--

“I’m sorry,” Steve said, staring down at the pieces of paper Nick had given him.

Bucky was in the corner of the room, sitting in an armchair he’d left in Nick’s office one day. Probably back in the nineties, but Nick had never gotten rid of it. For now, he’d gone off to chase up the papers detailing the countless conflicts since 1945, since they’d somehow gotten separated from the rest of the pack. Meanwhile, Steve was currently reading through information on technology.

It was only the basics. Bucky was sure Steve’s knowledge on the future would broaden over a few weeks, months, years. A bit like how Bucky used sit Tony or Peggy’s children on his knee and tell them about the past. Not that he thought Steve would sit on his knee, his weight would probably break it.

He smiled a small bit before realising Steve had spoken. “What?”

“Just… I should have given my coordinates. Worked it out or something… The map didn’t make sense.”

Bucky frowned, he hadn’t realised that had been the case. He felt a bit better about it all. Yet, sadness came down the bond in waves. “It’s okay.”

Steve turned to him. “No it’s not. I shouldn’t have left you like that… All that’s changed, Buck… Whatever a computer really is, or the internet, or how things changed after war… I should have seen that, experienced it with you.”

Bucky looked down, fiddling with his hands. He’d enjoyed his life despite not having Steve in it, but the thought of having him there… Well, it hurt. “I know… But you didn’t.” He glanced up, catching Steve’s sorrowful expression. “We’ll make new memories. It’s not all sad.”

“Will you… tell me about Connie and Bonnie?” Steve turned fully in his seat and kept glancing between Bucky and the paper.

“Uh, sure.” Bucky smiled, even though their old friends had died back in the nineties, they had lived fantastic lives. “After the war, I continued to live with them… But the SSR called me away more often than not. And when SHIELD developed, I moved. We kept in contact, sending letters every six months… They advocated for LGBT rights… they took on teenagers who’d been left homeless. They cared for their community… They died within a month of each other, Bonnie had a heart attack and–” Bucky choked back tears, finding the whole story still got him emotional. “Connie saw her dead body.”

“Oh… god…” Steve murmured, looking at Bucky with sadness in his eyes.

“A whole month… That’s the longest I’ve known someone to survive the withdrawal effect.” Bucky quickly realised Steve had no idea what that meant, judging from the twisting feeling along the bond. “It’s the name for it now. There’s so much research on it.”

Steve nodded. “I’ll read up on it… on this internet thing.”

Bucky chuckled. “The internet is a wonderful place.”

“What about Peggy and the Invaders?”

“We never officially called ourselves that, you know?” Steve raised an eyebrow and Bucky grinned. “A new recruit, after the war, called Junior, decided we’d be named the Howling Commandos.”

“Oh… Nice. I like that.”

“Yeah… Well…” Bucky sighed. “I lost contact with Jim in the ‘50s, even with all of SHIELDs resources, I never found him. I don’t know if he died or… Gabe met his soulmate in ’67, she was quite a lady before she died from cancer in ‘73… Gabe went on to create several charities and honestly, was just a good guy. He stayed in SHIELD for a long time too, was our best researcher.”

“Is this gonna be all sad?” Steve asked, frowning.

“I don’t think many of us were dealt good hands.” Bucky settled back against his chair, thinking. “Monty went home to England and became a secret agent over there. I don’t think many of us got out of secrecy after the SSR. He had to keep his soulmate secret, only a platonic bond but… any coloured veins make life hard in this business.”

“Why?”

“Harder to get information out of a suspect if they think you’ve got a partner at home.”

Steve raised an eyebrow but said no more. Which Bucky was glad for. He could explain the dealings of an agent another day.

“Dum Dum never stopped fighting, just like he always said. He kept the Howling Commandos going till he had to retire and lived a good life with his family, on his nice SHIELD pension.” He chuckled softly, he missed Dum Dum, he missed them all. “Jacques moved over here in ‘55, left France behind. He wanted to work with Howard to make bombs better but… Howard was out of that business by then. Peggy took him on and he became a bomb developer. SHIELD would be lost without his technologies.”

Steve smiled slightly. “Who knew? I… Hm. At least Dum Dum got a good ending?”

“Gabe did too… Kinda. And Jacques died with his soulmate at his side, _he_ died a few minutes later.” Steve raised his eyebrows and Bucky huffed an amused breath. “There’s more of us queers out there than you may think, Stevie.”

“Good. That’s good.” Steve glanced back down at the paper, a smile tugged at his lips. “What about Pegs, bet her life’s been crazy.”

“ _Oh, Steve,_ you have no idea.”

He told Steve all about how Peggy led SHIELD for almost forty years before stepping down. She tried to hand it to Bucky, but knew it was a lost cause before she even asked. He told him all about a cute waitress, Angie, who went on to become a Hollywood actor. And how Bucky often had to play matchmaker with them, knowing fine well they were perfect for each other. The adventures they had… They were the reason Bucky saw the seventies as his best decade.

“So, wait, how did they end up touching?” Steve had asked, as Bucky began relaying stories about their adventures.

“Well… I convinced Peggy to accidentally touch Angie, which she did. We were at this bar and I kept egging Pegs on, which made her go into pride mode, just to prove me wrong. _And let me tell you_ , her face was a picture as she brushed her finger along Angie’s wrist. Lo and behold, they were soulmates.” Bucky grinned, beamed even. It was one of his favourite stories. “I already knew, of course, I’m a great spy.”

“What happened after that?”

“ _Steve_ , let me tell you… Daniel Sousa. He had a guy waiting on him but Pegs and Dan wanted kids and Angie agreed to them… having a deal of sorts. We had two little Dan’s and Peggy’s running around us nine months later.” He smiled… He missed the small children, they were all grown now, had their own lives. Didn’t visit their uncle Buck all that often. “It ended up being a strange but functional family. Specially when the laws changed.”

Steve’s eyes were wide, but a smile firmly sat on his face. “I have a feeling there’s plenty more to tell about our friends.”

“Steve, believe me, there is. And I will tell those stories in good time.”

The door to the office flew open and Nick strolled in, holding the papers like a trophy. “You won’t believe how admin fucked up.”

Bucky scrunched his face up. “Don’t tell me… I hate admin. They’re all crazy.”

Nick passed the papers over to Steve. “You’re telling me.”

“I have no idea what’s going on,” Steve admitted with a small voice.

“Motherfucking _admin_ ,” Bucky and Nick said at once. Admin had plagued them both for many, many years.

“Okay…” Steve kept reading his specialised notes. “So… Can you tell me more about cell phones?”

\--

“Welcome to Christmas!” Bucky exclaimed, spreading his arms out. He spun in a circle and watched as Steve’s face morphed into disgust. Fear came down the bond in small increments.

“Oh, come _on_ , Steve.” Sam whacked his arm. “Didn’t think you’d escape the mall, did you? Bucky’s been telling us his routines.”

“I’ve known you for two weeks,” Steve said, his voice small. “Don’t make assumptions.” He pointed a finger at Bucky. “You know I hate you throwing me into the deep end. I don’t like the _future_.”

Sam widened his eyes before nodding. “Ah, that’s the reason. It isn’t the shopping it’s–”

“The future!” Riley shouted, clapping his hands together. He spun on his heel, facing Bucky. “Why is your husband so offended by _our_ ways?”

“I’m not–” Steve tried to protest, but, apparently, Clint wasn’t having that.

“We’ll have to send him to Santa, he’s the only one who can travel in time.”

Nat rolled her eyes and slapped Clint’s chest. “Santa doesn’t travel in _time_.”

“Then how do you explain him getting around the world in a night!”

“Guys!” Bucky half yelled, staring at them all. “Can you remain focused, please.”

They were all kitted out in Christmas sweaters and colourful pants. It may have taken Bucky and Nat five hours to convince Steve to wear an ugly sweater, to which they conceded and allowed him to wear a normal looking reindeer one. They rest of them were all a bit… weird. Clint’s showed reindeers doing R rated things to each other, Nat’s may have involved a knife or two (god knows where she got it from). Sam and Riley matched with light up snowmen. And Bucky stuck to his favourite, a huge Santa sweater.

“We are here to buy five dollar items for our lucky dip, secret Santa, whatever the fuck you wanna call it.” Bucky looked at his watch. “You’ve got an hour. Meet back here at twelve, okay?”

“Then we’ll go to lunch?” Clint whined.

“Yes.” Bucky grinned. “On your marks. Get set. Go!”

They all went off running. Of course, with Bucky being a super soldier, he grabbed Steve’s hand and had them both running at ridiculous speeds from the onset. He wasn’t about to let Steve get lost after all. He’d only had a brief crash course on the future, and an even briefer course on the etiquette of big malls.

Bucky let go of Steve’s wrist as he skidded into a dumb little trinket shop that somehow survived in the mall.

“I already hate this,” Steve murmured.

“Good. It’s only gonna get worse.” Bucky strolled up to a weird plastic gumball machine. A tiny little desk prop. It was six dollars. “It’s fun. Clint and Nat have been doing this with me for years now. Sam and Riley are excited, obviously. Just… get into it.”

Steve rubbed his neck. “Kinda hard to. I barely know this world.”

Bucky had a good look at Steve. In his two weeks in being back he’d already cut his hair to more modern styles, he gotten used to skinny (enticing) jeans and (torturing tight) t-shirts. He didn’t look like a man from the ‘40s. Only his language could give it away, as he tacked ma’am’s onto the ends of some sentences. But that would change, he already had a phone. Bucky was reminded of Maria Stark as he taught Steve to use it. (Maria had never gotten into technology, unlike her husband and son).

Steve was just… He learnt too fast to pretend to hate the future.

“Yeah…” Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Don’t lie to me, Steve. You know it doesn’t stick.”

Steve sighed, huffing in defeat. “Fine… What does five dollars get us these days?”

Bucky grinned and turned to a display of books. “Basically… shit.”

He picked up a strange looking toy, which had a zipper in its stomach and mouth. It was three dollars and perfect to fit with another cheap and nasty object. No one would ever use this crap, but it was the thought that counted. Steve held up a nice tiny flipbook, at a nice two dollars.

“One present down?” Steve asked, handing the tiny thing over to Bucky.

“Indeed.”

Bucky made a B-line to the cash desk. He was in this particular store for multiple reasons. It always had cheap crap, it had nice staff and a good atmosphere. But in particular, today, Phil was lurking around in the mall. Nothing too major, but so far, only Nick and Bucky knew about it. There was some risk of a possible attack, but not for another week, according to sources Bucky had gathered before coming to the mall.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Yeah?”

Bucky gave him a smile. “Play along.”

He walked a few more steps, nearly colliding with Phil. To which Phil took a step back and broke out in a huge grin, grabbing Bucky by the shoulders and half shaking him. Bucky gave out a laugh and guided them to the side of the isle, to avoid customers.

“Uncle!” Bucky exclaimed, pulling Phil into a side hug and slipping the USB stick into his pocket.

“Billy! I’ve missed you,” Phil said, stepping away. “You’re taller, aren’t you?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’m twenty-five, Uncle Keith. I haven’t grown since I was fifteen.”

“It’s a joke, Bill.” Phil pointed to the gifts in Bucky’s arms. “Christmas shopping?”

“Yeah, for the lucky dip. You?”

“Just browsing for your Aunt Haven. You know what she’s like.”

Bucky laughed. “Yeah, she’s special, isn’t she?”

“Yep. I’m gonna get back to it.” He gave another blinding smile. “See you at Christmas, Bill.”

“See ya, Uncle Keith.”

Phil ducked back into the depths of the isles and Bucky felt it was mission accomplished. Aunt Haven meant all was good for now, hopefully there would be no attack at all. Even if there was, SHIELD would be there to stop it.

Bucky suddenly felt Steve’s breath at his neck, just by his ear. “What was that about?” he whispered.

He leant into it, turning slightly. He was only inches away from Steve’s lips, perfect for whispering. “Phil’s doing research, might be an attack. It’s all on the low down, don’t want too many agents about.”

“Sounds clever.” Steve kissed him, briefly. Too brief for Bucky. He needed so much of Steve than he’d gotten in the last two weeks.

“It is.” Bucky kissed him again, still too chaste for his liking. But he’d have to wait anyhow. “Glad we can do this in public now.”

“Mm, it’s good to be in the future.” Steve stepped away and grinned. “Let’s pay?”

“Yeah, better get moving. We’ve only got forty-five minutes left.”

After they’d paid, they sprinted out of the shop and ran at a leisurely pace for their enhanced bodies. Bucky had to tug them both to a stop at an accessory store. He’d seen something a few weeks back, it may have been cheating, but you needed every tactic possible in the race for five dollar presents.

“Bucky!” a staff member shouted, good ol’ Chad. Someone he’d known well in the past.

Bucky grinned and approached Chad, giving him a quick hug. “My favourite lake!”

Chad chuckled. “Shut up. Who’s this?” he pointed to Steve.

“This is Steve.” Bucky grasped his hand, smiling at him. Steve smiled slightly back. “My soulmate.”

Chad’s mouth hung open. “No way! I thought I’d never meet you, awesome!”

“Yeah, he finally got pulled away from this job.”

Steve furrowed his brow. “Sorry, is this the Chad that–”

Knowing the tactic Steve was going for, Bucky jumped straight in. “That I went to uni with, yeah.”

Chad was beaming at Steve. “I was always so upset that I couldn’t meet the guy who’s Bucky’s perfect match. Always working or something… But here you are!”

“We’re just here for that thing I was looking at the other week,” Bucky said, steering attention away from Steve. Not that he thought anyone would delve further into the past of his soulmate, and certainly Chad wouldn’t. Bucky had made up enough lies about his soulmate for good ol’ Chad.

Chad sparked into action and ran behind a stall, bringing out a small toy hairdryer. “You gonna try and engineer giving this to Nat?”

“No way. This would fare better with Clint.”

Chad laughed and beckoned them over to the register. “Isn’t wrapping paper and sticky tape next?” he asked while scanning the item, putting it into a bag.

“Yep! Thank god the card store is close.”

Chad handed the bag over while Bucky paid. “Well, good luck. I know you’ll win.”

Bucky flashed a smile, scoping up the bag and grasping Steve’s hand. “I always do.”

Bucky practically dragged Steve out of the store. They were both grinning, which was an achievement. Having Steve back was one thing, but to see him smile and laugh was another. During the war, there wasn’t too much of that. Despite all the years Bucky spent without him, this was more than he could have hoped for. Steve was taking the future in his stride, regardless of what he would like other people to think.

They ran to a store opposite the one they’d just been in. A card store full of the paper and sticky tape they needed. Steve picked out some Christmas wrapping paper (with little Santa’s on) while Bucky got the tape. They paid swiftly, collecting all their stuff into a bag.

But before they could leave, Bucky spotted a girl, no older than ten, tug on her father’s sleeve. She pointed to Bucky and smiled up at her father. Her father sighed and nodded. From what Bucky could tell, the father had red veins and the girl had blue.

“Hey, excuse me?” the father said.

Bucky swivelled around. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry to ask, but are you soulmates?”

Bucky glanced to the girl, giving her a small smile. “Yes.”

“My daughter wants to ask a couple questions…” He looked to the girl, who was holding his hand. “You see, she knows deep down that she wants to be with another girl.”

Steve smiled and hunched down a little. “What do you wanna ask?”

“Well,” the girl said, with quite the amount of confidence. “Is it scary? I… I know it’s still not… okay.”

“It’s more than okay,” Bucky reassured. “Maybe when we were little,” he gestured to Steve, “it was different but now… It’s better. Things really have changed.” He paused for moment. This girl was so innocent. Her father was supporting her, a lovely thing to see. “What’s your name?”

“Michelle.”

“Well, Michelle, have faith, okay?”

She pursed her lips. “You’re both magical. Your veins are so red.” She lifted her chin. “I don’t see that often with people of the same gender.”

Steve grinned more so. “There’s plenty of us around, always have been. You just gotta spot us.”

Michelle giggled. “Yeah. I found you both! Can I ask another question?”

Both Bucky and Steve nodded.

“Could my soulmate be another girl, is it really possible?”

Bucky glanced to Steve, feeling himself gleaming. He hadn’t smiled so much in a long time. “It’s possible and sometimes, you find out on accident.”

Michelle grinned with glee, wrenching her hand from her father and running off. Her father gasped, turning on his heel. Bucky stifled a good laugh and watched as Steve did the same.

“Sorry about this,” Michelle’s father said, scampering off to find his daughter. Bucky caught a glimpse of her looking, she waved and gave a smile before ducking back between the isles.

Steve broke down in laughter. “Oh… Can we do this all the time?! I love the mall!”

Bucky snorted and shook his head. “Keep ya head in the game, Rogers. We’ve got presents to wrap.”

They parked themselves on the nearest bench and set out their items. Steve got to wrapping the small hairdryer while Bucky handled the strange zipper toy and the tiny flipbook. There were some struggles with the tape. More often than not, it got stuck to itself. Mostly, that was Steve’s doing. He didn’t have the precision skills Bucky had. Not only had he wrapped the presents with minimal sticky tape, the whole thing didn’t look too bad either. Like a proper wrapped gift. Steve’s, on the other hand, was more tape than paper. But it would do.

“Time to _win_ ,” Bucky said, placing the presents back in the bag and dragging Steve to their starting point.

Because of their enhanced sprinting abilities and quick buying, they were back by the pillars and escalators at quarter to twelve. Almost a record for Bucky. Steve had his head on a swivel, but there were no spies, no lovey dovey soulmates. They high-fived at their achievement. Not that Bucky doubted for a second that he’d win, but Steve had never experienced this before. Never got to be apart of this weird tradition that began with old friends.

“You know, this started as a way to get me out at Christmas,” Bucky said, leaning against a pillar.

“Really?” Steve wondered, coming to stand by Bucky.

“Mhm.” He closed his eyes. “Back in the ‘80s, I was a bit of downer. It was the year you’d been gone for four damn decades. So, Pegs got Howard and the Howlies to come do this with me. Having a bran tub as Peggy said, but there was never any bran.” He laughed, rejoicing at the small memory. He never thought it would bloom into this. “The rules have never changed… and I won the game. Of course I did, I could run, they were in the late sixties or seventies.”

Steve chuckled. “I bet it was fun.”

“Yeah. Yeah it really was.” He opened his eyes and huffed a laugh. “Then when they all got too old, I played the game with Tony and Peggy’s children and all the children. It… wasn’t as fun. I was their uncle dragging them out to some stupid game.”

“You weren’t on their level?”

“Not to them. I was a seventy-year-old man dragging thirty- and twenty-year olds out, and teenagers.” Bucky gave out a hearty laugh. “I realised, I wasn’t them. I wasn’t their age or their friend, not really. Even now, Tony still sees me as an uncle, not really a friend. And Peggy’s children see me as they’re third grandpa… I lost contact with the others when the Howlies died...” He could so easily track them down, he was a spy. But he was just uncle Bucky and that would be far too strange.

Steve was pushing comfort down the bond, which was such a welcome feeling. Who knew talking about a Christmas game would be so sad? Bucky often forgot how many people left him behind. How many more still would. He’d seen a lot of people age while time stood still for him.

“What did you do?” Steve asked.

“I invited Clint, Nick and Phil along. May came too for a few years. Eventually Nick found it too much for the Christmas period and Phil sided with Nick, because _of course he would,_ he’s his soulmate.” Bucky chuckled. “Clint found it far too entertaining and when Nat came into the fold, she tagged along and well, here we are.”

“So, Clint and Natasha are good friends to you?”

“Yeah. Most of my friends are friends at SHIELD, but Clint and Nat have always joined me on days out and whatnot. They’re true friends. Sam and Riley are new friends, but I think they’ll stick around.”

“I swear my ears are burning!” Sam’s voice echoed, before he and Riley jumped around the pillar. Steve jumped a small bit and Bucky hit the back of the pillar. Damn… How did they manage to sneak up on _Bucky_?

“They are burning,” Bucky said, reaching forward and flicking Sam’s ear before he could back away. “Don’t sneak up on an international spy and a goddamn super soldier.”

Riley laughed, folding his arms (taking the bag he was holding with him). “Clearly not good enough if _we_ snuck up on you.”

“But we _should_ get credit,” Sam said. “We are, after all, great soldiers.”

“Ex-soldiers.” Bucky smiled as Sam scowled and Riley rolled his eyes.

“Oh, looky! We’re _last_ ,” Nat said, approaching them all from the front like a proper person. Unlike Sam and Riley.

Clint huffed. “Not my fault!”

Nat stopped in her tracks and glared at Clint. “You wouldn’t stop talking. This was completely your fault.”

“Well you couldn’t pick a colour!”

“The pink and blue were both perfect! You got spooked by a small girl!”

“And you couldn’t wrap a present to save your life!”

“Guys!” Bucky shouted. “What the hell?!”

Nat sighed. “Sorry. Clint’s driving me up the wall today.”

“Only because you shut off your emotions, again.”

Bucky groaned and stepped away from the pillar, grabbing Nat and Clint by their arms. The problem between these two was, they were the best assassins and spies SHIELD had ever seen. And Bucky had seen plenty of good agents in his years. Furthermore, they were platonic soulmates. However, these factors often led to these kinds of arguments, where Clint would get tetchy because Nat shut off her flow of the bond.

Not many soulmates could do that willingly. But Nat had been Red Room. They taught such lessons in depth. Bucky could never dream of shutting off his emotions, soulmates didn’t like it for a reason. Which was why Clint got angry when Nat did it, as a way to protect herself from whatever.

Bucky was sick of it.

“Nat, get your shit together. Clint loves you, he’s your soulmate. Stop shutting him off.” Bucky kept his tone stern. Like he was telling off children. “Clint, stop getting so mad at Nat. You know she has issues and you have to help her with that.” He turned them by their arms. “Now hug and make up.”

Clint and Nat sighed but hugged anyway. Mission accomplished.

Bucky turned to the rest of them. “I’d really like to get some lunch now.”

\--

“A hairdryer?” Clint turned the small thing in his hands. “Okay, who got this? I love it!”

Bucky threw his head back and laughed. Classic Clint. Steve was chuckling beside him. Thank god he engineered this towards Clint, he loved shit like that. Nat was smiling at Clint like she smiled at puppies, so they’d officially made up. That was good.

“We did!” Bucky said, still laughing.

Clint stuck out his tongue. “You always cheat!”

“I never cheat!”

Lunch had been a wonderful affair. They’d gone to a nice little café, which always loved Bucky’s Christmas game. The staff got so excited when Bucky walked in, so much so they cheered. This game was a one of a kind thing really. Bucky loved how many people in the mall knew about it.

Sam and Riley had settled right into the game liked they’d always played it. They got some stupid shit. Nat had gotten a blood red slinky off them. (Thank god she’d gotten that, it was perfect for her). And Bucky had gotten an umbrella that had snowflakes as its pattern. He was almost convinced they had figured out how to engineer the lucky dip as well.

Steve had gotten a small tiny, itty bitty, pencil from Clint and Nat. While Sam had gotten the zipper toy and the flipbook. Riley had gotten a little action man knockoff toy, again from Clint and Nat. It wasn’t like they didn’t know how to mess with the lucky dip either.

It was all a massive cheating game, really. It was who won that really mattered.

“Well!” Sam said, smiling. “I’m glad I got this silly toy.” He laughed as he played with the zip in its stomach. “It’s so cute.”

Riley laid his head on Sam’s shoulder and looked up at him. “ _You’re_ so cute.”

Nat pointed to Sam and Riley. “Okay, really, where did you get them from?”

“The land of cute soulmates,” Bucky said, shrugging.

She got this look in her eye. “Are you and Steve like that?”

Steve ducked his head and smiled. “We were, once.”

Bucky gazed at Steve, he looked so soft like this. He couldn’t have wished for more this Christmas. He really couldn’t have. “Back before the war. When we had a family…”

Steve looked to him. “But now we have a new one?”

Bucky cast an eye over his friends. “What do you say guys, are we family?”

Clint grinned lopsidedly. “Yeah! Are you kidding, Bucky? You gave me friendship when few would.”

“You gave me a home,” Nat whispered.

Sam grinned. “Hell, I’d be happy to be your family.”

“Me too,” Riley said.

“And, of course, Steve is the newest addition,” Clint said. “He’s gonna be a hoot once he knows how to operate a group chat.”

“A what?” Steve asked, whispering.

“Text messages but in a group where we’re all it in,” Bucky said. He patted Steve’s arm. “Don’t worry, doll. I’ll help you work it out.”

Steve grinned. “I couldn’t survive here without you.”

“Awww, they’re so cute!” Sam exclaimed while Nat rolled her eyes.

Steve looked away, a small bit of shame flowed down the bond. “I’m serious… I’d be so lost if Bucky wasn’t here. I wouldn’t have survived a day, never mind two weeks.”

Bucky cupped his cheek. “That’s why we’re soulmates, doll. I’m here to keep your mind intact.”

Steve leaned into the touch, smiling at Bucky. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“As nice as this all is,” Nat said, drawing attention to herself. She was looking down at her phone. “Coulson needs my help.”

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked, ready to jump out of his seat.

“Don’t worry yourself, Bucky. He just needs a bit of backup.” She stood, and Clint was quick to follow. They got their presents into a bag and were off in at instant.

Bucky folded his arms. “Guess it might be time to go.”

Sam was still fiddling with his little toy, ignoring the flipbook. “Really?” he said, speaking through the toy’s stomach. “We could all have a nice time here.”

Riley giggled, tickling the toy’s ‘fur’. “The toy is right.”

“His name is Spooky Stomach, I call him Spook for short.”

Steve fiddled with the small pencil, poking it against his hand. “I wouldn’t mind going… It’s getting a little overwhelming.”

Bucky was straight out of his seat. “Then we go.”

They said goodbye to Sam and Riley – who stayed in the café – and made their way out of the mall. It was easy to find Bucky’s car in the parking lot, due to the fact it was classic Porsche 911. Easy to spot amongst all the new cars around. They were back at Bucky’s apartment in no time at all. Steve seemed a little out of it, the bond had unease flowing down it. Which didn’t reassure Bucky much. He expected Steve to have a breakdown at any point.

No matter how well he was adjusting, he was still out of his time.

So, Bucky made conversation as they got inside.

“When the hell did you learn spy techniques?” he asked as Steve collapsed down on the couch. He was curious, since Steve had been so discreet in the first store, which was so unlike him. Bucky placed the bag with their presents in by the door and shrugged off his coat, making his way to the couch opposite the one Steve was lying on.

“Nazi Germany,” Steve whispered, staring at the ceiling.

“Really? When?”

He rolled his head along the couch. “Remember the mission in June 1944?”

“Yeah…? I don’t–”

“Dum Dum and I pretended to be Nazis to get into the base. Being discreet may not be my best skill, but I damn well know how to do it.”

Bucky sighed. “What’s wrong, Steve? You were having a good time.”

“The future gets away from me sometimes.” Bucky waited for Steve to continue, he didn’t seem done. “You know all this stuff. I don’t know malls. I don’t get the point of small plastic hairdryers or knockoff toys. I’m so lost…”

“Steve, you should have told me this. I could have calmed the whole thing down or done it somewhere else or… something.”

“You were excited.”

Bucky frowned. “I’m sorry… I’m so damn elated to have you back that I forget.”

Steve closed his eyes. “It isn’t easy on either of us.”

“Hey, you never have to do anything you don’t wanna do, you know?” He got up and knelt by the other couch, placing his hand on Steve’s cheek. “I’m here for you… But you don’t gotta do things for me, okay?”

“I want to… I want to experience this world with you.”

Bucky traced his thumb over Steve’s cheekbone. “Okay. We’ll just… We’ll take it slow. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Steve smiled a small bit and Bucky leant up and kissed his forehead. “It’s all gonna be fine.”

\--

“Bucky!” Steve shouted, barely shouting due to how much he was laughing.

Bucky put his head in his hands and groaned. He could practically feel the smirks emitting from Sam and Nat. Riley was giggling to himself quietly and goddamn Clint was a traitor. He just was, a horrible, horrible traitor. The worst person. Classic Clint was gone. It was only betrayer Clint now.

“We told you it was your funeral,” Nat said. Her smirk had settled in her tone.

“It wasn’t me who gave him the photo album.” He raised his head, glaring at Nat. “I just _briefly_ mentioned it.”

She raised her hands. “Hey, wasn’t me.”

“That’s why I’m currently killing Clint in my mind.”

“Oh, you want me to feel the worst pain now?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, turning to Sam. “Save me?”

“No can do, man.” Sam grinned. “I gotta a look in that bad boy. Those hairstyles!”

Bucky groaned again, sinking in his chair. “Why are you all watching me?”

“To stop you attacking, Clint, duh,” Riley said, as if it was obvious.

It wasn’t obvious to Bucky. He just wanted to live. It wasn’t like the last few months had been kind either. Loki, again. Aliens attacking New York. The Avengers project going ahead, for some fucking reason. Phil Coulson presumed dead before Nick Fury did the worst thing possible. Now, Phil would be forever riddled with suppressed memories. Because… that’s what they needed? No one else knew though, only Nick and Bucky knew the truth for now. And the scientists but… yeah. And maybe May, but that was it.

Even Sam and Riley had been dragged into the whole battle. And Steve (but just Steve, no one knew Captain America was still alive). And Tony. Nat, Clint. Banner.

It hadn’t been ideal. People fighting who never should have been. For Bucky, it was like watching all his worst nightmares come to life. Watch as soulmates fought and nearly died. And watching _Tony_ almost die very nearly gave Bucky a heart attack. Protecting that kid… that forty-year-old kid, was too much.

“Look, it’s not like I’m gonna kill him.”

“He doesn’t deserve it,” Sam said.

Bucky leant forward. “He’s showing Steve my album from the ‘70s! Do you know how much I sucked back then?!”

“But you were in a band.” Nat smirked. “How could you keep that from Steve?”

“It’s kinda hard to tell him everything? And that decade was off-limits, you know that.”

“Not anymore it isn’t,” Steve said, coming into the room, holding the photo album up. They were in Bucky’s apartment, which was far too big and boring, according to Steve. Too clean or whatever.

Bucky stood up and rushed over, trying to take the book back. “Please! It’s awful!”

Steve held it high above his head. Bucky could just barely reach it. Goddammit. Steve grinned and glanced to Clint. “He showed me the ‘80s too. And the ‘90s.”

Bucky glared at Clint, but any urge to attack was clamed by the emotions Steve was pushing down the bond. “Fine… Just embarrass me in my own home, Barton.”

Clint shrugged. “Your boy needed to know.”

“I appreciated it,” Steve said, a smirk on his lips. “Buck, why didn’t you tell me how hot you look with long hair?”

Bucky grabbed Steve’s arm, tossing a look over his shoulder. “Sorry, but I’m gonna have to excuse myself and my soulmate.”

Nat gestured to the bedroom door, Sam grinned, Riley shrugged, and Clint couldn’t look bothered by this point. Goddamn Clint had done his job, had already embarrassed Bucky to high heaven so, of course he wouldn’t care less now.

Despite their reactions, he pulled Steve to the bedroom anyway. He slammed the door behind him and practically threw Steve across the room, who was smiling like a loon. Why was everyone Bucky knew positively insane? Steve should have been firmly in the dog house but nope… He looked too happy, felt happy judging by the bond.

“Okay… It’s not that embarrassing,” Steve said, setting the book down. “You’ve lived a weird life, Buck. And your ‘70s look isn’t that bad.”

“I was _not_ hot in the ‘70s,” Bucky said, looking at the book like it scorned him.

“Can you let your soulmate decide these things, please?” Steve strode up to him and cupped Bucky’s face. “I wasn’t there with you, okay? At all, ever. Seeing these things is a gift, Buck. You might be embarrassed but those pictures are everything to me. It’s an insight into your stories, into who you were.”

Bucky crumbled. He felt bad now, he thought of himself more than Steve. And that wasn’t fair. “I’m sorry.”

“No, come on. None of that.” He placed a small kiss on Bucky’s lips. “I love you. And I wanna know everything about you… Can’t believe you kept the pictures away for so long.”

Bucky smiled, sadly. “I’m good at keeping secrets.”

“Well, not from me, okay?”

“Not from you,” he agreed. “You know…” He smirked, “I could always grow out my hair again.”

Steve licked his lips. “For me?”

“Yeah… But you’d have to do something for me.”

“Anything.”

“Grow a beard.” Bucky had always wanted to see a good beard on Steve. Before the serum his facial hair was patchy and during the war he kept a healthy clean cut. And now, he was still in the habit of shaving. And Bucky liked beards.

“Deal.” Steve grinned and kissed Bucky again, yet it was deeper this time, slower. But… they had their friends over, so they broke apart before it could go any further.

“Better get back to the living room.”

When they got back, everyone was distracted and on their phones. Probably teasing people on twitter or something, that was a regular activity for those four. Especially since the New York incident, when the whole thing rocketed them to some sort of fame.

“Oh,” Nat said, turning her head to them. “You’ve made up?”

“I wasn’t mad at Steve, Nat,” Bucky said, grinning. “I was mad at ya boy over there.”

Clint was curled up on the armchair. “Don’t blame me,” he murmured.

“Anyway,” Steve said, “we’ve agreed Bucky will grow out his hair and I’ll grow a beard.”

Sam let out a startled laugh. “What the fuck _are_ you two? You’re both crazy.”

Riley nodded, placing his hand on Sam’s shoulder. “They’re definitely crazy, babe. Who knew two soulmates from the past would be so dramatic?”

“I did!” Nat stuck up her hand. “Bucky’s always been a dramatic boy. Why did we expect Steve to be different?”

Sam stood, eyeing Steve and Bucky with some amount of suspicion. For some reason. “We should go, guys. I think these two soulmates need some time alone.”

“Why would you think that?” Clint asked. Sam, Riley and Nat’s eyes snapped to him. He seemed to understand then, getting up himself. “Oh, yeah, right.”

“What’s going on?” Steve said, glancing to Bucky, then to their friends.

“No idea. Care to explain, guys?” Bucky asked.

Sam shrugged, picking up his coat. “You two look like you wanna have sex.”

“What?” Steve spluttered, a blush instantly bloomed upon his cheeks.

Nat got up, dragging Clint with her. “He’s right,” she said, heading for the door.

“Yeah…” Riley said. “Bucky looks like he wants to pounce sooo… Time to goo.”

The four of them practically rushed out of the apartment, leaving Steve and Bucky to stand there clueless. Well, they weren’t clueless. When Bucky dragged Steve into the bedroom, he did want to drag him into bed but didn’t because of their friends. So, maybe it was blessing. And maybe Bucky wasn’t as good at keeping people oblivious of things like he used to be. Or maybe keeping things from family wasn’t as easy when you spent so much time together.

Steve grasped Bucky’s hand. “I did wanna try what you suggested.”

Bucky’s breath hitched, he looked to Steve and felt desire pool within him. “What are we waiting for?”

They pulled each other into the bedroom, dragging one another onto the bed. They went tumbling onto it, rolling over each other as the bed bounced them back. Bucky laughed as he landed on top, looking over Steve and his wonderful ridiculousness. Why did he think 1970s Bucky was hot? The whole bizarreness of the afternoon had him laughing harder, till his eyes watered and his lungs pleaded for breath. Steve was laughing along with him, curling slightly as his laughs shook his body. Bucky gave up trying to hover above and buried his head in the crook of Steve’s neck.

“I love you,” Bucky gasped.

Steve turned slightly. Even though Bucky couldn’t see him, he could hear him trying to calm his laughter. To no avail, however, as he burst out laughing again. “Love you. Too,” he wheezed between laughs. His breathing picked up as his laughs began to die off.

Bucky left Steve’s neck and tried to breathe without laughing again. He could feel it coming on. Another burst of laughter crawling up his throat. “Well… the mood is ruined.”

Steve grinned. “The mood isn’t ruined… I got to hear your best laugh.”

Bucky considered the bond for a moment, and how lit up it was. The emotions of joy and happiness running along it almost felt electric. A bit like how electric and free flowing the bond could get during sex. He smirked. “I have an idea…”

Steve smiled, leaning up and claiming Bucky’s lips. “You wanna see how much the bond can feel?”

Bucky beamed, relishing in the bond going absolutely insane. “Yeah…”

Steve flopped back. “Then… what are we waiting for?”

Bucky dove down and kissed Steve deeply. And Steve wasted no time in opening up to Bucky, brushing his hands up his shirt, dragging his nails across Bucky’s skin. The bond sparked with the happiness, the joy, pleasure. It buzzed with a feeling of pure emotion, almost like it was overwhelming him, them both. But it stayed steady. Their bond was too old, too stable to be anything but the strong connector it was. Even when overwhelmed, it kept them going.

And boy, was it keeping them going in the moment. Bucky licked into Steve’s mouth, finding pleasure as Steve groaned. Each kiss they shared, each trace of a tongue, each moan or groan, each movement, had the bond lighting up going completely sensitive. The emotions flowing between were unstoppable, pure and delightful.

Bucky dragged his hands down Steve’s sides, fiddling with them hem of his shirt. He left Steve’s lips and nipped the sensitive spot by his ear. A shiver ran up through Steve and Bucky grinned against his skin. “Think the bond can get anymore electric?”

“Yeah,” Steve panted, moving slightly to pull off his shirt in a fluid motion.

Bucky pulled his own off, throwing it to the other side of the room. “Feels like the bond is more alive than ever.”

Steve placed his hands at Bucky’s hips, his fingers dipped under the waistline of his trousers. “This could possibly kill us.”

Bucky smirked as his eyes roamed Steve’s chest with pure lust. “Nah… the bond’s just getting started.”

And the bond _was_ just getting started, as sex only enhanced the sparking feeling of it. Like the connection was a livewire, ready to go off at any moment. But it didn’t, it kept steady. Bucky thought he’d lost all feeling of anything else the moments before he came. Only when he and Steve relaxed and cuddled one another did the bond finally calm and find peace. Easy happiness flowed down it and the sparking buzzing came to an end.

“I don’t know what just happened…” Bucky whispered into Steve’s hair, “but that was the best sex we’ve ever had.”

Steve chuckled softly. “Maybe the bond should be that sensitive beforehand. It’s never been so alive during sex.”

Bucky kissed the top of Steve’s head, moving slightly to cuddle into his chest. “Well… Guess old dogs can learn new tricks.”

This time, Steve let out a hearty laugh. He rubbed Bucky’s arm in a calming motion, an absentminded action. “That’s why we’re soulmates, Buck. We keep each other on our toes, forever.”

Bucky grinned, closing his eyes softly. “How long is forever?”

“However long we want it to be.”

Steve kissed the top of his head and Bucky smiled, so content with his life now. No matter how long forever would be, he knew Steve would be with him to experience it all.

“I love you,” Bucky whispered. No matter how many times he said it, the words would never be enough.

“I love you too,” Steve whispered back, and the bond settled in a lovely happy warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ee, so glad this is all up now! I can rest :D  
> Come chat with me on [tumblr!](http://kateis-cakeis.tumblr.com/)


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